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luv4lacrosse's picture
Posts: 1410
Joined: Jul 2010

Hello all, and hope everyone is trying to get excited about Christmas and forget about C for a moment.

Been a while since I posted any updates, as I continue to struggle with "cureable VS treatable." I did keep my appt. with the Onco. Psychiatrist who made allot of sense, and also placed me on an anti-depressant, that really only works if one chooses to belive the glass is always half full and not half empty. Way easier said than done.

So I have my second 6 week CT scan tomorrow at 11:40 and as always, can use any good mojo you guys can toss my way. Not knowing if it is "heads you win or tails you lose" by one scan is almost too much to bear, but I continue to hold faith in all of the success stories I keep hearing here about the Erbitux and 5FU drugs combined with my first scan 6 weeks ago at least showed no growth to any of my tumors, plus they did change in their appearance giving a thought the drugs are starting to destroy them. I also hold strong to the harder the side effects, the better the drugs are working, as I have had the worst of the worst, and get unglier by the week.

Ive ranted long enough.

Wish me luck, and I hope to have the news of the coin toss tomorrow night.



Posts: 660
Joined: Mar 2012

its on its way. I believe based on your last CT scann even better news will await you after this scan and that is our prayer for you. Let us Know. I get my Pet scan next week and feeling a little axious myself. We will make it.

Billie67's picture
Posts: 843
Joined: Jul 2012

Mojo, fingers crossed, hoping & wishing! I am feeling very positive that you will get results in your favor. My dr said erbitux is an amazing maintenance drug because it just melts away the tumors. You will be in my thoughts, please update us when you get results.

phrannie51's picture
Posts: 4672
Joined: Mar 2012

sending good Mojo...and for extra measure going to cross all my digits for your scan tomorrow!! We're looking for good changes and shrinkage God!! I've had some anxious times in my life, but gotta say that scanxiety was a real heart thumping experience.

I took anti-depressant/anti-anxiety drugs during treatment, and I have to agree with you on their effectiveness...I don't recall feeling any different...how I felt was directly related to how my mind would let me feel for that day. This may sound silly, but I added a daily mantra to my meds...for me it was "I am healthy, I am strong"...over and over while I sitting around basking in my side effects. Eventually the sub-concious picks up the message...it helped me.


Tim6003's picture
Posts: 1508
Joined: Nov 2011

Prayers headed your way ....it's just gonna be a great scan Mike!!!! :)


luv4lacrosse's picture
Posts: 1410
Joined: Jul 2010

Phrannie, thanks for the good advice. I too have not found much help with the meds unless I go into my day with a positive attitude. I guess my first good though right now is I amin my romm getting chemo with 6 others and I look to be in the best shape, just by looking at others. I should feel good about that, but also feel for them, and it sucks spending 5 hours in a room looking at other sick people.

I am able to work out at home, and I have managed to get through the first 12 weeks without having blood counts that are too low to receive treatment, have never had to have the blood transfusions the Doc's felt I was definitely going to have, I have not lost any weight and no hair loss, and I am managing to be able to work pretty much full time.

You are one of the most upbeat people I get the pleasure from reading your posts and comments. You look genuinely happy in your photo. and my photo is just a pipedream from the past. Can barely bench 110 lbs now, and cannot lift much of anything with my legs. That was what really defined me most of my life, and now I look like a little old man.



phrannie51's picture
Posts: 4672
Joined: Mar 2012

from the past, too...LOL. I don't have that mane of hair any longer, and I weigh in about 22 lbs less. I used to heft hay bales, and could carry a 50 lb bag of grain from the Jeep to the barn...now days I can barely get 30 lbs of dog food into the house. I'm getting used to the new me, tho...and hubby does the grain these days.

I used mantra's when I quit drinking...every AA group seems to have a guru, and the one in my group was a huge believer of mantra's...I thought why not? It's easy, and you don't have to believe for them to work...all you have to do is the footwork. I wasn't born a positive thinker, that's for sure...LOL.

Another thing I've used along the way is yoga...it calms the mind, strengthens the body...and offers a general sense of well-being. I've done the Richard Hitleman's beginners yoga 1000 times...I'm not looking to tie myself into a knot, just looking for the "feel good" it brings to head and body.

We'll get you past this scan, and you can breath easier once again...I'm so sure that they are going to see more GOOD changes in the tumors...

On the glas half full/half empty question....I've always wondered why we have to always deal with a half glass of water at all...are there no FULL ones out there???? :)


cureitall66's picture
Posts: 911
Joined: Aug 2012

All coming your way. I pray you are granted some peace to get you to your scan and to the results. Keep the positive energy.

God is with you Mike. Reach for HIM..HE is there.


osmotar's picture
Posts: 1005
Joined: Jul 2011

Positive thoughts coming your way...

luv4lacrosse's picture
Posts: 1410
Joined: Jul 2010

Thank you all for the good thoughts, it really helps as I am reading this and receiving chemo as I type. I hope I have a preliminary read to share with you all tomorrow.

Hopefully I get to join the "erbitiux tumor meltaway club" tomorrow.

You guys are the best!!!


Posts: 344
Joined: Sep 2012

Thinking good thoughts for you tomorrow. I am a relative newbie to the site but I know how anxious you must be. You have been throught alot and I know it's not easy but keep fighting.


Skiffin16's picture
Posts: 8286
Joined: Sep 2009

Coming your way brother...


Posts: 298
Joined: Apr 2011

Here comes MORE! Lots of us sending lots of everything to you!


ToBeGolden's picture
Posts: 695
Joined: Aug 2010

You have one thing wrong about antidepressants: They make the stock holders of pharmaceutical companies happy. Rick.

hwt's picture
Posts: 2330
Joined: Jun 2012

Good feelings and plenty of prayers coming your way.

CivilMatt's picture
Posts: 4298
Joined: May 2012


Here’s hoping your scan fills your glass more than half full and that the treatments are moving in the right direction.

How’s the Erbitux treating you? I still have “Erbitux freckles” at 9 months out.



luv4lacrosse's picture
Posts: 1410
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Matt, unfortunately I have had probably as bad side effects as one could get from not only the Erbitux, but the mouth and sinus sores and severe throat swelling from the 5FU and god only knows what the Carboplatin is doing to me. I actually had to go and see a dermatologist about the full body acne / sores i had. Completely covered head to toe. The derm. cultured one of them and it came back positive for Staph, so I am on a ten day regiment of antibiotics and Dexamethazone for the throat swelling.

The meds have definitely worked, combined with the great result I just got from Tuesday's CT scan, I will tough it out for the remaining 6 - 8 weeks.



Pam M's picture
Pam M
Posts: 2196
Joined: Nov 2009

Hoping for good news coming your way. Also hoping that you don't have to wait long for results. In my head, the last set of scans showed the cancerous cells losing structure - the next should show them losing ground and size.

NJShore's picture
Posts: 423
Joined: Nov 2012


I've crossed all my fingers and toes, and said a prayer... Hope your news is soon and just what you want to hear.


rush1958's picture
Posts: 214
Joined: Jul 2010

Best wishes Mike - and major mojo headed your way. Keep the faith.


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