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Blame the victim?

Posts: 1607
Joined: Aug 2012

Just wondering/venting.....so it seems like our society is either take no blame for anything...or place the blame on the victim.   I just found out that the doctor that delivered my last 2 babies has breast cancer.  I called to schedule my overdue visit - I've been terrified of going to the doctors, in fear of anymore bad news.  Finally decided today that I have to be a big girl and drag my butt in for my visit - and then I hear this news.  She's such a good doctor.  First delivery was a nightmare - doctor that delivered was in her practice, but she was the youngest doctor in the group.  When I was pregnant the 2nd time, and didn't get the answers I liked from some of the younger docs in the group, I went to the older doctor - who was the founder of the practice.  I love her - she was wonderful.   After baby 2, she left the group...and stopped delivering babies.  I stayed with the group and when I found out I was pregnant....11 yrs later!! I went to the first young doc..still didn't care for her.  I ended up calling the doc I loved and found out she was again delivering babies!  Again she was wonderful.  I'm so sad to hear she is dealing with cancer now.   She is a doctor!  And very active and knows how to take care of herself.      Cancer doesn't seem to care if you are young or old, good or bad, successful or unsuccessful, loved or alone, "healthy" or "unhealthy", rich or poor.....

They say eat right, exercise, etc. etc.  many people do that and still end up with cancer.  There are other people that live unhealthy lives and live to an old age.   Does any of it matter?  It just makes me wonder, why we are quick to blame people for lifestyle.  I have to admit, when my husband was first diagnosed, I found myself looking at people that were living "unhealthy" lives and wondering ....why not them instead?    

No purpose to this post, just venting.

Also curious what survivers think of all the cancer fundraising?   We were into it many years ago.  My mother-in-law (a nurse) was so skeptical of what happened with the money.  I thought it was so sad that she was so untrusting.  I think I've turned into my mother-in-law.  Seems like so much money is raised each year, yet here we are.

I think this is my longest post ever...I feel like I'm channeling Craig :)

Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5382
Joined: Jan 2013

I've been eating organic foods as much as I can living in a small rural desert town. My boys and husband don't eat organic unless its the meals I cook for them.  I look around, think how well I've been eating, and then I remember I'm the one with Cancer.  Go figure!

So, organic hasn't saved me from Cancer, but I will still eat Organic, exercise and enjoy my treats (we are talking chocolate and other wonderful goodies).

I too am very wary of donations to Cancer research. I do donate to St. Judes, as I believe they won't turn a child away, plus there have been some major inroads into childhood leukemia. 

I was surprised when they told me that the chemo regime I am on, has been going since the 60's. So, make of that what you will. 




annalexandria's picture
Posts: 2573
Joined: Oct 2011

good diet, a lot of outdoor activity, plenty of gin (wait...that's NOT healthy?  No way!).  Anyway, I really wasn't a classic candidate for colon cancer, but here I am.  My sister was healthy too, yet died of some weird-a** cancer when she was 44.  We grew up on top of a coal mine, so it seems like environmental factors may have been in play, but who knows?  There are so many things that are beyond our control.  Our parents thought they were raising us in a nice small town, perfect for kids.  Never thought about the fact that our ground water was almost certainly poisoned.

A friend of mine lost her 17 year old daughter last year to a lymphoma...what in the world did that kid ever do to deserve her fate? She got to spend her senior year in Children's Hospital and then die a terrible death.  There's just no rhyme or reason to any of it.

I was walking in my neighborhood one day while I was undergoing treatment and saw an old guy, morbidly obese, trundling along, dragging his oxygen tank behind him.  He looked to be about 75 or so.  I wanted, for one brief rage-filled moment, to push him under a passing bus.  Not an emotion I can be proud of, but I think it's natural to feel a little frustratd at times with the way things work out in this world (I know...homicidal fantasies involving innocent senior citizens may be a little over the top).

Anyway, I hear ya, Jen!

marbleotis's picture
Posts: 710
Joined: Mar 2012

I was pretty healthy, ok- maybe could have lost a few pounds but was fairly active,  not on a cc radar. 

What gets my nuts is when I see morbidly obese people (1) park in handicapped and (2) ride in the grocery store in the motor - carts because they are too fat to walk.

I am not being mean, I just cannot figure it out.  I do not eat red meat, never smoked, do not drink yet I get stage 3b cc at 49?

