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Our caregivers

yensid683's picture
Posts: 318
Joined: Apr 2012

Our caregivers have it hard, at times I think much harder than we do. Sure, we deal with our disease and all of the ‘wonderful’ impacts from treatments, but I honestly think that they have it worse.

They take such good care of us, and they have the additional burden of worrying about our and their futures. My wife was spectacular in my care, there wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do for me, but I could see the stress on her face, I could see the worry, the anxiety and the frustration.

Our caregivers want us to get well and will do anything they can to make that so, but they also know that they’re limited and they suffer in silence, as they don’t want to burden us with their worries. They feel that we have enough on our plates; they don’t want to add to it.

I say that we as patients should encourage them to share their worries, we have them to lean on, but who do they have? How about giving them us? How about letting them know that despite our illnesses that we’re still here for them. We love them, we care and we don’t want them burning themselves out with worry over us. If any of you are/were like me, you feel guilty for bringing such trial into their lives. I know that I didn’t get cancer on purpose, but it didn’t make me feel any less guilty for all the trouble she suffered because of my illness.

I was finished with rads for about two weeks before I finally got her to talk to me about her worries, and since she opened up, she’s been able to handle things easier.

I shared with everyone my NED a few weeks ago and she was so happy about it, but her joy really popped this past Friday when the final piece of my puzzle was resolved.
I had a complication from the infusion port in August, a deep vein thrombosis of the right jugular that had me on blood thinners. Friday was the three month follow up ultrasound, and the very good news is that the clot was GONE and I could stop taking the meds. Her reaction was beyond what I’d expected. I knew she’d be happy but I was not prepared for the delight in her voice, her mood and how much of a weight seemed to slip from her shoulders.

For once I got to hold her while she cried, but this time it was happy tears.

Hug your caregiver today, tell them that they’re important to you, and tell them that you’re here for them, just as they are for you. MAKE THEM tell you what is on their mind. You’d be amazed at how much better they – and you - will feel.

fisrpotpe's picture
Posts: 1349
Joined: Aug 2010

thanks for sharing your story with your special caregivers.

i too have thought that caregivers have it much harder than the fighters.

i would like to see H&N have a special day each year for their caregivers.


Posts: 1914
Joined: May 2012

It is so easy to forget our loved ones feelings when walking this crazy trip we've found ourselves on. You all are so needed and appreciated each and every day ! Please forgive us when we need that nudge back to reality...we couldn't possibly do this without all the wonderful people who support us through our trials. God bless each and everyone of you ! Katie

ToBeGolden's picture
Posts: 695
Joined: Aug 2010

You said it so well, I have nothing to add. Rick.

phrannie51's picture
Posts: 4667
Joined: Mar 2012

and great advice. I was so grateful to my husband for his unfailing care, I did tell him many times in a week how much I appreciated it...honestly, I don't know what I'd have done without him there. As for making him tell me what was on his mind...that is something that after many years together I know I simply have to wait for...and he did talk to me, but just a couple weeks ago...I figure it's a man thing.

From my perspective tho...I truly think it's harder to be the caretaker than the patient...They are a brave bunch in their own right.


Posts: 13
Joined: Jan 2011

As a caregiver your sentiments are appreciated! I know that I personally went into total survival mode! it was simply what needed to be done and I would do it! remember calling friends and family to let them know and I people were shocked and would cry and I would just started explaining the treatment and all the medical issues! Then I would think i must seem so cold, but we cried in the beginning but I just did not have time or the energy to be emotional. It wasn't until a few months after treatment and things had started to return to normal that I realized how mentally exhausted I was! definitely hug your caregiver!

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