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One year ago today I heard those dreaded words

rnayriv
rnayriv CSN Member Posts: 38 Member
in Kidney Cancer #1

One year ago today I heard those words you never want to hear. I'm sorry you have cancer. That was a horrible day and it's been a horrible year for me.  Just got home from getting my chest xray and labs done. I go tomorrow for my one year MRI. I'm a little nervous but not too much. I'm just feeling allot of different emotions today. I'm happy that I'm cancer free, I'm mad at the hell I've been through this past year and I'm still very scared that It's going to return. I know my chances are very slim that it will return but I'm still scared. Did anyone else feel this way? Feeling very very emotional today!!

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Comments

  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge CSN Member Posts: 2,798
    #2
    Still scared

    You have it all wrong - the real question is whether there's anyone out there who didn't/hasn't/doesn't still feel that way?!

    (The answer is - very few!)

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  • icemantoo
    icemantoo CSN Member Posts: 3,362
    #3
    Texas_wedge said:

    Still scared

    You have it all wrong - the real question is whether there's anyone out there who didn't/hasn't/doesn't still feel that way?!

    (The answer is - very few!)

    Scared

    It took me 7 and 1/2 yeats to start writing on this blog and put the scariness in perspective. Even the Icewomen (my wife) was scared and she didn't have the surgery/

     

    Icemantoo

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  • foxhd
    foxhd CSN Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    #4
    icemantoo said:

    Scared

    It took me 7 and 1/2 yeats to start writing on this blog and put the scariness in perspective. Even the Icewomen (my wife) was scared and she didn't have the surgery/

     

    Icemantoo

    nope

    You are the only one...........poor attempt at gallows humor. If someone isn't anxious or scared, then they haven't been paying attention.

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  • todd121
    todd121 CSN Member Posts: 1,448 Member
    #5
    Scared

    Frightened. Worried. Anxious. Sometimes obsessive. I have what they've said is about a 50/50 chance it will return and it scares me. I had a ct and bone scan 2 weeks back and it was clean. Of course I'm glad for that, but the idea that it could very well come back doesn't give me much relief. Angry. Sad at times. Happy at times. Scared a lot of the time. Pretty much sums it up. I'm normal some of the time and do manage to forget about it sometimes now, but it's still the first thing I think about when I wake up during the night or in the morning. The thought occurs to me, I had (have?) kidney cancer. That wasn't a bad dream, was it? Damn. It wasn't. It was real.

    I can relate. You're not alone.

    Sending you a hug and I hope you feel better, and I hope everything comes back NED.

    Todd

     

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  • rnayriv
    rnayriv CSN Member Posts: 38 Member
    #6
    Better day today

    Yesterday was a doozy. Talk about emotional roaller coaster. Today is better I went for my MRI and will have results next week. I'm glad I have somewhere I can come and vent. Thanks for reading and responding. Well gonna go pick up my children from school and then get ready to go have a nice Valentines dinner with my husband. Have a good one everyone.

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  • adman
    adman CSN Member Posts: 336
    #7
    rnayriv said:

    Better day today

    Yesterday was a doozy. Talk about emotional roaller coaster. Today is better I went for my MRI and will have results next week. I'm glad I have somewhere I can come and vent. Thanks for reading and responding. Well gonna go pick up my children from school and then get ready to go have a nice Valentines dinner with my husband. Have a good one everyone.

    Continued good health...

    God Bless!!

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  • love_of_my_life
    love_of_my_life CSN Member Posts: 77
    #8
    Dreaded Word

    Its been close to 9 months since my wife Holly and I have heard them.

    We both had a ton of emotions return this week as she scheduled everything for her six month scan.

    I am doing my best to stay positive.  God is good.

    Tom and Holly

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  • garym
    garym CSN Member Posts: 1,647
    #9
    Texas_wedge said:

    Still scared

    You have it all wrong - the real question is whether there's anyone out there who didn't/hasn't/doesn't still feel that way?!

    (The answer is - very few!)

    Still scared...

    Its been 40 months for me, I had about the best prognosis anyone could hope for.  I am less scared now than I was then of course, but I don't expect the fear will ever be completely gone, its part of being vigilant and aware.

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