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I missed you guys

VivianLee5689's picture
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

Sorry I haven't been posting much lately or joining conversations.  I have been reading people's posts, but I just haven't had it in me to reply.  My life is so complicated and I often find myself just surviving the days.  David hasn't made a whole lot of progress, which leaves me doing all the chores and paying bills.  He requires so much asssistance, but I am still glad I brought him home.  My biggest challenge is finding time I can sleep without worrying about missing something with him.  Having to put wood on the fire all the time is also a pain.  Especially since I have allergies and wood fires make me sick.  So you can imagine since I have to go outside and get the wood and put it in the fireplace I am paying for it.  I wish we had the basement furnace fixed so that the fireplace would be supplemental, not the source of heat in the house.  David sleeps downstairs by the fire so it is important that I don't let it go out.  The upstairs portion of the house has gas heat and I keep it at a cool 68, which feels great to me at night when I am sleeping.  We chose not to have the furnace fixed as it was going to cost $2500 and we aren't sure about the status of the house.  Of course Wells' Fargo has driven me absolutely batty.  We applied for a loan modification, but what we got was a forebearance for six months to let David look for work.  The payment is not much less than the initial mortgage.  They said after six months he could reapply for a loan modification and may get the 2% rate.  That is what we thought we were applying for in the first place.  That rate would substantially lower our payment and make it more comfortable to live here.  Instead now if he isn't here in six months I am screwed.  My name is not on the loan and although I have no real interest in the house, Wells Fargo will most likely go after me when the estate is settled.  I would live in the house with the 2% rate, but there is no way I can pay what they are asking.  As it is it looks like I will have to cash out my retirement.  I have to pay 20,000 this year in Cobra, I have 660 in child support a month through May, my daughter's car and my car.  If I take out my retirement I could pay all of those and the six months of house payments.  I don't really know of any other way to make it.  I am sorry for unloading on everyone, I am just tired of it raining on me.

Posts: 1846
Joined: Aug 2010

I know this is so hard.

Any way someone can come in and stay overnight and let you get a good night's sleep?  This will help you so much.

I can't think of anything really helpful to say other than I am thinking about you and saying a prayer.


Grandmax4's picture
Posts: 709
Joined: Dec 2011

I was just thinking about you and wondered if you've ever thought of getting hold of Suzy Orman and asking for her advice? I watch her show every Saturday and many of the calls she takes seem trivial compared to your problems....it's worth a try.

donfoo's picture
Posts: 1648
Joined: Dec 2012

Hi Vivian,

Glad to hear David is home and comfortable as can be. You need to find someone who can come and give you a break. You really must pursue that soon as you need to stay heathly too. I have no direct experience with this stuff but it seems most counties have some sort of program to assist with home care at least once in awhile. How about calling around the local churches? What about a community cancer network. Where I am I just picked up a newletter for a group that offers all sorts of services for free to cancer impacted ppl.

I am not expert on this but have some general how this works. The forebearance is quite common and used since it a simple and fast way to get you out of arrears and of immediate foreclosure processes. It does usually not solve the problem but defers it. They can adjust the payment to the new rate and then have you pay on that during the period ( 6 months) and then decide whether to make those new terms permanent. 

Since you are not on the loan, then you are not the borrower, so not liable but this needs to be handled by a lawyer familiar with the laws in your state as it relates to community property and such.

Depending on where you live, there are health care options for low income qualified ppl. Generally, you need to spend down your assets and then they willl consider what you make and get you qualified for some sort of assisted care program. 

Please reach out to as many ppl you can as soon as you can. You have a lot on your shoulders and given the difficult situation you are in, there must be help within your grasp.



VivianLee5689's picture
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

Well I had hoped to be home for a while, but David's fever went up so we are at the ER.  Lucky us.

ToBeGolden's picture
Posts: 695
Joined: Aug 2010

I'm hanging on also. One day at a time. All we can do. Rick.

Skiffin16's picture
Posts: 8286
Joined: Sep 2009

Hang in there, things have a way of working out...

Thoughts and prayers positive things will come your way soon.


CivilMatt's picture
Posts: 4317
Joined: May 2012



Sorry about David back at the hospital, but it is the best place to be with a fever.


I am also sorry about your house heating dilemma, I like wood heat and a warm house, but we converted our fireplace to gas and my wife likes a cool house.  So I am dressed to go to Phrannie’s (Montana) most of the time.


Hope things work out well for you.



phrannie51's picture
Posts: 4673
Joined: Mar 2012

in Caringbridge....but am glad you popped in here!

I know there must be a reason for not telling the bank about David's situation....that finding work in the next 6 months probably isn't going to happen....I'm curious tho, why not explain the whole situation to them?  I'm always guilty of talking too much, and I'm sure the bank has a regular protocol for these things, but I'm thinking they might not be in stone.  That they could see this as a special circumstance and alter that protocol to fit it.

Wood is hell....I had only wood heat for year and years, and like Matt changed to a gas stove in the living room...so I feel for you on that. 

I like it warm, too....so while Matt's dressed for Montana while in Oregon.....I'm dressed in Montana as if I lived in northern Alaska...LOL.  I've been in an ankle length down coat since October (with long johns, and double wool sweaters t'boot).

cureitall66's picture
Posts: 912
Joined: Aug 2012

My thoughts and prayers have been with you both. I have the Caringbridge linked to my email so am able to follow your days. I also sent you an email last night. Hope you get some fast relief on some things....I keep praying for some to come your way. 

Take care of yourself and try to rest when you can.


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