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I am past scared!!!

Amanda9905's picture
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2013

Hey all and thanks for reading what I am about to put. I am new to this board. I have had a lymph node under my left arm swelling up for the past 2 years. It will swell up and go down some (put you can still see puffiness under my arm). When it is swollen it's so sore and it seems so raw. I have to hold hot wash clothes to it for it to feel some better. I have finally got insurance and have went to the breast clinic. The lady that was doing my mammogram she asked me where was my problem and I raised my arm and she seen it right away. She did get a picture of it so they could see it. She told me I would be called back and I have been. I was called back and they told me they did see the place under my arm and they have seen something in my right breast also. They said it was a spot in my right breast and my right breast was extremly smaller than my left breast the one I am having trouble from. I have had a polyp in my colon that was stage 1 cancer, so I am having some of the worse thoughts you all can probably imagen. I am 37 and not in the best health anyway. My mom, grandmother, and 11 of my grandmother's sister has all had cancer and 75% of their daughters and their daughters have. So I truly am expecting that they will tell me I have breast cancer. I am scared that I have waited to long too. I have already told my husband even if I don't have breast cancer I want a double masectomy because I already know I have the cancer gen in my body and my mom's side of the family is full with breast cancer. I am so scared, I can't even put it in words. I have 2 kids 7 and 13 and I can't imagen leaving them and my husband. I am a Christian and I am saved by the grace of God but I am still scared. Can anyone tell me what yall think. I feel so stupid writing on here, but I thought it may help me. I am praying for you all on here! Love in Christ, Amanda

MsGebby's picture
Posts: 659
Joined: Oct 2011

first and then a sip of tea to calm the nerves.  HI ... i am sorry for your worries.  It seems you have a lot on your plate right now and you have every right to worry.  Please please please try not to think about not being here for your family.  You will learn so much from the pink sisters here.  Stage 0 to Stage 4.   And every one of us are here because of the wonderful doctors and technologies available to them to help us.  We all have our stories about our battles.  THAT'S the good news.  I mean, we are still here telling our stories (which beats the alternative).  

When I learned about my cancer, I was thrown for a loop.  I thought "how could this be?  there is NO history of cancer (at all) in my family".  I was angry, scared, determined, depressed ... all those emotions that one gets in touch with that no one really wants to get in touch with.  


I am one year out of active treatments.  My new normal way of living has not slowed me down much.  For me, staying positive and having faith kept me from losing my mind.  When I did have those days where I felt like I wanted to stop treatment, my pink sisters were always here to pick me up and offer me the gentle words that I needed.  

Thank you for sharing your story with us.   We will do whatever possible to help get you through this.  Have you been advised to see a breast surgeon?  That is usually the first step.  IF you haven't heard that, maybe what was seen is not BC.   You might want to call the clinic back and ask exactly what it is they saw.  It could be a cyst or fibrosis.  

I pray that you don't have to travel this road.  BUT...if you do, you will not be going it alone.  We are here for you.

God Bless ...



Amanda9905's picture
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2013

Thank you Mary!!! So much!!! I go next Thursday for 3 hours of testing to see what all it is. You have no idea how much you and Linda have already helped me. I sure do wish I knew this site was here when I had stage 1 colon polyp cancer. Sometimes I get so down because of the health problems I have. I also have Interstital Cystits Bladder disease and Fibro. It seems I get something under control and something else happens to me. Sometimes I want to ask why? However I know I shouldn't because God never puts more on you than you can bare. All I know is that they are very concerned. They are even talking about if it's not cancer still doing masectomies because of my history and my mom's family history. You have no idea how much you have helped me. I can't thank you enough and Linda!

SIROD's picture
Posts: 2199
Joined: Jun 2010

Dear Amanda, I know how you feel, put out one fire and another takes it places.  Welcome to the discussion board.  Many sisters here will help you along if you do have breast cancer.  It still can be many other things.  

Worst, if it is, you will deal with it, just the same way you have dealt with everything in your life.  First, I advise when you learn if you DO have breast cancer is read about it before making decisions.  I wish that I had.  

I'm 18 1/2 years since my breast cancer diagnose, 14 with mets and been reading and participating online forums and discussion boards since 1997.  I'm still here.  I have fibromyalgia too.  If cancer isn't enough, pull up a chair, I have a whole lot of other medical issues we can discuss.

You have young children so I can understand your fear and concern.  I had a 14 years old son and one who just started college when I began the journey.  I still remember how fearful I was that they wouldn't have a mother.  There both way into adulthood now.  

