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My mom has been diagnosed

Posts: 3
Joined: Nov 2012

My mom was just diagnosed. She is 72 and lives in Pittsburgh,I am in Baltimore. I am trying to do my best, along with my sister, to help her but we feel very helpless at times. She does not want to join a support group, does not want counseling (all things I would do) and I'm struggling with how to back-off and not try to force her to do things I think she should be doing. I'm liking reading the posts here and just looking for support. She is very constipated and I just overnighted her some Smooth Tea, anyone have thoughts on that? Thanks.

kellyh33's picture
Posts: 288
Joined: Jul 2010

When my Mom was diagnosed all she wanted to know was that she can cancer. She did not want to know if it had metasized, the grade or anything else. Your Mom may feel the same way. Being told you have cancer is for most people the scariest thing they will ever have to face. She will come to terms with her diagnosis when she is ready, forcing the issue will not benefit her emotionally.
My Mom never did want to join a support group because she did not want to hear what may or may not happen to her.I think this is okay. You however can join one if you would like to discuss how her illness is impacting you and your life.
Remember everyone handles things differently and you must respect her feelings and the way she wants to handle her illness and her treatment.
Your Mom's doctor should be able to give her something for constipation. We learned very quickly that three days before Mom's chemo treatments to begin taking senokot twice daily for a week. Personally I wouldn't give her anything without checking with her oncologist. Cancer patients have very delicate digestive systems and she could end up with diaherria.
Good luck to both you,

kikz's picture
Posts: 1346
Joined: Jun 2010

that you should check with your mom's doctor. Unfortunately constipation is a big part of this disease. Even now I take a stool softener each day and 6 teaspoons of fiber to try to keep my system in order. I eat a lot of fruit and vegetables but that does not always do the trick.

I have never gone to a formal support group. I fear that people would be crying or angry and I didn't want to put myself through that. This site had given me so much support that I don't know what I would do without it. I also attended the Live Strong, Live Well program through the Y and still go on weekly hikes with past and present members. I have a therapist that I went to a few years ago when I had personal drama. I went to her for a few weeks after my treatment ended. I had heard that people sometimes get depressed at the end of treatment because there may be a let-down feeling. I never really had that but thought it wouldn't hurt to be sure. If I ever need to I will probably go back to this therapist because she helped me so much before.

This is a very frightening time for your mom. But like Kelly said your mom will have to come to terms with this in her own way. You have a tough job because you want to help her and are not sure exactly how to proceed. Just being there for her when she needs you is sometimes the biggest help you could offer.

My prayers go out to you and your mom. I wish her the very best.


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