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Very stressed

VivianLee5689's picture
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

I have found myself very stressed today.  I have had many days where I actually believe David will miraculously come through.  Today hasn't been one of those days.  We finally heard back from Wells Fargo. They want to see if he can find work in six months so they are doing some sort payment plan.  If he doesn't find a job in six months they will consider the loan modification.   They know about the BOT cancer but not the pPCL diagnosis.  If he doesn't live for six months I lose him and the house.  I am really stressed out.  Trying figure out how I will pay a 1675 dollar per month cobra payment with no income scares me.  I am actually thinking of pulling out my retirement to survive.  It hasn't helped that we have lost a couple of our oan members this week.  I feel so sad for their wives and wonder when I will join the club.  Ok it's been a pity party day with lots of tears on my part. 

Laralyn's picture
Posts: 529
Joined: Apr 2012

Don't add any guilt or worry about what you're feeling to what you are already dealing with. Anyone would be stressed beyond belief with what you're going through. You've been amazing so far and you still are. Never forget that!

Have you looked into financial assistance options? If I can help research, let me know. I'd be glad to post links here or phone numbers of agencies.

We're all here to help, even if it's just listening and understanding, and reassuring you that you're not alone. :-)

donfoo's picture
Posts: 1649
Joined: Dec 2012


Depending on the state and county wher you are resident, there are options to assist you through this difficult time. Some programs do not count your house as an asset so you may want to ensure you pay that and stay current. Since the COBRA is for health insurance, that may be the expense to consider dropping as long as you have the safety net in place to pick up the health coverage. You mention a retirement asset. Depending on the type of plan this may be considered a liquid asset and would need to be drawn down first. You would use that money to pay other expenses such as the mortgage and COBRA. Once liquid assets are spent down, you may then qualify for health coverage through one of the programs in your area. There is such a wide range of what is covered by where you live and your financial situation you need to start calling around and see if you can develop a real plan to ensure you safeguard the most important things - your home and David's access to health care.  

Comparing the health battle you are facing and getting the financial stuff locked down, the financial stuff should be able to be defined and executed with a clear strategy. Don

Tim6003's picture
Posts: 1511
Joined: Nov 2011

I know you have way too much on your plate.  And my next statements are submitted to you with what I believe is accurate information, but due diligence is required on your part, but certainly worth a look.

1.  SSI (not to be confused with Social Security). David should qualify for this immediately, but then have to wait the 6 months for the first check. However, the beauty of this program is no matter when you fill out the paperwork, I believe the 6 month waiting period starts from when he stopped working and earning income.  So if David stopped working and earning income 4 months ago (as an example) then he would start getting a check in 2 months if approved. H&N cancer is one of the diseases listed on SSI as a quick qualifier.  Just be sure you have all of your doctors info and give them what they ask for .  Going to your local SS office or speaking to a rep on the phone (and staying with that same rep) until paperwork is completed is the best way to go.

2. PCIP.gov for your state (I don't think you will qualify for this at this time, but you may eventually and should be aware of this.

3.  As crazy as this sounds, many times your current hospital will pay half or even all of your COBRA premium.  The reason for this is they get paid what they would not if your coverage lapses and they continue care.  This works best for non-profit hospitals.  So for example, if your permium is $1600 per month and they pay $800.00 per month, but will be paid $50k - $200k over the next  year for Davids treatment, you can see why this is in their best interest.  When I first started my treatments I had no idea how long I would be out of work, I spoke to the financial office at the local care center I was going to (as well as SSI, SS) and anybody esle I could think of simply to dover al lthe bases.  Turns out I never had to utilize any of that "except" the Hospital did right a chekc for 6 months of my health insurance and send it in...which at the time was $2100.00 ...so you never know unless you ask.  I'm currently on a payment plan with the Hospital for my share of the dedcutible which was about $4800 and I also now am paying my health insurance permiums again for $350.00 per month.

Check with your local American Cancer Society as well...they may be able ot direct you to some prorams.

I pray I am not intruding into you business too deep...just hoping to be helpful to you and David....



Posts: 1914
Joined: May 2012


Like mentioned above all you have to do is ask....there are alot of us that will help you find resources.  One suggestion I have for you to start with is to talk with a social worker at the clinic David is being treated at.  They would know all the in's and outs in your specific area.  My heart goes out to you girl....hang in there.  Sending David and yourself all the best !   Katie

ToBeGolden's picture
Posts: 695
Joined: Aug 2010

I don't want to detract from your thread. However, I need to explain my abscense. I'm in great deal of back pain. So much that I get only a couple of hours of sleep on most nights. Therefore, I could not find the energy to respond to my friends here on the board.

I can hardly think; so I can't offer any suggestions. But you and David and everyone else on this board are still in my prayers. Rick.

Posts: 1849
Joined: Aug 2010

Start the SSI application process, by all means.  COBRA - have not been through that. 

I am sorry about your house: you have enough stress right now, I know.

Just take it a day at a time, Vivian.

Posts: 1849
Joined: Aug 2010

Prayers lifted for you and David, Vivian.

cureitall66's picture
Posts: 912
Joined: Aug 2012

Sorry for all this stress you are dealing with alone. I don't have any experience or advice to give you other than to search for your options as exhausting as it may seem. What Don and Tim gave you are great starters.

I pray that somewhere along this road that you get some relief....take it a day at a time girl.

Prayers to you and David.



NJShore's picture
Posts: 423
Joined: Nov 2012


don't you just love the timing of things?  At anytime I think I've had enough, the other shoe drops. Amazing. 

yesterday we both had pity parties, I was right there beside you!  Today the sun rose again, my eyes open, I am dealing with it. A bit happier too, so I hope you are too!

my suggestion is, do you have a friend or family member who is known for their business sense? Someone you trust and hold in high regard? If so, maybe you can ask that they sit with you and offer their advice too. It's still your choices, decisions and options, but it doesn't hurt to have someone close who can help with the investigations, follow-ups etc. most wont offer that kind of help, but I bet many would readily be happy to help with something they do well. Just make sure anyone who is offering there advice has nothing to gain from your decisions, you don't need more stress later!

i'll keep praying for you both, and hope you do see your own bed tonight... I haven't seen mine in over 5 weeks.. I dream about it now!


hugs, Kari 

phrannie51's picture
Posts: 4674
Joined: Mar 2012

There are social workers in the hospital (and possibly one at the American Cancer Society in your town....she/he may actually be right at the hospital, mine was)....they are great at assiting in finding funds to help get you thru this.....especially the medical costs).

Kari is right about when the shoes drop....they never seem to drop on an empty spot....just add to the pile of things you already are trying to deal with. 


Posts: 660
Joined: Mar 2012

if he has a life insurance policy some will allow you to use it if the person is considered terminal, not to be suggesting anything but I know my life insurance allows that, so my assumption it would allow funds to come in and I did not see anything about having to pay it back if the person gets better and lives many years to come, which I pray will be his case.  Just something to look into.   Be cautious on your retirement monies, they can be subject to a 10% early withdrawel penalty on top of the taxes you would owe, however there are exceptions on the penalty for health / medical issues, worth checking on, the positive side is if your income is reduced so would your tax bill so it would make it less painful to withdrawl you IRA.  Hope these thoughts are understood for my intent, just to offer thoughts.   We are all praying for you both,  you are very special people.

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