I also had a tumor in the axilla (armpit) which was my first recurrence.  This is known as a regional recurrence and I still remained the same stage I was a diagnosed.  I was treated with a 2nd lymph node dissection having the first with the mastectomy in 1994.  No sentinel node biopsy at that time.  I then had radiation.  It's doable, as I worked during my first recurrence, my second recurrence and with mets, I took a new drug which was Arimidex at the time and went NEAD for 8 years (no evidence of active disease).  I am telling you all this so you can have some hope.

A diagnose is not a death sentence.  My 3rd recurrence in 2008 was my worse with lungs, pleura and ribs but here I am still working and doing treatment.  I was ER+, PR- HER2 - so for 18 years after my chemo ended on March 17, 1995, I went on to hormonal drug therapies.   I am presently doing "Taxol".

If you have any question, please ask.  Lots of women here have been through this disease and doing well.  You can if you wish private message me, I'll be glad to answer any of your question.

Good luck and let us hope you have an inflammatory node.  If not, we are all here for you,




lintx's picture
Posts: 691
Joined: Sep 2012

I don't want you to panic before all the info is in the hands of your DR.  I do realize how afraid you are, and we've all been there, too.  You will be guided in the right direction.  There isn't another word I could add to Mary's note.  She said it all, beautifully. Please come back to share and learn.  Big hugs, Linda

Amanda9905's picture
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2013

Thank you Linda!!! My family dr just called me and asked how I was. She said she had got the first report and to make sure I keep the 3 hour appt!!

DebbyM's picture
Posts: 3293
Joined: Oct 2009

When is your appt. Amanda?  Did you already see your doctor?


Posts: 579
Joined: Dec 2010

You certainly are doing the right thing seeing specialists now.  Don't look back.  Many have to consider, insurance, cost here for medical procedures.  Please keep posting, we really care.  Just to mention my cancer is not caught by mammograms I had them every year.  We are all different.  Good luck.

carkris's picture
Posts: 4554
Joined: Aug 2009

This is a tough time not knowing, and the anxiety and fear creep in. what do you do to cope, i found distraction to help. Keeping busy busy busy. Hugs. We are here

Angie2U's picture
Posts: 2992
Joined: Sep 2009

I will be praying that you will hear good news.  We're a strong group of pink sisters that will be praying for you!

Good luck!

Posts: 382
Joined: Nov 2012

Hi Amanda,

I am so sorry that you are going through this nightmare right now. I hope you are given good news from your tests, but if you are not please don't beat yourself up about waiting.  You will deal with whatever cards have been dealt for you and fight.  You are already a cancer survivor and like others have said, a diagnosis is not a death sentence.  I hope with all my heart that  whatever they saw is benign and that you can move on with your life.  We will be here for you if you need us.  There are a lot of great people on this site that can answer a lot of your questions or just listen to you vent if that is what you need.

Hugs and prayers coming your way,


sea60's picture
Posts: 2618
Joined: May 2010

Never feel any negativity about expressing your concerns or feelings! I am so sorry you're having to deal with all the fear and anxiety but that's what cancer evokes in people. I'm hoping and praying it is NOT breast cancer. I know several women who have opted to do the same when they found out they carried the gene.

Sending my hugs and prayers and please let us know how you're doing.



Posts: 259
Joined: Apr 2013

Just saying how sorry I am and saying a prayer for you.

Gabe N Abby Mom's picture
Gabe N Abby Mom
Posts: 2415
Joined: Sep 2010

You are in the absolute worst part....waiting to know.  Please come back and let us know.




Alexis F's picture
Alexis F
Posts: 3602
Joined: May 2009

Hi Amanda!  I'm sending lots of hugs and prayers to you.  Good luck today with your tests and please come back and post to let us know how today went for you.


Posts: 6587
Joined: Oct 2010

Thinking of you...i'll check back for an update..



Carrie Graves's picture
Carrie Graves
Posts: 7
Joined: Mar 2013

Welcome to the site!   

I'm so sorry to hear about your about your diagnoses.  You're right God won't give you more then you can bare, keep your eyes focused on him.  Surrend your health, your life to him, he will take care of all of us.  You, me and all these amazing ladies are going to make it thru this journey, we are women, we are stronger then any cancer.  

Stay positive!

God Bless you!!!!




Alexis F's picture
Alexis F
Posts: 3602
Joined: May 2009

Staying positive is a big help!  And, just take it one day at a time.  Don't borrow more than you can handle.  Your doctors are the professionals and they will help and guide you.

We are all here to support and encourage you always!


Hugs, Lex

VickiSam's picture
Posts: 9085
Joined: Aug 2009

How are you doing dear Sister?  Hoping you are doing better.

