The O/T – “Mission Accomplished”

Sundanceh
Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
edited January 2013 in Colorectal Cancer #1

Today is a momentous occasion…Today is a victory in my life…Today represents me standing alone at the top of the pinnacle…after a year long climb up some of the most treacherous and jagged terrain I’ve ever had the misfortune to come across.

 

This is not a story about Cancer…

 

For me, this is a Tale of Redemption…

 

It’s the story of how one can run, seemingly for a lifetime…only to find one day, that you were only “Running in Place”…and never really putting any distance between you and the problem itself. 

 

It’s the story of how one can stand up to Adversity…how one can battle seeming overpowering odds…how one can battle the Adopted Daughter, who had her hand in my dad’s till and was working to gain control of the estate with either POA or through Guardianship…

 

It’s the story of how one can overcome prejudice from his dad’s friends…and even an entire church congregation…based on the false witness that my dad told the people in his life….none of which were even true.

 

It’s the story of being a newbie to the world of lawyers, probate court, estate probate, estate liquidation, and other estate business…plus a litany of things I had to figure out, starting from saving the estate from being taken by the State of Texas itself.

 

Mostly, it’s a story of what should have been…and it’s a tale of the darkest side of our Human Nature, that I’ve ever bared witness too…it’s the dark side of our natures that I despise so deeply.

 

And I saw it all the way…up and down the entire line…and the view wasn’t very pretty. 

 

We’re getting close to the point now, where this will become a story of What Was…

 

And then, we can begin to write the new story for me of What Will Be?

 

When all of this got started at the beginning of last year, I wrote in a post, that I expected no Personal Growth for myself with this chapter of my life

 

 How could I?

 

Suddenly, I was confronted by all of my old house guests from my past…the folks I had been running away from for most of my 50 years…you’re familiar with them…they run in some of your families too…Anger, Bitterness, Resentment, and Betrayal.

 

In the end, I would find out that his life had been a LIE.  And many of his friends found out at the very end of it….some of it I shattered, because I was tired of enabling him…and other truths emerged as his folks saw the REAL person while they visited him in the hospital. 

 

I witnessed some of that…and he was the meanest thing to his friends who came up to see him….he was very mean and angry with me on too many nights.  

 

The more I dug through his life…the more upset I got.  He did not handle his life the way he perpetrated it to be.  He buffaloed me through fear and intimidation his whole life…since nobody could ever challenge…he held onto “The Illusion of Control.”

 

Only at the end, did I see none of that….only false pride and bluster…unable to ask me ever for any help…for reasons that are between him and the Lord….he told all of friends to NOT TELL ME for 3 DAYS what had happened - and where he was.  

 

I don’t know why.

 

All my life, even into late adulthood, he always told me, “You’re not worthy enough to carry the name of Harrison."

 

Now, when I look at it…I think it’s the other way around…he got it backwards:(

 

He used to inspire me and ‘grow me up’ with such phrases as:

 

  1. “You’re a moody $hit – like your mother.”
  2. “You’re not a Virgo.”
  3. “You can’t pour pi$$ out of a boot.”

 

And the big one (that he used when he really wanted to insult you)…

 

“You need to change your name to X….” (insert mom’s maiden name for X).

 

What kind of bully beats up on his ‘planned’ son?

 

I guess that’s really what it was…just bullying…through fear and intimidation…through verbal and mental abuse…and if that didn’t work….we’d break out the razor strap and school me…and in later years, boots for kicking you up the stairs and hitting you like a grown man that you weren’t at 12-13 years of age.

 

I’ve not shed one tear…and after all of this…I doubt that I ever will…I don’t think I even can….that part of me died long ago… 

 

So, he’s gone…and all of his stuff is gone now too…I’ve dissolved him, piece by painstaking piece…we finally cleared the house….took us 7-months….

 

We threw out over 400 contractor sized bags of trash….we set out pile after pile of stuff by the curb for the pickers or the trash man…the pickers picked and picked some more….we had multiple picker and junk man teams circling the house like vultures…

 

They were passing out business cards…and running morning and evening shifts stopping by…rooting around and looking for treasure amongst the debris. 

 

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Comments

  • richls
    richls Member Posts: 54
    Wow, what a read. It seems

    Wow, what a read. It seems you got the short end of the stick in life. I can relate. It serms to have made you a better man. I know it has made me.

    Adapt and overcome. I like that. Hope you dont mind if I use that. 

    Hears looking to a better 2013 my friend. I always believed that if your not moving forward, your moving backwards.

    Good luck on your journey Craig.  I will be pulling for you.

  • Chelsea71
    Chelsea71 Member Posts: 1,169
    That was an interesting post,
    That was an interesting post, Craig. You've obviously overcome a lot in your 50 plus years. I'm sorry you had to endure such a difficult childhood. I'm sure everyone here agrees with Winter Marie's comment. Had you not been born and survived such a tough life, then hundreds of people here in this forum would not have benefited from your wisdom. I hope the rest of your life is so wonderful that it makes up for all those difficult years. Congratulations on being that much closer to closing that chapter of your life.

