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Afraid of never loving or dating again.

posey913's picture
Posts: 3
Joined: Nov 2011

New Identity, I live in an area where there are not really support groups or everywhere I go I know some one, and this is something I want to start in some area's fresh. I stay hidden away, I want to learn to start living, instead of dying. Being emotionally alone sucks. How will I find a new life to look forward to without up and moving , which isn't a possibility right now? I try and enjoy the little things, I do, but I want to eventually enjoy the company of someone I care about. I don't know how to make that happen anymore.

mr steve
Posts: 286
Joined: Sep 2009

Live day by day, don't try and look for something just let it be found. sometimes when your looking for a rose you will miss a orchid when it is right in front of you.

posey913's picture
Posts: 3
Joined: Nov 2011

It's been a year. I have not been looking. I know it doesn't happen when you look, so I certainly take it slow and hope for the best.

Posts: 1846
Joined: Aug 2010

It's good to wake up and realize this life can be beautiful and to want to share it with others. Good for you!

How did you meet people before? A trip to a coffee shop or book store? Maybe think about taking a class that interests you - something useful but fun (I'm such a geek I would probably take English Lit again).

You are uniquely you, posey. Stay that way and that just-right-someone will come into your life.

Let us hear about your adventures!

grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

It is easy for me to say just be yourself, but I know you feel you have tried that. Really, though that is all you can be. You are right that you need to get out and do things that might be outside of your comfort zone. I lost my husband three years ago this month and went on my first solo trip in 45 years this summer. It was a little scary, but I forced myself to do it. I wasn't looking for romance. I just needed to show myself that I could do it. You can do it, too. Not travel necessarily, but doing things you maybe haven't done before. Letting other know that you are open to whatever comes your way. Ask your friends to include you in activities again. I also live in small town area and know many people here, but that's ok. Who knows? Someone you have known forever may be waiting for you. Don't stress on wanting a new relationship; just concentrate on enjoying your life as is now. Trust yourself. You are special! Fay

Kirsti70's picture
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2013

I know the fear, I was with my husband for 25 years all I had know; divorce was final and diagnosed the same week and now fumished with chemo and wondering whats next for me. Double mastectomy with reconstruction (which is almost complete) but my breasts arent the same, not even close. Some days I just cry and cant stop, met a man during my,chemo ( he also had cancer) was nice to be with someone who understood what I was going through but the day afyer my counts came back good and I was told no more chemo he didnt want to see me anymore; said it wasnt fair to either of us. So here I am, slowly growing hair and getting energy back and worried no one will want to have to deal with the possible return of my cancer much,yet the scars...then THE GUILT of knowing I should just be grateful to be alive and that I had good healh insurance and my kids are healthy and on an on ... But need that adult time to...the touch of another person and companionship, not sure it will ever happen and makes me sad.

FlaLady's picture
Posts: 5
Joined: Mar 2013

I think the lonleness is the hardest thing about this disease.  My friends and family are wonderful, but the nights are hard.  At my age, it's really difficult but I know in my heart tomorrow will be better and I have a beautiful grandchild who needs her grandma.

Hang in there, you are so young.  You will meet a wonderful man to share your life with and you will be happy.

Posts: 8
Joined: Aug 2012

I just turn 40th, i been separated since Jun 22nd, i got diagnosed with colon cancer in May, went through chemo till december. I feel better now, my friend introduce me to this guy, he is really nice... He knew about me, my cancer, my problems with my husband, over a year before we even saw each other, I went out with him twice, we talk most of the time. I am working on getting divorce now.

But my body change a lot, i have scars that i didnt before, I feel sometimes that maybe he just talks to me because he feel sorry for everything that happen to me. I know maybe i need help, to deal with all of this because nobody around me, knows what i feel, i pretend that everything is alright but i dont know if i can take another person to break my heart...

shinning_like_me's picture
Posts: 23
Joined: May 2013

that may not be true that the guy talks to you for he feels sorry for your situation , if he wanted to do something good he would donate some money to beggars and not donate time and feelings to you. Dont doubt him for he is the only one with you knowing that you were a cancer patient he may be genuinelyliking u. just bee your self and first of all forget that you ever had cancer live life, let others remind you  that you were ill sometime back. Be happy and enjoy.

Posts: 35
Joined: Feb 2013

I understand the pretending that everything is alright and wanting to protect yourself.  That is how I am feeling.  Is he talking to me because he feels sorry for me, could someone love me now, etc.  I sooo get.  I take it day by day and remind myself that life is adventure and I am going to get bumps, bruises, and some scars along the way; but isnt that what  makes us unique and beautiful?  Stay positive!

redbeard0206's picture
Posts: 10
Joined: Mar 2011

Was in a close relationship at diagnosis and she stayed during all my surgeries.  Now it's all different.

I get invited to  her grandchildrens b-days and other holidays & thats pretty much it. It seems like I need to venture

out but it seems so difficult to even bring up the isssue of my cancer. It helps to read about others struggles.

Thanks Y'all 

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