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My mom has cancer, don't know what to do...

Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2013

February 1st, my mom was diagnosed with abdominal carcinoma, which at that point had spread to her esophagus, stomach, and colon. She had been sick for 5 months before the diagnosis, not being able to keep down any food and ended up losing about 35 lbs. Her cancer is tumorless (probably microscopic) and the original estimate was 4 months, a year if the chemo worked. The following Monday, the doctors told her she'd get as much as a few years and there was a 5% chance she'd beat it. I was ecstatic. Today was supposed to be her first round of chemo. After doing many hours of tests, they've decided she is too sick to do chemo and it would probably shorten her life to a couple weeks. Right now the estimation is 6-8 weeks. I am crushed. My mom is my best friend and was my only friend through several hard moves in highschool. She was always in my corner and I love her to bitx. I'm not even sure if I'll be able to be happy again after she's gone. She means so much to me. I'm currently 20 years old and in the spring semester of my sophomore year in college in SC. My mom and family are in Maryland. I have a wonderful support group at school and I'm afraid to see her go like this. At school, I have tons of distractions. At home, I don't really know anyone in the area and I'd just be stuck watching her waste away. I'm not sure if I can handle watching her die. But she is my mother and I adore her. I want to be there for her. Anyone have any advice on what I should do?

Posts: 1122
Joined: Aug 2012

Dear Aray,

My daughter was 20 years old when I was first diagnosed with cancer. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I want to reply to you because I so deeply relate to what you and your mom are going through. I was divorced when my daughter was very young, and raised her alone. It sounds like you and your Mom are very close too.

My daughter was starting her junior year in college, out of state, when I was diagnosed. I did not tell her at first and she was angry. As a mother, I wanted and needed to know that she would be happy and finish college. I did not want her watching me go through chemo, radiation, and surgery. By the time she got home for Christmas, I had to tell her. It made me sad to see her so frightened. I needed to fight the cancer alone, and know that she was doing what she needed to do. I asked her to go back to college and do her
best for me.
I will pray for you and your Mom. Stay strong.

I cannot tell you what to do. If your Mom only has a few months left, you may want to stay with her. Trust what she tells you.

Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2013

I;m so sorry to hear you are going through this.  My mom was diagnosed with cancer on 2/8/2013 and suddenly passed away from miligant plueral effusion casued by the miligant cancer on 2/14/2013.  It was hard to see her like that but i spent just about every day by her bedside up until she passed.  The ICU team was great too and let me sneak in my 6 month old daugter to see her.

I can tell you what to do because everyone one and situation is different.  I can say that I wishI had more time with her and I'm grateful that I spent time before she passed.

sending prayers and hugs your way <3

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