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Joined: Oct 2012

Hi everyone. Well, I start my first Chemo next Wednesday. Today I went shopping for hand sanitizers, new tooth brush, face masks, special floss that won't make me bleed, etc. This past Wednesday I found a wig I liked. I also purchased some hats and scarves. I am ready. I have known that I have cancer since October 2nd, right after my hysterectomy and debulking surgery. I have known for 2 weeks that it is stage 3c. I still suffer from crying sessions and anxiety that makes my stomach feel like I have butterflys in there. Am I not handling this well or is my reaction common?

mom2greatkids's picture
Posts: 528
Joined: Jun 2011

I think it's very common. I was like that last year. It does seem to get just a little easier maybe, but you haven't really had time yet to sort through things in your mind. Chemo isn't easy, but it is doable. You sound prepared. If you're not on something for anxiety or depression, you may want to ask your doctor. I have been taking an anti-depressant since April of last year. It has helped me greatly.

Since you'll be at chemo all day long make sure you take something to read. (I bought a kindle for that very purpose). I always take my cell phone charger. My new clinic has wi-fi. I am very thankful for that. I'm sure you will meet some very friendly people, with whom you will form a friendship. Even when it's a different type of cancer, we all have that bond of fighting this disease. Also, the chemo nurses are special people. Very sweet and helpful.

Just remember, one day at a time. I still struggle with that, but it is important. Will someone be going with you for your first treatment? Oh, and remember to take something to eat.

I'm sending you a virtual hug.


kikz's picture
Posts: 1346
Joined: Jun 2010

is that this is your journey. We all deal with it in our own way. I learned a few years ago when I went through some personal drama that no one can tell me how to react. I cried, didn't eat, couldn't sleep and talked incessantly about what I was going through. It took me months to get back to "normal." I know my family and friends were worried that would never happen.

So when you ask if your reactions are common, I would say yes they are. But it wouldn't matter if they weren't because your feelings are your own. You will get through this. I believe in the strength of women. We have the bad rep of being the weaker sex but that is just not true.

We are here for you. Feel your feelings and you will come to terms with them. This is a big deal you are facing and of course you are fearful. Take it a step at a time. Don't look ahead. That is the way I live my life now. In the moment.

My best to you.


Glad to be done's picture
Glad to be done
Posts: 569
Joined: Jul 2012

I remember laying in my husbands arms the night before crying out of control. I do believe I fell asleep there. I cried almost all the way there. Then I met my chemo nurse. What a doll she was... I shed a few tears and she very sweet... I think it was my third treatment that I totally broke down before we started and you know she sat there on the bed hugging me and crying with me. To this day we are friends and go out to dinner. It even turns out she worked with one of the nurses I work with now.

Remember you are the captain and the your doc and chemo nurse are your team. They are waiting for you to tell them what is wrong. Any problem you have, they have a solution.
You also have us. We got your back all the way.

Good luck

Posts: 190
Joined: Oct 2012

Thank you for all the great words. I wish I could go one day without thinking about cancer! I am crying as I type this. Will I ever have a somewhat normal life? I feel like my whole existence is cancer, medicine, needles, tears.

lovesanimals's picture
Posts: 1364
Joined: Sep 2011

Everything you're experiencing is understandable and common and normal. There is no "wrong" way to feel during this journey. I myself have been on an antidepressant since before my diagnosis, for anxiety, panic attacks and mild depression, and the medication has helped me greatly with dealing with the cancer. This may sound weird (and certainly not common!) but I was actually very curious and looking forward to the chemo process.

I can't speak for the other ladies on this board, many of whom have suffered much more than me, but I've been NED (no evidence of disease) for two years now and I do feel that I have a somewhat normal life. I hope and pray for the same for you!


Posts: 190
Joined: Oct 2012

Thanks for responding kelly. I am not only worried about the whole process I am also worried that it will come back. I was diagnosed with 3c. The doctor told me it was on one lymphnode out of all of them, but is one is enough to send though my sysytem. I am worried about it coming back because of that lymthnode. I am also worried the doctor will not be able to get me in remission. The Oncologist's Office did give me Ativan for anxiety and sleep. I have not taken any yet. Maybe I should.

Glad to be done's picture
Glad to be done
Posts: 569
Joined: Jul 2012

Hi PT.... Honestly for the next 5 months while you do chemo it will be medicine, needles and tears... Chemo sucks but it is very doable. All of us here are living proof of it. You will go for alot of blood work during your journey. I had to go for blood work during the cycle and then again a few days before I started the next round. You will be taking alot of meds. Something to keep you from being nauseous, something to keep you from getting constipated, and a bunch of other stuff. I was on ativan throughout my process. I take it at night to help me sleep and when I would get anxious I would take one before I left for chemo. I got smart at cycles 5 and 6. I took an ativan and then they gave me benedryl and I slept pretty much the whole treatment...

This sounds like alot but a couple rounds in you fall into a routine and it becomes the norm for you. I remember leaving the last day and being in the elevator down to the car and I looked at my husband and said "Now What".

If you have not yet, I would talk to your doc about something to relax you and take the edge off... It really does help.

Remember you are not alone. We all got your back on this journey... I will keep you in my prayers..

Radioactive34's picture
Posts: 388
Joined: May 2011

Crying....oh, I still do it on and off. It seems to be par for the course. Cancer is scary. I remember going to the doctor asking for something because the anxiety was pretty bad. He put me on some anti-anxiety meds. I did much better after that. A shrink helped tweak them. Without the medication I would have been much more of a mess. When my scans come up, I get scanxiety like no tomorrow. I hear it will eventually get better.

Posts: 8
Joined: May 2012

Hiya, you are handling it totally normally. :) I hope your chemo is going very well-- I'm thinking of you and wishing you comfort, strength, rest, and total healing. :) My diagnosis was the same as yours, stage 3C, but (thank you, Lord!) I've been in remission about 2.5 years now. That said, I still have anxiety sometimes and just want you to know your feelings are recognizable and understandable by all of us. One day at a time! Wishing you the very, very best. :)

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