Just venting..........sorry!

steveandnat's picture
Posts: 887
Joined: Sep 2011

I to very often wonder why certain people get cancer who take care themselves lives. I wasn't perfect but always ate healthy never overweight.  The same with many others I've known.  I vent and get upset seeing tobese people that never take care of themselves and then expect everyone else pay their way. Can't dwell on it but fight as hard as I can for myself. Venting does feel good sometimes.  Jeff

Posts: 835
Joined: Apr 2004

We all do this and it is undoubtably an unavoidable thought process. I became very angry and jealous of friends and people whose life seemed so easy and straight forward compared to my cancer riddled life. Also the why did I get it at 31 as a fit, healthy bloke with no family history etc. in truth I think you need to find a way to let go of the questions as they have no answers and serve little purpose except use the limited amounts of energy we have going round in circlesmaking ourselves angry. Vent there here or some where and then try and move on. Life isn't fair and cancer doesn't discriminate. Lifestyle is no guarantee- it is a betting game and healthy lifestyle now as before might only shift things in our favour, it doesn'ta promise us a good outcome. We can be angry at fat people people, smokers etc but really we are just angry at cancer. That is natural but try not to let it eat away at you.

Andgiving to cancer research is vital- govt funding is inadequate and pharma really only research that which leads to income. We might not have a cure but there have been manyadvances in many cancers and if we ever want things to improve we need to keep fighting. Wife and kids are running  the Race for Life cancer charity run here in the uk next month with me as support team. We need to keep the fight alive and not let our anger at the illness stop us fighting it- that to me is letting cancer win.

 And yes, even doctors get cancer unfortunately!

 (dr) Steve

annalexandria's picture
Posts: 2573
Joined: Oct 2011

the answer to "why me" (imo) is "why not me?".  AA

PhillieG's picture
Posts: 4912
Joined: May 2005

It just shows just how random cancer is which in turn makes it harder to figure out. I also believe that we, as a society, are mostly out of touch with our bodies and "miss" early warning signs of our cancer. I know that although I was mostly symptomless, there were a few times that there were signs I could have had checked out and maybe I might have caught it earlier. A lot of "could have", "maybe", and "might have"'s. I wonder if most ALL of us can look back and find that moment we missed.

As far as monies to charities/research goes, I give to pancreatic research on a yearly basis and I've given to SU2C. I will not give to the Susan B. Komen foundation in part because of their efforts to block the use of the phrase "for the cure" and also the sister who started the "foundation" lives an incredibly lavish lifestyle. I know, real mature on my part but that's how I feel. I try to make sure that the group(s) use the majority of the donated monies on research.

Will the value of cancer prevent a cure? I wonder at times but I hope it won't...

Maxiecat's picture
Posts: 544
Joined: Jul 2012

I also never expected to be dealing with this at 45.  My primary care dr did not take me serious when i first developed symptoms...had abdominal pain and diarrhea for almost 2 weeks.  He treated me with 2 different antibiotics for a virus.  I wound up in the ER... Dehydrated and still in pain.  The dr there gave me something for pain, fluids and then she said that I just needed to let the antibiotics run their course.  She could tell that we were not satisfied with that answer then she offered up the Ct scan...since we were there already wwas aid yes.  The CT revealed the mass in my colon.  We went home that night with the words that it looks like it could be cancer and a referral for a colonoscopy.

I ate a fairly healthy diet, never smoked, if I drank I drank mostly red wine.  My parents are both very healthy...Dad will be 80 this year, mom 79.  One of my great grandmothers did die of stomach cancer in her late 70's but other than that no one else that I know of in my family has had this.  I get down sometimes...why me?   What did I do Wrong?  I know people who are extremely over weight... none of them are dealing with cancer.

I used to donate to the race for the cure and other cancer research like multiple myeloma.  Right now I am concerned with trying to make ends meet and pay our mounting medical bills.  I get so tired of seeing so much advertising for Susan G Kommen...it is big business.  Where is all of the support for colon cancers and orphan diseases lhave appendix cancer?  I feel like we are the red-headed, left-handed stepchild. (No offense intended towards redheads, lefties, or stepchildren)



Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5382
Joined: Jan 2013

When I get down and have my little pity party, I ask, why me? Then I think of the little children, and think, why them, and I realize that at least I know whats going on, these little ones, they don't know whats going on. This brings me back to reality, and the pity party is over. 

I feel that I am truly blessed. 

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