Strength, Courage and HOPE for a Cure.

Vicki Sam


Posts: 4376
Joined: Jun 2009

Thinking of you Amanda and sending lots of hugs!


Treecy1106's picture
Posts: 159
Joined: Apr 2011

We are all here....so many of us who have been in your shoes.

Whatever you need we will help you through this!

Try and stay focused on being your best advocate by getting all the information about what is going on in your body.

Whether its cancer or not....if you have it in your family you need to protect yourself and gather as much information as you can.

Don't put the cart before the horse though wait until you know for sure.


(((HUGS))) Patrice

I will check in on you again....

gina.collazzo's picture
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2013

I'm the one in the black dress. In 2000, and 2011 I had surgery on my left axilla and under my breast. The Doctor said that the Cyst that was the size of a lemon, were benign and also removed lymph nodes that were also benign. Now this year I had a mammogram and it was negative, but as soon as it was done, they requested an ultrasound because they found something. So here I was scared to death. So they do the ultrasound. The doctor calls me in a week later because he wants to review the ultrasound with me. Now he said that I have a cluster of cyst about 7 of them in my right breast, accompanied by swollen lymph nodes. He said dont worry, just keep an eye on them. Now Im going crazy worried about what it can be because the pain is horrible. I dont know what to do. Do I wait till next year or do what.

Pink Rose
Posts: 493
Joined: Nov 2012

Gina, could you have a MRI? Or even a needle biopsy?  I don't know that I could wait a year.  I think it would bother me too much.  Maybe at least insist on a MRI. 

Update us when you can.


jnl's picture
Posts: 3873
Joined: May 2009

Sending you big hugs too and to let you know that we are all here to help. 

Hugs, Leeza

Sun Whitey
Posts: 36
Joined: Jan 2013

Hi Amanda,


I am sending you a great big giant hug RIGHT NOW!!!  I'm starting chemo on April 8th for 16 rounds so I understand your fear... and I am mainly writing to tell you that joining this online support group was the ABSOLUTE BEST THING I could have done!!!  The amount of love and support you will find here is unmeasurable!!!

Breathe deep, Amanda...know that we are here for you so write as much as you can and as often as you can for support.



DebbyM's picture
Posts: 3293
Joined: Oct 2009

Sending hugs too!

LoveBabyJesus's picture
Posts: 1680
Joined: Jan 2011

Hi Amanda --

I am so sorry you are going through this. I was dx at 32 in 2011. I harvested my eggs (no kids yet), took chemo, radiation and currently on tamoxifen for 5-10 years (possibly 10), and I will be on pills forever.

You've come to the right place! These ladies are AMAZING. They helped me so much during my journey, and they still do. If you need chemo or radiation or pills, whatever it is you'll need to treat your cancer (IF you have cancer), we'll be able to guide you on what to do to try and minimize the issues that can arise from treatments. You will do GREAT!

It is normal to feel scared and nervous. But once you get more information you will start to feel better. Don't forget to have faith and stay positive no matter what you see or hear.

I wish you the best of luck with everything. And please keep us all posted. We care.

Sending prayers your way sweet sister! You are not lone!



Kristin N's picture
Kristin N
Posts: 1969
Joined: Mar 2009

Thinking of you and hoping you're doing well.  You've got all the good luck I can send and even more prayers!

TexasCharlie's picture
Posts: 76
Joined: Nov 2012


  We all understand totally. I remember my thoughts when I first heard the words cancer, I was in shock. I had a suspicion that that is what it was but was in denial that it could be anything serious. I too had let it go way too long. It had come through my nipple and had started bleeding and I just bandaged it and went on with my life for months and months before I finally went tgo see a doctor.

 God has seen me through my trials and he will see you through yours.

 And please, you don't need to feel stupid talking about your problems here. Sometimes it is your sisters (and 2 brothers) that are the only ones who really understand.

Pink Rose
Posts: 493
Joined: Nov 2012

Praying for you Amanda and sending lots of hugs!

Posts: 6587
Joined: Oct 2010

checking back in to see how everything is going!



Pink Rose
Posts: 493
Joined: Nov 2012

Also checking back to see if you posted anything new.  Hope to hear from you soon.



Posts: 4376
Joined: Jun 2009

Many hugs and positive thoughts I am sending to you.  We'd all love to see a new update.

Hugs, Jan

Megan M's picture
Megan M
Posts: 3001
Joined: Dec 2009

Amanda, it has been so long since you posted.  The pink sisters start worrying around here and we are all hoping that you're doing better and will come back and post an update for us.

We're always open and someone is always here for you.  I hate when it's been awhile :(

Hugs, Megan

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