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"???" - Scan Results Confirmed? *** UPDATE ***

Sundanceh's picture
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009



This was a frustrating day…took over 4-hours for a blood draw and an onco consult:(


As soon as we hit their driveway we knew it was going to be a long day…so busy they had traffic controllers directing cars into waiting areas to queue just to get in line, LOL!


Front desk jammed…waiting room packed like sardines…SRO…then appt mishaps and reschedules followed by one couple who never checked in correctly and had the appt prior to ours…so we waited some more…


And then inside…waited…and waited…and waited some more…


And then came the apologies when he did show up at our door…1/2 a day gone from work on what should have been a routine visit. 


That hospital is more packed now than I’ve ever seen it…the Cancer Business is obviously alive and well...


Anyway, he comes in and blah blah blah…I said let’s talk about these 8-words…


”New-Ill-Defined-Low-Density-Mass-1.5cm x 4.4cm”


The other day I alluded to the fact that it might be post-surgical & post-treatment scarring or some kind of ‘settling out’ from all of the work I had done in the liver…including a badly botched needle biopsy of the liver.


I asked my onc what he thought it was…


They were crammed for time and already late for their on-call assignment over at the hospital, so this consult was more like a Wham-Bam encounter at the No-Tell Motel on your lunch hour:)


Bottom line?


He doesn’t really know…nothing conclusive…said he is not too concerned…


But then, he is not exactly an excitable fellow…and this isn’t exactly his cancer either…


I mean that’s a pretty big spot of ‘haziness.’  4cm is noticeable….my liver tumor was 8cm….and my last lung tumor was 6cm….


Really, doc?


That’s the best you can come up with for all of this damn money and time I’ve wasted this cycle?  Hell, I had this much diagnosed yesterday (for free). 


He hem-hawed and mumble-fkd his way through the shortened version…but didn’t say anything that was concrete or even speculative in nature. 


They just “Don’t Really Know…”


He could sense the concern that I was expressing and said he would see me again in 3-months and he ordered an MRI that I could do if I can afford it then.  He said if I could not do it, then to just cancel it.  He is aware of my financial situation.


And that’s going to be an important decision…


See, as a nearly 9-year veteran of cancer, I’ve often talked about treating your cancer ‘like a business.’  


Knee-jerk reactions cost us in so many ways…this happened to me right after SteveD in England did his hemi-pelvicectomy….my arm was numb from the shoulder down and my hands and fingers were trembling something fierce.


Because of the timing of Steve’s surgery, I got scared that they would have to amputate me up to my shoulder….so we did a PET….that knee jerk reaction cost me $1800 of real out of my own pocket money…I have it set up on an 18-month plan of $100 a month.


So, my panic set me back to 2015…and there have already been more scans that have been done….and many more to come…I’ll just never get out. 


Years ago when I came here, I opened a post about the cost of financial ruin the longer you find yourself in a cancer fight.  I’ve probably got 20-medical bills I’m paying on….1/2 of those went to collections that I’ve been trying to settle.


But, just those destroyed my credit…we found that our recently when we went for a loan we needed and they pulled up past cancer bills that had torpedoed a good credit record.


So, I have to be careful….I’ve got a few “Green” bullets, but not enough of them…I have to be careful when I decide to pull the trigger.


This got me into trouble before and actually ended me up in my last fight…cost me 3-years and nearly my life...


There are many components to fighting a cancer battle, but for the vast majority of us, we operate under the financial constraints of the insurance that we can barely afford – and even more to the truth – that we can barely afford TO USE.


So, the plan is to watch and wait…he’ll see me in 3-months and we’ll see if I do the MRI…if I don’t….then it would be CT in six-months at the next scheduled date.


I don’t know how I feel about all of this…


I’d be lying if I said it was not on my mind….quite a bit today obviously.  I’m not scared…my thoughts are just how hard I would have to work – just to get back where I am right now….and that’s a burdensome thought right now. 


But, I’ve got to have Faith and Trust here…


My onc doesn’t seem too worried…so I’ll try and follow his lead…


You know we all want to hear – what we want to hear…


And this visit just wasn’t conclusive – not thumbs up nor thumbs down…I guess we could sum it up by the Baseball Rule – “Tie Goes to the Runner…”  :)


So, here’s what we’re gonna’ do now…:)


No worries from any of you….all will be well with me…it’s a funny feeling…I don’t know how to feel…other than confused that we couldn’t identify or nail this thing down further.