    Chels
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111
    Craig:

    Good job.  In the end, you did the right thing and deep down (ok, very deep down) you know that. 

    I am sorry you experienced the short end of the stick growing up.  Thats just wrong.  You don't need a lot of money and things to give your kids a good life, teach them right from wrong and well, just spend time with them.  I remember George telling Christy that your mom would like to see you married and settled down one day.  She replied she would like that too but she said she wanted what we had and that was not too easy to find.   It was then I really knew all the sacrifices we made putting her first was so worth it and I remember her graduation from Michigan State University, well, it was the icing on the cake.

    Take care my friend - Tina

    PS - I got the job!

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    Dear Craig

    You have come a long way, Baby!

    My own life has been filled with its own misery and sorrow, wishing things were different, better, more.  I was fortunate that in my late 20's I had a counselor who helped me understand that how people treat you is more about themselves than about you.  It was not a magic moment where all changed for the better, but it was something I could (and still continue to) bring out and remind myself when others' actions bring me down or hurt me.

    While cancer is a dastardly disease, it did get your fighting spirit going, showed you that you can "take a licking and keep on ticking", and showed you that you have what it takes to stand tall in the face of adversity.

    One never forgets the adversities of life, but always couple them with the way you handled yourself during it and overcame what was dealt you.

    Our past life experiences, good and bad, are what have influenced who we are today.  As long as you can face the mirror each day and like the person you see, then you are a winner.

    My congratulations to you and Kim for making it thru the trials and tribulations of the last year.  And I truely believe that Suzanne was watching from heaven, cheering you on and telling with pride to all there to listen..."That is my brother"!

    Hugs and love,

    Marie who loves kitties

  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571
    You know, sometimes the most wretched people...

    get a totally undeserved gift.  And that would be your dad, Craig.  He was given the gift of two lovely children (something many people would give anything to have) and he wasn't able to appreciate it in any way.  I don't know why...he must have been so profoundly damaged himself that he just utterly lacked the ability to love others (what were his parents like, I wonder...did you grow up with your grandparents on that side of the family?).  I'm sorry he was such a profoundly negative force in your life.  But you're like the phoenix...you've made it through the flames,  and can move on now with your life without your dad and all his darkness casting a pall over everything.  I think spending your money on a vacation, rather than a tombstone, is an excellent idea.  Hugs~Ann Alexandria

  • Varmint5
    Varmint5 Member Posts: 384

    Dear Craig

    You have come a long way, Baby!

    My own life has been filled with its own misery and sorrow, wishing things were different, better, more.  I was fortunate that in my late 20's I had a counselor who helped me understand that how people treat you is more about themselves than about you.  It was not a magic moment where all changed for the better, but it was something I could (and still continue to) bring out and remind myself when others' actions bring me down or hurt me.

    While cancer is a dastardly disease, it did get your fighting spirit going, showed you that you can "take a licking and keep on ticking", and showed you that you have what it takes to stand tall in the face of adversity.

    One never forgets the adversities of life, but always couple them with the way you handled yourself during it and overcame what was dealt you.

    Our past life experiences, good and bad, are what have influenced who we are today.  As long as you can face the mirror each day and like the person you see, then you are a winner.

    My congratulations to you and Kim for making it thru the trials and tribulations of the last year.  And I truely believe that Suzanne was watching from heaven, cheering you on and telling with pride to all there to listen..."That is my brother"!

    Hugs and love,

    Marie who loves kitties

    Wow, what a story... and I agree with Marie

    Congratulations to you and Kim for surviving all this! I hope writing all this out was cathartic for you and you can move forward now and put all this behind you - because it is now behind you. When it tries to creep back in, just say "To hell with you" and send it on! I think you should have a ceremony to celebrate - print this out and set it on fire and let the pieces just drift away (outside, of course!). Gone. Figuratively and literally. Best wishes to you as you move forward into a better year, Craig!

    Sandy

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member

    You know, sometimes the most wretched people...

    get a totally undeserved gift.  And that would be your dad, Craig.  He was given the gift of two lovely children (something many people would give anything to have) and he wasn't able to appreciate it in any way.  I don't know why...he must have been so profoundly damaged himself that he just utterly lacked the ability to love others (what were his parents like, I wonder...did you grow up with your grandparents on that side of the family?).  I'm sorry he was such a profoundly negative force in your life.  But you're like the phoenix...you've made it through the flames,  and can move on now with your life without your dad and all his darkness casting a pall over everything.  I think spending your money on a vacation, rather than a tombstone, is an excellent idea.  Hugs~Ann Alexandria

    Thank You!

    House should be on the market tomorrow.

    Let's cross our fingers for a quick sale...after that...paperwork...still papers here but could break and work on things here foe a change.

    I've read this post a few times...boy it hurts and i left a bunch out:)

    Thx again...wanted to talk estate sales...tomorrow...I learned some things that might help someone.

     

     

  • jen2012
    jen2012 Member Posts: 1,607 Member
    Yay Craig! So glad you are
    Yay Craig! So glad you are done with the house! I feel relief for you...i can just imagine the great sense of relief you feel! I hope you celebrate and relax this weekend.

    You ARE a survivor!