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The waiting..knowing alot but not definitive

Posts: 2
Joined: Oct 2012

I have been crying the past two days not much sleep..my husband 54, of 22 years has health issues this past year with undiagnosed vertigo and funky blood profiles..long story short referred to hemetologist and initial testing indicate M protein, though low in his blood and also protein in his urine..The doc now has ordered bone scan, bone marrow and fatty biopsy..A little knowledge is very harmful especially with my hypochondriacal mind..From the information we have it is pretty certain of multiple myeloma MM or MGUS which is undiagnosed M proteins..His mother died of MM in 1999. I wish I knew the definitive as this waiting may realistically cause me health problems..I know I have no control and what is there is there and we have to deal with it..I am so scared..We both work full time, have one in college and I have multiple health issues as well. I just don't know how I will handle things..I have never done the bills, don't know squat about cars, and am really been dependent on him for so much, especially after my car accident and spinal injury...I am so paralyzed with fear and i just can't stop crying..thank god i see my therapist tomorrow..i love my husband so much and fear losing him and not having his girls around to walk them down the aisle and all the important events..I know I am catastrophizing. I just needed to vent..he does not want me telling people..i am going to explode..why do tests take so long.. sorry for my rambling...

grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

The waiting is the very hard. Everyone here will understand that. We have all waited for test results. Somehow, once we have the info even if it's bad, we feel more in control. Sadly, we aren't ever really in control. We just like to think we are. I know that losing your husband is your greatest fear. I've been there, and my greatest fear came true when I lost my husband to colon cancer three years ago. I can also tell you that we do find ways to move on. We find the mechanic we can trust. The friends we can call on. It isn't easy. Probably the hardest thing I have ever been through. Right now though, try not to get ahead of yourself. Not easy, I know. Take one day, one hour, or even one minute at a time. Talk with your counselor and your dr. They may decide that you need medication to deal with this. Many of us do. Hold tight to your husband and tell him how much you love him. Try to live in the now and deal with the future, whatever that may be, when you get there. Take care. Feel free to send me a private message if you like, and come here when you need to share you thoughts and worries. Fay

Posts: 1849
Joined: Aug 2010

fan, I know it is hard to wait for answers: that is the hardest part.

But, I will say it again - it isn't cancer until they say it is.

My husband had hypopharyngeal cancer two years ago with successful treatment - a month ago they were looking at what they thought was bone cancer. Turns out it was multiple broken ribs but after two weeks of angst, they decided it was nothing more than broken ribs caused by his advanced osteoporosis.

I know how hard this is. Been there, done that.

You are in my prayers.

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