But, I can’t worry on this incessantly…and I don’t want you to either…your hands are already so full…he didn’t say cancer…so I’m going to go with ‘still clear’….at the 21 month mark….


A little bit of air out of my tires today, but tomorrow I’ll have moved through this and moving forward with what I have to do. 


To be a long-term fighter….is to understand enough about cancer not to panic and come unglued when things don’t always appear to be what we hoped they would be. 


I think the next 3-months might tell us more…


And so, I’m tabling the discussion I wanted to have with this post (sorry Pete) until I can see how this plays itself out.  It can wait…


This is not the post that I had envisioned a couple of days ago…but, I wanted to let everyone know I was okay as I can be, so you wouldn’t worry incessantly.  Thank you all for your prayers and concern!  I sure appreciate you!



Posts: 1170
Joined: Sep 2012

Thanks for the info. I'm sure many, like myself, have been waiting for your post. Pleased that the onc isn't worried. However, as you pointed out, it is not his cancer. I don't think it's cancer. It could be so many other things. If it is cancer, it should be an easy fix. At least all other areas are clear. Results could have been so much worse. I know you will process this and move forward without missing a beat. Congratulations on a good scan!


What about your CEA? Or is it a poor indicator for you?

Posts: 753
Joined: Apr 2011

Craig.....was your CEA low? An area that large would surely elevate that pretty good, unless it never was accurate for you.

Thanks for the update. You'll be ok.....what a crazy day. Yes, the cancer business is in full-swing. I've noticed that too. Sometimes when I feel alone in this, I think it's almost the other way around. Seems like there's fewer who don't have the da*n disease.

Sundanceh's picture
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Glad to let you off the hook:)

Just got some of my blood work back....my CA19-9 has to be sent out to another lab...but CEA came in at 4.0....it has been trending upward in small increments the last 12 months or so....not panicked here....still under the norm.  CEA was valid with my liver....and totally invalid with my lungs...the marker meant nothing....I was down to 0.8 then and had a 6cm tumor squeezing the breath out of me in my chest cavity right by my spine...go figure, right?

Most of the report was good....there was some good stuff in there...I was excited about one particular component...but just deflated a little bit to talk about it tonight....just got back in from doc you know....perhaps later in the post tomorrow or something. 

But you know, Chels....that's a big area...why couldn't he tell me with certainty that it was just 'Residual Fallout?' That would have taken the anxiety out...but the answer is he just can't say that conclusively. 

I'll just keep going forward and look at it again in 3 more months....

Thank you for responding!  Keeping you and Steve close...Sundance can't be beat...next scan will be more defined I hope:)


LivinginNH's picture
Posts: 1458
Joined: Apr 2010

Hey, Sorry that was inconclusive, but it could be worse!  Quick question for you while I'm sitting here in traffic.  Why doesn't your insurance company pick up the cost of the MRI?

Posts: 2215
Joined: Oct 2011

Craig if you remember last April I pmed you freaking about something my scan showed on the top of my lung nut my onc wasn't concerned with it and said the next scan will tell us more about it. I calmed and let it play itself out. No changes in the last 2 scans. In fact it was recently explained to me it is on the outside of my lung and at the top which is not a place that colon cancer travels to. I had my surgeon look at the last scan to confirm.

My point is you helped me out calmed me down.

I have to believe that you are right for following your doctors lack of concern as was the case with me last year.

I know it is not what you wanted to hear from the doctor nor was it what I wanted to hear from you. Just  another crappy part about this disease and the things we encounter as long term survivors.

Keep the faith. I am always 100% behind.


annalexandria's picture
Posts: 2573
Joined: Oct 2011

Because I only do PET/CT scans, I have had so many false alarms over the last few years.  Most resolved on their own, a few turned out to be cancer and needed my surgeon to come in do the "resolving".  I hope this will turn out to be the kind that heads for the hills without having to send the sheriff out, but if not, I know you can face up to whatever lies in the future.  You're one tough dude, dude.  Hugs from AA

dmj101's picture
Posts: 527
Joined: Nov 2011

Craig - I hate this business but it keeps me employed...

I will be praying for you.. I have a scan this saturday and I just hate this stuff.. I am tired of it.. so tired..

