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Funny Breast Cancer Moments - Please Add Your Moment.

Carolyn33's picture
Posts: 13
Joined: Oct 2012

I love stories that make me laugh. This is the funniest moment I have had so far in this journey. I posted this on my blog which has become a journal of a whole bunch of things and thoughts on this journey: www.ERtopics.com

For a number of reasons, I opted to only have the breast with the mass in it removed. I didn’t want a lumpectomy; nor did I want to go extreme and take them both off. Every woman’s decision is right for them. Although I remain quite confident in my decision, I never considered what I would do to create the illusion that I still have a pair. Enter the world of prosthetic breasts.

My spouse and I were at a downtown pharmacy and noticed a sign advertising prosthetic breasts. At that moment I had a rolled up sock in my bra where my left breast once was. I inquired about the ad and a woman, speaking in a hushed tone for unclear reasons, took us to the back of the pharmacy into a make shift room filled with shoe boxes. Only, the boxes didn’t have shoes in them – they each contained a fake boob. There were so many to choose from. Everything from cotton stuffed dropped shaped small pillows – like a really uninspired Beanie Baby – to high end silicone models that stick to the chest wall. Not knowing what to choose, I stuck with the plain Beanie Baby version. The store clerk felt up my good boob and then handed me her suggestion. I slipped it into the empty left cup of my bra, and we were on our way.

The next night, I stayed at my mom’s house. My mom has a wonderfully playful Manchester Terrier named Csaba who fancies himself a thief. Later after family dinner, I was walking to the kitchen and noticed tufts of fluff all over the carpet in front of the room I was staying in. Standing over the pile of fluff was a very proud Csaba with his tail wagging wildly, holding the shell of my breast. My mom and I tried to put my Beanie Boob back together, but it was never the same. We ended up going back to the pharmacy with the secret breast room and asked for a new one. The look on the clerk’s face when I answered her question of what happened to the other prosthetic was priceless! “My dog ate it”.

Every time I am getting dressed to go somewhere public, I put on my modified bra and adjust the left side until I can pass as having two real breasts. Still new to this process, I often ask whoever I am with: “are my ladies OK?” in a bid to make sure I don’t look crooked. As hours pass, there is a tendency for the fake boob to migrate over to the real one. This creates the interesting appearance of having one giant cyclops breast.

At some later point in time, I will get reconstructive surgery. Until then, I will have some fun with this situation. Maybe tomorrow I will go down to the local mall and walk into La Senza and tell the teenager working there that I would like to be fitted for a perfect bra. Instead of telling her the truth, I will tell her that I was born with one breast that is larger than the other. The teenager will likely say something she learned during her store’s training day: “Oh, don’t worry (chewing gum), that is common with women”. She will take out a measuring tape while I will struggle not to crack up as she frantically tries to understand what is going on. Ahhhh Cancer. Good times!

Posts: 653
Joined: Oct 2012

I had been going to an aerobics workouts before I was diagnosed with cancer, and I continued with it until I had to stop. Over that time I lost about 14#. I was excited about that, especially since I was suddenly having many appointments. I could tell the nurse/doctor that I had been losing weight.

Anyhow, a few weeks after my surgery (double mastectomy), I was being weighed before a bone density test, in preparation for info my oncologist was collecting as he prepared my plan. The numbers on the scale threw me, as indications were that I had lost another 8#!! I could not imagine how that would be because I had been fairly inactive the previous four weeks because of recovering from my surgery.

Suddenly, it crossed my mind that I had lost weight -- but I could not imagine that the whole 8# came from what the surgeons cut out. I remembered that I had a copy of the pathology report at home. I also knew that it contained the weight (in grams) of what was taken.

I got home, dug out the report, added the two figures, got online to find a grams-to-pounds converter, and typed in the numbers. Sure enough, eight pounds! Cracked me up! I thought it was funny enough, that I shared it a few times with different women. They thought it was funny, too.

Humor is a good thing to have.

