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Brenda Bricco
Posts: 579
Joined: Aug 2011

I just got a call from Oncologist, Hubby's CEA went up from 21 to 46 so we are scanning Monday, getting results on Tuesday. I wish they would have contacted him because now I have to give him this news. I feel like I just got the wind knocked out of me. Frown

Brenda Bricco
Posts: 579
Joined: Aug 2011

He has been through so much... I don't want to be the one to give him bad news, this might sound selfish but I have been building him up with hope and now I have to be the one to tear him down? It just makes me sad and numb; the tears are here now so the numb must be wearing off. :(

Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5193
Joined: Jan 2013

I am so sorry to hear about your husbands less than happy blood results. It must be hard being the one to tell him, with emotions so close to the surface, but it may also be a blessing to him to hear it from you. 

Tell yourself, Its all about him, it's all about him, even though I know that cancer is suffered by all of those who love him. 

My thoughts and prayers are with you both. 

Brenda Bricco
Posts: 579
Joined: Aug 2011

It is all about him, I just want him to be okay and not have to keep facing this disease. It makes me angry, sad and feel defeated some days.

Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5193
Joined: Jan 2013

I didn't mean to make it sound as though I thought you we'ren't thinking it was all about him. I can see now, that I worded that very poorly. Please accept my apologies. 

I can only imagine how hard it would be to be feel as though you were making progress and then find you have a set back. 

You will both be in my prayers.

Posts: 1607
Joined: Aug 2012

Hugs Brenda...i am so sorry to read this. Would have been nice for the doctor to call monday and say hey can you come in for a scan...so you wouldnt stress all weekend. I will be praying for you guys.

Posts: 753
Joined: Apr 2011

Brenda, oohhhh I know this is hard. Remember though, some times you have to battle this more than once.
I wish I could be right there with you. Hopefully it is something that can be treated without difficulty.
You have tremendous faith......stay with it.
((HUGS)) for you and Dennis

Sundanceh's picture
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

The specter of recurrence is always in the shadows.  While we all hope that we only have to face it once and then it will behind us...there are many, many cases where this is just not the case.

Recurrence is what makes the cancer fight so tough to close out...

Try seeing it this way...if something is brewing, you've already picked it up on the radar and as such, have a good opportunity to beat it back down again.  There's always a chance it could be something else. 

But, if it is...I would echo Janie's sentiments...you are a woman of faith...and you know that He will be there for you...that's what was promised.  I've been studying as of late.

Hold that close to your heart. 

I know it's a thud right now...nothing, not even faith, can initially take away that feeling...but, I'm hopeful after the shock has worn off, that you will both be ready to try again, if the situation warrants it.

Hugs for now!


Varmint5's picture
Posts: 384
Joined: Feb 2012

My heart goes out to you. I have thought about you so many times and your struggle as the caregiver - your worry, your stress, your sadness. I've been having a hard time of it myself lately, in fact I've been a real mess. So you have my empathy and my sympathy. I know how hard it is and how worried you are, and now having to tell him this, it's just too much at times.

I keep thinking about the time I was sitting in the doctor's office at urgent care, having smashed my finger at the last knuckle and trying to avoid infection and in such a panic, telling him that I could not do ANYTHING involving surgery or whatever because of my daughter's situation. I had just been through nearly cutting off my little finger and emergerncy surgery and all that the summer before my grandson was born and my daughter diagnosed. I need to be available for her and not "laid up" with my hand immobilized as I was then. I was near tears, telling him to just give me an antibiotic and put a bandaid on it.

So that's what he did, even though the bone was broken under my nail and it was cut pretty bad. But I think that emergency visit was a Godsend - he sat me down and told me about his friend. He said his friend was diagnosed 8 years ago with stage IV colon cancer with a lot of liver involvement. He had surgeries, chemo, all kinds of treatments over the course of three years and it came back several times - it took three years to get it gone. And since then, he had been cancer-free for five years. I just loved that story and I try to remember it when I am having a hard time.

This is a setback. You'll just tell your hubby and support him as he battles it back down again. You can do it. He can do it. Hang in there. I know it's so hard. I'm sorry this has happened. But you two know how to battle this evil beast. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.


Posts: 1170
Joined: Sep 2012

Hi Brenda.