Love to you .. and hope you can find peace.



Posts: 1607
Joined: Aug 2012

Positive thoughts, prayers and hugs...hope the doctor is right in not being concerned!

maglets's picture
Posts: 2596
Joined: Jun 2006

gosh I feel like such a goofball.....never any wise words....words of wisdom....hold on dear friend....so so sorry you are having to do the dance....I send you prayers and love and calm.....breathe breathe dearest Craig.....

love you......mags

Varmint5's picture
Posts: 384
Joined: Feb 2012

Just rotten that you have to be kept in limbo like this. Apparently it didn't look enough like cancer for them to jump on it and declare it cancer, so hopefully that will be the case. Could you have another radiologist look at the scan? Would that do any good? Sure wish you'd gotten a more definitive answer, like "definitely NOT cancer." Hang in there, Craig. You are on top of this. We'll hang in there with you.


wolfen's picture
Posts: 1329
Joined: Apr 2009

I suppose this means I can't exhale that sigh of relief that I'm holding for another three months. What a croc and I don't mean the ones in Florida!

I'll stow this info, as you will, in the far corners of my mind and bring it up later.

I definitely don't think you got your money's worth out of this movie and should ask for a refund.

Luv Ya,

"Mama" Wolfen

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

prayers and smiles from germany.



lilacbrroller's picture
Posts: 412
Joined: Jun 2012

Good luck, Craig. Love your graphics (ID Photo)Kiss


lilacbrroller's picture
Posts: 412
Joined: Jun 2012

Good luck, Craig. Love your graphics (ID Photo)Kiss


Posts: 271
Joined: Nov 2011

I wouldn't want to wait another 3 months since this grew to this size quite quickly.  Dime sized by 3 dimes.  The smaller the better when it comes to curative intent.  

Believe me, I understand the money concerns.  I still owe $6,000 from co pays and get collection calls daily and we have good insurance.  Now I have another PET in April. That'll add another $1,500 out of pocket....   

I would insist on a PET.  

Wishing you well, sir. 

johnnybegood's picture
Posts: 1122
Joined: Oct 2008

it turned out to be "one of those visits" i have had some of those.glad your trying to put it in the back of your mind but we all know how it always tries to creep back in.i guess thats how we have to learn how to live in these types of situations.for me i have learned just to lay it all at HIS feet,sometimes its hard but i am getting there...(((HUGS))) to you my friend and thanks for letting us know....Godbless....johnnybegood

Sundanceh's picture
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

The radiology doctor sent this reply through my doctor...and I picked it up:

"I do not believe this is typical for a metastasis and favor this is post radiation change."

This helps lend some credence to the theory I was discussing yesterday...about the 'settling out' or the 'fallout' from all of the procedures I had done to my liver.

1.  Badly botched liver biopsy resulting in a large bone bulging out of my ribs for over 5-years (recently it has recessed and is nearly flush)

2.  RFA on the liver...burned out an 8cm tumor...size of a small orange.

3. Cyberknife radiosurgery to treat the areas of the tumor that RFA could not reach. 

I also had a fully opened abdoment when we did the RFA...we went in with liver resection as the goal and had to change plans.  Lots of scar tissue and residuals there...that was too much tumor to burn out, but we had no other options as the doctor concluded that the liver resect would have killed me in the O/R. 

I also have fatty liver disease and stage I fibrosis in the liver...so I was fighting that and cancer in the liver at the same time.

What was reported back was what I had originally thought...and my onc also said it could be residual...and that's why he said not to worry...but as with some things, they are not always definitive.

I've also lost a little bit of weight...he thinks it's conceivable that the area was "hidden" from view and could have been there all along...and then the rad tech now sees it as "new" and reports it as such. 

The thing about our bodies is that the trauma continues to evolve inside us long after the treatment has ended.  One of the first things I ever heard when I started from the beginning is the fallout and reprucussions from surgeries and treatments.....10 years after the fact....and even if you never did another thing past the original. 

I haven't had cancer in the liver in 5-years now...it moved to lungs...and we stamped that out with two tries...I fear more lung recurrence...or the brain...that's where my real fear is...in the brain...it's the next stop in the colon train for me.

I just can't see how it could appear that quickly...after 5-years removed from that area...and to be that big so quickly. 

