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Brenda Bricco
Posts: 579
Joined: Aug 2011

Two years ago today I took my husband to the ER where he was dx as stage lv colorectal (many mets to the liver), after colon, liver resections, rfa and temp ileostomy we are NED at this time. I can barely stand to call upon the memories of the day and I can't believe that after two years of fighting I am still such a wimp. I am embarrassed to say that I live each day in fear of what's next. I should be jumping for joy that my husband has had such good results from treatment but I am so afraid of losing my best friend everyday. I am mourning the care free life before all of this (if not care free then maybe nieve to all the horrible stuff that can happen). I don't want to sound ungrateful because I really am grateful... I know lots of people don't get to where we are this day. I know that I am depressed but I put on the happy, fearless face for the man that I cherish. I thank GOD for all of my blessings and I hope I find a day that I can stop being afraid. I'm sorry if I sound ungrateful


Lovekitties's picture
Posts: 3372
Joined: Jan 2010

You don't sound ungreatful, just fearful and there is a big difference in the two.

You and hubby have faced the diagnosis head on and have come to have knowledge that no one should have to have...that there are no guarantees.

Fear of what "may" happen can be crippling if you let it.  Don't let it take happiness of  the days, months, years that he may be with no evidence of disease from you.

We only have just so much control in this journey.

Wishing you both many many more happy anniversaries of this day.


Marie who loves kitties


Coloncancerblows's picture
Posts: 296
Joined: Feb 2013

Congrats on your anniversary. I pray you and your husband have many years together. Since I'm new to this cancer forum, what does NED mean?

Brenda Bricco
Posts: 579
Joined: Aug 2011


We should really have a list of abbreviations for new people, it's easy to forget that it takes a good spell to become familiar with all of them.

You can just ask and someone will be glad to tell you. Wink

Posts: 72
Joined: Nov 2010

Congrats! There is nothing to be fearful of...It's important for the both of you to live one day at a time and not worry about if/when the other shoe will/may drop. It's no way to live.

My wife was diagnosed 2.5y ago (33) and had 20 bilobular tumors in her liver and after colon resection, liver perfusion, HIA, liver resection, RFA and 2 lymph node resections (last one tuesday), she is cancer free. My point is...she was NEVER supposed to get to be NED given how bad she was when she presented, but she has and we're very thankful for it. Had we worried about what tomorrow brought, we'd have worried unnecessarily to this point.



Posts: 1607
Joined: Aug 2012

I really understand that fear! Try to enjoy and let it go. My husband gets mad when i get sad. He says im thinking of the end and not living and enjoying today. Im trying! Celebrate and enjoy your good fortune...no one knows what the future holds.

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