Random Thoughts

I know it's only a 3 month check-up and it wasn't a scan, but I got a "perfectly normal" yesterday. I will take those words as many time as I can get them.

We have discussed this before, but the PA said you start counting your survival time at the completion of treatment. To me, that makes no sense as my chemo and radiation was considered adjuvant. SEER statistics uses diagnosis date which doesn't make any sense either since the cancer is still there. I'm confused. I think the date of surgery makes the most sense.

I am feeling fantastic. April will be a year since I completed chemo, and I have just started feeling good. Everyone loves my extremely curly hair (or they are being nice) and I am okay with it too. As I was waiting for my appointment at Seattle Cancer Care yesterday, I felt so happy that I had come so far and yet I was overwhelmingly saddend when I saw people suffering. I guess that's what a traumatic experience does for you. I am growing more optimistic, but I'm afraid that if I start feeling too optimistic that I will be utterly crushed if this thing comes back. I know I am at a very high risk, but I will tell you that something told me in my car that everything was going to be okay and I felt so much warmth and safety that tears started streaming down my face. It was real and so completely random.

My oldest son will turn 11 tomorrow and I got to go watch his beginning band concert tonight. It was so precious. Notice the word "beginning." He plays the trombone and it is bigger than he is, it was the most beautiful music I have ever heard.

I don't know why I am so wordy and emotional tonight. Just know that I pray for everyone on here and I hate it that any of us have to go through this mess.

Respectfully,

Rachelle