Maybe I lost enough fat that was helping to disguise a hazy area that's been there all along....and is a part of the past...and not a part of the present?

CEA has trended upwards in very small increments....like .1 up every three month blood draw...it's now at 4.0...still in the norm range...I'm waiting on my CA19-9 results...that number had trended to the lowest ever just 3-months ago. 

I'm not sick....I know it...this is a smoke screen...I feel too good to be sick right now.  I've watched my cancer double and double again when it went to my lungs. 

If it is something, perhaps more definition will be revealed on the next scan...I'm sure I will have to revisit this in June and do at least an MRI...I really don't want to push out past that.

June 2013 will be good timing...it will mark the 9-year mark since diagnosis. I hope to have good news to share.

At least the radioligist let my onc and me know what their 'opinion' was...they don't feel it is a metastasis situation...I'm going to lean that way as well.

I wanted to thank everyone who has commented. 

RE: Patch, I'll be okay...it takes alot to rattle my cage:)  I didn't make it this far by accident:)

I let a few words on the report dent my enthusiasm...it's a reminder of how strong that words can be...and how much of a hold they can have on us.  We're always held under such a tight grip...and I've got to use all of my experience and discernment to trust in my medical team that has played such a HUGE role in my longevity since I turned to them for my care almost 4-years ago in June. 

They ARE the reason that I'm here today...my onc held my feet to the fire when I was last in treatment...he wouldn't budge...he wouldn't give...he pushed...I responded...and we won!

I'm going to be OK...

Say it with me..."He's going to be ok..."

With all I've waded through, especially this last year in non-cancer related challenges, I just can't be dealt a setback...not now.

I've decided to have my Spring...and nothing is going to stop me from having it...cancer or no cancer, I'm having Spring 2013...we're moving outside...firing up my bldg...and working on our property...the neglect is obvious and there is much hard work to do. 

After nearly 9-years of this stuff....I'm tired, folks...

And that was the same line that I used to the folks then when I first joined here back in 09...I'm even more tired now...and tired of all of it.

Residual fallout really does sound like the answer here...

Craig:  9-years in June and 21 months clear? with an asterick *.

I slept it off last night...and feel okay about things today...I wanted assurance from that consult...and when I didn't get the exact word, it messed with me for the evening.  Best thing is to lay down and sleep it off...and then wake up the next day with the peace and comfort to be calm in my decision and move forward with my life.

I'm wishing everyone well in your own personal situations and as you can see...it doesn't matter how many times you have to fight...or how many years either...the core roots of Fear and Trepidation will never leave you...the further along that you evolve as a long-term fighter, you simply learn when to shoulder that weapon - or when to pull that gun out of your holster and use it. 

If my team were really concerned...I feel from the care that they have provided me, that they would say something if they really felt it was warranted. 

My expectations were high of course...and they still are.  The next update post will be the bomb I'm sure of it. I'll be vindicated off the next one.  Just wait and see:)

Thanks everyone!





Varmint5's picture
Posts: 384
Joined: Feb 2012

That's all I can say. Whew. So glad to hear this added piece of info. What a roller coaster! Hang in there, Craig.


lesvanb's picture
Posts: 911
Joined: May 2008

Ugh, what a lousy checkup. Hugs for you, my intrepid friend.

I think your assessment here is good after hearing the radiologist's report. I've found those reports to be quite accurate. I also don't worry as much about my liver.

Is your stage 1 fibrosis in your liver from radiation tx? I worry about that in my lungs, though worry never did help any situation.

Here's to a good spring Craig!

"Work when there is work to do. Rest when you are tired. One thing done in peace will most likely be better than ten things done in panic.. I am not a hero if I deny rest; I am only tired."  –Susan McHenry

Ride on,


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Joined: Oct 2011

I am going to take that as a victory. A victory for yoh is a victory for ALL of us.

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Joined: Sep 2012

So in light of this good news we will now be looking forward to that new post you've been mentioning.  

LivinginNH's picture
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Joined: Apr 2010


Well now, that's better!  :)   That's the news I was hoping to hear my friend.  The tears falling down my cheeks right now are those of happiness for you.  Dang, you had me quite worried there for a few days- so no more of that, ok?  ;)



tommycat's picture
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tommycat's picture
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ron50's picture
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Joined: Nov 2001

Wishing you well. I can remember having an endoscopy a few years back. When I woke up my doc told me he was 99% sure I had stomach ca. The 1 % turned out to be wall to wall ulceration. The percentages were in my favour...Ron.