Another humorous tidbit is that I have prosthetics, as I am not going to do reconstruction. When I was younger, prosthetics were called "falsies." I did not care for that term. Other ideas came to mind as to what to call them. I did finally settle on an thought that came to me several weeks ago -- bosom buddies.

tufi000's picture
Posts: 740
Joined: Jun 2005

During the chemo wig era, we were having a blast at a local watering hole and had just finished a dance. He gave me this big passionate hug and kiss and my wig came off!!!!! So I quickly dropped to the floor as if I had dropped something and put it back on. I was laughing so hard, but hubby was feeling TERRIBLE! I had to console HIM! No one noticed as the low light and activity seemed to absorb the moment, but the very careful hug and kiss from his need to apologize was worth it.

dianehelen's picture
Posts: 131
Joined: Nov 2012

Umm you were able to go dancing during chemo, really?


Posts: 6564
Joined: Oct 2010

Tufi: cute story...


Posts: 110
Joined: Oct 2012

My boobs would (what do I mean "would"....they still do!) take on a life of their own and travel all over the front of my torso. Many times I wear a camisole instead of a bra and then they really go to town. I've had my husband on more than one occasion when we were going out of the house announce that my boobs needed some minor or major adjustment (Well, I'M not standing in front of me...so I don't know! HAHA!). Usually one is up and one is down, making an attractive diagonal scene. Once one tried to escape under my arm. Had to wrestle the little rascal back. Truly, we can find humor in everything!

starseed's picture
Posts: 62
Joined: May 2010

When I left the hosp after my lumpectomy I had this weird wire/tube coming out of my left breast(surgery was just below and to the left of nipple).It was taped near the surgical area with the other end disappearing into this round fanny pack thing I had to wear. They told me it was "pain medication" that was being dispensed automatically through this wire/tube and when the fanny pack lost it's round shape and looked like an apple core I could pull the little wire out and dispatch it and the pack.Ok cool.
3 days later (YEA!) sure enough--I was wearing an apple core so since I couldn't see exactly where the wire was me, my husband and my sister(who was visiting) trooped into the bathroom to untape and remove the little wire/tube.When someone is trying to help you, they operate very gingerly, because they think they're going to hurt you so I kept saying "Frank--you're not hurting me" I could see his hands shaking and he kept saying "okay-okay" So he starts pulling the tube and he said "can you feel that?" and I said "no not at all".
I'm waiting and waiting, I can see his hands moving, but like, to me-nothing's happening. We are in our little bathroom and I'm starting to get really hot and STILL he's working on something--I glance over at him and my sister and they are both literally SHEET WHITE. I'm thinking--what???? Finally Frank heaves this big, massive sigh and my sister says "Sweet Jesus".. The "little" tube was about 16 inches long!! The 3 of us burst out laughing and Frank says--"good thing it ended when it did, because I was a goner"!!My sister said "If Frank had fainted I'd have gone down with him." I couldn't believe it--and when you read the instructions they gave us, one would think it would be about 3 inches long not 16. It was like the energizer bunny--it just kept going and going...

KathiM's picture
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

I actually had so much to laugh at during my cancer experience(s)(stage 3 rectal followed 6 months later by stage 2 breast), it's hard to pick just one....

so, I wrote a book! "It's hard to say 'No' to a bald lady"....

OK, just one excerpt:

Of returning the favor:
On many trips to the center (for chemotherapy), my minister friend would drive. More often than not, some event would happen to force us down another road. Once it was a yard truck driving in front of us whose lawn mower was spewing gas at each stop. Another time it was a man on a motorized wheelchair that had fallen over. We would just look at each other, shrug, and help these people. Before long, my friend’s wife was threatening to not let him come out and play with me anymore, it was getting to be too much work!

ok...one more:

Of hair and no hare:
A session late into my breast cancer treatment comes to mind. By this point, to set the stage, I was decidedly without hair. I had a stuffed rabbit that had been given to me by a dear friend during my first battle that I carried everywhere. (Yes, returning a bit to childhood). I decided that the place needed some life, so I said to my nurse, in a clear voice, “My bunny has decided to take the chemotherapy for me today”. The effect on the room was immediate. Everyone laughed, except the nurse. She obviously thought the treatment so far had taken its toll on my brain. So I repeated. Still, no smile. One of my fellow warriors offered a piece of advice. “You know, that really wouldn’t be such a good idea”, she said. “Why not?”, I said. “Because then you would have a hairless hare”. I about fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard.

Hugs, Kathi

Posts: 6564
Joined: Oct 2010

good topic...put a smile on my face for sure..


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