I know the feeling you described. I've had the wind knocked out of me many times. I realize how disappointed you must be. If something shows up on the scan, it is likely that it can be treated. I'm guessing you had high hopes that maybe it would not resurface. I'm sure this is a huge let down. This is how I felt four months after Steve's surgery when the cancer returned. I now look at the situation differently. I view Steve's cancer as something that will always be present for as long as he's alive. Even if there is no sign of it. Hopefully each time it rears it's ugly head, we can eliminate through surgery etc....it is a marathon, not a sprint. Not exactly the life we hoped to lead, but what can you do? Got to play the hand you're dealt. I'm sorry you have to break this news to him. I hope it goes well for you both next week. Take care.


Brenda Bricco
Posts: 579
Joined: Aug 2011

Well, I told him... I was right about how it would hit him, I saw sadness wash over his face so I told him that we would go after what ever IF it is something.

Thank you everyone for everything, it helps to feel like I am understood.

It's okay Trubrit... I wondered how my post must have sounded. Wink I know you didn't mean to sound mean or anything.

Thank you guys for reminding me of my faith, it has always been hard for me to pray when I am scared.

I called his team in Madison before he got home and told them what we were looking at and they said it's "doesn't sound like anything to get all worked up about" and that if something is there then we will just laser or nip it out (hopefully). I know it could be something but they just have a way of getting me down off the ledge.

Something that I haven't talked about is that I am a melanoma survivor (2000) I have had a lesion on my liver since 2001 that they have been watching - it grew recently so I had to go see a surgoen who says it looks benign and wants to scan again in a year (you can imagine how that settled in). Judith (liver surgeon's assistant) could tell that I was feeling deserpate and spent some time talking to me so I brought up my fears and anxiousness about my liver. I asked her if she thought that I could consult with Dr. Winslow even though I am not a for sure case as of now and she said to bring my scans with me and she will look at them, if she thinks I need further attention they will get my own case going. This has really been in the back of my mind and I was honestly feeling like I would deal with it once I know that Dennis is okay (I knew that that wasn't being very smart).I hope this explains why I have been so nutty lately, my apologies to everyone. On a positive note it would be a ways out if it's melanoma met so I am just glad to know that I am gonna have one of the best surgeon's ever oversee my situation and especially Dennis'.

We had dinner plans this evening (one year anniversary of liver resection), I told him we could stay in but he wanted to go (he really is social butterfly). We went and had a really good time (better than I thought) so maybe it's the lime vodka, maybe it's you guys but I have a sense of calm over me now and I feel protective and ready to fight for my hubby's life again.

I hate this disease... I hate it for us all. I hope you all have a great weekend, I am sure gonna try.

GOD's blesings to you all.


pete43lost_at_sea's picture
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

i am glad you have faith, alas our challenges comes from the same place as miracles, all you can do is love him. now more than ever, day by day.

feel what you feel, alas you know the reality of our illness, we all do also. you have many caring for you and lots of prayers.

prayers and hugs for you and denis,


ps you answered the phone and spoke to the onc, i think you are the perfect person to give denis the news. walkup tell him what you were told asap, then give him a smile and a big hug and whatever else might get his mind off the illness. then say lets come up with a plan, maybe my little motto suits. you may not prevail but you will never fail. of course thats in repsect of trying.

alexinlv's picture
Posts: 194
Joined: Jul 2010

Thinking and praying for you both, Brenda!  

swordranch's picture
Posts: 35
Joined: Feb 2013

Hi Brenda, I have been on both sides now, as the caregiver and the patient.  My husband was diagnosied with a very rare form of prostate cancer which is now in his liver, stage 4.  And then I was diagnosed with an ugly, so far, stage 3 rectal cancer 1 year ago.  My husband has had surgery and two bouts of radiation in the last nine years.  I have had chemo/radiation, surgery and than 7 months post surgery chemo.  Will have the results of that in two weeks.  My point is that I have been both the caregiver, bearer of bad news, as well as the one that could hear and understand what the doctors where saying because of the well known cancer patient denial.  And then I have been the reciprocant of that bad news too.  Both are unbelievably hard, I am am not sure that emotionally the caregiver part is not the hardest because you are the one that hears and understands what the doctor is really saying and have to weigh telling them over and over again what the doctor really said even if it is negative because you know they need to go back for a different treatment while they argue that the dr. did not say that.  Physically obviously hardest on the patient.  Obviously, my husband did not understand the rigors of going though chemo but I know that watching me go through that was harder on him then dealing with his own cancer.  Please know that you have to stay healthy through this all, as well, and do things that will help you stay that way.  It will be harder on him if you get sick, it is all about both of you and how you hold each other together through this.  On another note, I strongly recommend, reiki massage, accupuncture and hypnosis for relaxation for both of you.

Blessings to the both of you.


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