Posts: 271
Joined: Nov 2011

That sounds much better. Whew......  9 down and another 50 years to go. Hang in there my friend! 

wolfen's picture
Posts: 1329
Joined: Apr 2009

Big sigh of relief now.



Sonia32's picture
Posts: 1078
Joined: Mar 2009

Bro sending you lots of love and hugs. finally managed to work out how to post via my mobile on here so will be bugging yoy more. just sending prayers and all that is good your way. my tought texan pahhh you will be ok i know it

Phil64's picture
Posts: 838
Joined: Apr 2012

Craig, you are in my thoughts and prayers. The uncertainty, waiting, and simply not knowing is definitely one of the hardest things for me.  And in spite of the shadows cast from the unanswered questions WE must be hopeful and optimistic and focus on living.


God Bless!


Posts: 79
Joined: Dec 2012

Hello Craig


I am back to say: folks "He is Ok"


I admire your determination, knowledge, careful outlook and, most of all, your well-thought plan of action.


Wish you all the best, I will be waiting for your next update


barbebarb's picture
Posts: 464
Joined: Oct 2011

Always look forward to your posts and kind inspiration as well and candidness to all.

This is great news and you give us inspiration to keep moving forward.


thingy45's picture
Posts: 633
Joined: Apr 2011

Yes they are rattling the cage, let them. Sit back for now and relax. When the time comes and you do the MRI or scan, THEN

you will have to pay attention to what they outcome is. For now enjoy the next 3 months, stress c an kill you too you know.

We just lost Buzz, he always said.. it is what it is.... We all hate the scans but we need them, mine is up soon too and yes I am scared, anxiety galore, pain in lower back, but CEA still normal.

I tell my body every morning I am fine, you are doing great and you are healthy. If I believe that my body better listen to me.

If you feel good that is all that counts.

So Craig, I am telling you, you are doing OK, all will be good, specially with all the praying I have done for you.

Love you, hugs, Marjan



Maxiecat's picture
Posts: 544
Joined: Jul 2012

Just reading your post makes me feel frustrated for you.... Don't they know it is the not knowing that drives us nuts?  When I go in to see the doc I want to hear it from him...what not thinks is going on...not more uncertainty and lets just wait and see.  I had some of that and wound up having to get an MRI after I had asked if the dr had seen anything on my CT scan and was told all was fine.  Just today I found out that my CEA is rising...I had to ask for them to check it...found out they had not checked it since August.  I know it isn't necessarily an indicator for everyone...but what if it is for me?  I've been having back pain for the last 3 weeks...wentIto see the dr last week...he ordered X-rays.  I had them done this morning ...luckily I called the insurance co before I went... One imaging office would have cost me $500 more than another one.  If I had not called I would have been out another $500.  As it is I just got a $2500 bill from my drs office...this is after insurance paid their part.   Thank God we didn't spend all of the tax money on something frivolous like going out to eat dinner or doing some projects in the house.   I need to set up a payment plan with them this week.  For now we are just trying to take it one day at a time...but realize that this going to be a long and expensive journey.  It is what it is.



Sundanceh's picture
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I understand completely, Alex. 

I have to make sure the doc orders a CA19-9 blood test I like to review or he might omit ordering it.  Alot of times we just have to follow up it seems.  I have to constantly change most of my appointments even when I go over with them before I leave what times work best for my working situation. 

It was a frustrating visit...but they are a teaching hospital and they get assigned duties over the course of the year and this can cause confusion with appointments scheduled...one mishap or extra delay and it follows suit like tumbling dominoes...we just got caught up in a hurried short visit...but perhaps either he or his aid that day contacted the rad office for further clarification and we got the last piece of the puzzle (for now).   It just wasn't a proper visit and we didn't even look at scans or bloodwork....I checked out the blood that evening when the results came online. 

"It is what it is..." LOL!

The financial costs to surviving a cancer battle are the untold part of the equation when you're first starting out.  Nobody would listen anyway, because it's balls to the wall as the fight starts and the cash registers start ringing.

Now close to my 9th year...I've probably made the "2 Million $$$ Club" with retail cancer expenditures during that time.  And even with insurance (be dead w/out it and is the reason I still work) my out of pocket for that tab has torpedoed me on many occasions and it's been very hard just keeping up with that every calendar year. 

It has influenced my decision making process on two occasions during my cancer fight...

A few years ago up here right after I first joined, I made a huge, criticial mistake due to lack of finances (at that time)...

I thought I was smart enough by then to monitor my cancer through my bloodwork for awhile and save on some expenses that way...I had about 10 bills at that time from all sorts of medical facilities and it was around $900 a month out of pocket to keep up the minimum payments...I couldn't meet those regularly and feared running up any more...so I cancelled all of my scans...and even a lung surgery we had scheduled.

I had posted to the group about the "cost of cancer" in a long fight...I did it to help show the group what can happen the longer you have to fight the cancer fight...not for the one year you think it will be and then over...but from the long term perspective (which was just 5-years then).

It's in the archives..."The Road to Ruin" - At the Financial Crossroads...

I was just frustrated that once we get on the Medical Treadmill...it is so very difficult to get off...and stay off...so I talked openly about it. 

One of the ladies here had recently lost her husband to cancer just a couple of months prior to that post...and by happenstance, she was visiting the board that day and saw that post and pm'd me out of the blue wanting to help me pay for that scan that I had cancelled....it was for $753.00. 

I politely declined her generous offer and explained that I could never accept that kind of help, especially in light of her just losing her husband to the disease...

But she persisted...and explained that she felt her and her husband had done everything they could to battle his cancer...and that she did not want me to get down the road and look back at this critical crossroads....and KNOW she could have made a difference.

After much soul searching, I hesitantly accepted her kind offer and told her I would pay it forward anywhere I could...and she told me that she had been watching me for awhile and already knew that, as she read what I was trying to do...and that was a part of what also moved her to reach out...and there was a part of her that I knew needed this kind of a win against a cancer that had taken so much from her through the loss of her husband.

I called her "Angel" and that story was a nice story on this board at that time...it personally meant so much to me that Angel got huge recognition for her compassion and kindness to a stranger when I wrote up her story in my book. 

Now, I've settled with some collection agencies on prior bills...and some we lost and they ruined my credit completely...and I'm holding on to the half a dozen active ones now making monthly payments...and putting a plan together to try and pay out the smaller ones.....BUT the 'new ones' coming will replace those...

And so it goes...."it is what it is..."

We've got lots of house repairs on the books for years...cars need work too...and you just can't shake enough of those leaves off the money tree, can you?  You just watch it break...and then you learn to live without it, don't you?

But, that leads to depression I've found...your whole life just bends in at the middle and you feel as though you're gonna' break in half trying to hold onto it.  And everything is so expensive and many times you don't really get the value in the repair that you do save for...all very frustrating for a society that is increasingly geared towards getting the money, but not necesarily delivering on the promise of said payment.

The journey is long and expensive...I certainly can't say with any real conviction that I'm worth 2MIL...each day that I get up, I just try and so something for someone that helps pay the bill for me still being here...

It's a funny thing what they say, isn't it, Alex...

$$$ doesn't buy happiness...BUT $$$ does make problems go away...and therein lies its greatest benefit....to have just enough to trade for goods & services to keep us alive one more day than we had yesterday... 

Thank you for posting, Alex...and I'm sorry your CEA is up...and that your having pain the way you describe.  I'll remain hopeful for good things for you and your family....I'm just so sorry that everyone has to fight so hard for their survival...there are so many components to this battle...Physical / Mental / Emotional / Financial.

All we can try and do is slay these Four Horsemen and seek out the sunlight in another day....I guess we're really not promised any more than that. " 

'It is What It Is' is a popular cultural slogan these days...

But, I'm from the old school and favor the line of thinking that goes like... "There's the Way It Was - and the Way It Ought to Be..."


Posts: 2215
Joined: Oct 2011

Very well put Craig. I like you would be dead without insurance and keep working because well "I would be dead without insurance".

Posts: 509
Joined: Sep 2012

Hi Craig....I sure hope things get better for you! We do all have to struggle and worry so much and it is just not fair sometimes! They have been "watching" a spot on my lung for over a year now.  They tell me not to worry about it .... but as you say, it is not their cancer. To find peace is not easy while we are in this fight...but I find there are moments. 

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