Of kids, cancer.....and turnips

tommycat
tommycat Member Posts: 790
Steved's post made me think about how hard our cancer can be on our children/loved ones---I felt like sharing this story with you all.
My girls---identical twins---are now 7 and they were age 4 when I was dx with Stage 3 rectal cancer. It was a brutal road to get where I am today (currently NED) and I think all the uncertainty contributed to one of my daughters being a worrier. She is much more anxious and a "Mommy's girl" than her sister, and perhaps part of it can be attributed to our neighbor's little girl who brightly said that I was going to die.
I've told my anxious daughter that the only thing I wanted her to worry about was the price of turnips, and if the stock market price of turnips was going up or down. (Of course that led to a "what are turnips/stock markets?" conversation but that's besides the point.)
I didn't want her worrying about things completely out of our control so turnips became our code word for when I felt she had latched onto an unhealthy, unproductive idea.
The other day when I had had a Drs. appt. she was overly concerned about me, so I reminded her of what she was supposed to worry about and she sighed and said, "turnips."
A few seconds later she came to me and said, "Mommy how about we BOTH don't worry about anything?"
Great advice!!!
So much is out of our control...we make the best decisions we can....we do the best we can at the time...........and that's pretty much all we can do.
Just thought I'd share.
Yours in turnips,
Tommycat

Comments

  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576
    haha
    yours in rutabagas.....love your story

    mags
  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,434 Member
    Great story, I think I'll
    Great story, I think I'll invest in turnips. My kids were already worried about our divorce so I just told them I had a growth in my butt and not to worry. We haven't told them about the cancer part. They are 13 and 14 year old boys, both said ill TMI mom and went on with their days. I decided I'm only going to tell them if it comes back again after this next surgery (I don't even like to say that outloud. Knocking on wood, throwing salt over shoulder!)
  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276
    Tommycat
    Have you ever heard of "TULIPMANIA'? At one time when new tulip colors were being developed there was a market for tulip bulbs,
    The price for some new ones were way too much. But if I buy it today and sell it on Monday for even more, then the outrageous price does
    make sense. The term tulipmania is now applied to the stock market!! Who knows, maybe tomorrow we will have a turnip market. LOL
  • janie1
    janie1 Member Posts: 753
    danker said:

    Tommycat
    Have you ever heard of "TULIPMANIA'? At one time when new tulip colors were being developed there was a market for tulip bulbs,
    The price for some new ones were way too much. But if I buy it today and sell it on Monday for even more, then the outrageous price does
    make sense. The term tulipmania is now applied to the stock market!! Who knows, maybe tomorrow we will have a turnip market. LOL

    I've never liked turnips
    I've never liked turnips ......but I DO now. Good story :)
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866
    Tori
    Great story, clever idea.
    I love turnips but I seldom have them. I know that's not the point of your post but I don't "turn-up" my nose at them...
    -p
  • barbebarb
    barbebarb Member Posts: 464
    PhillieG said:

    Tori
    Great story, clever idea.
    I love turnips but I seldom have them. I know that's not the point of your post but I don't "turn-up" my nose at them...
    -p

    Love your post
    Thanks for sharing!

    My young adults are 20 and 22. I have been open with them about what's going on with me but I like the turnips story.

    You are right about there is so much out of our control..and hope for the best day by day
    We learn to embrace, even more, life's great moments and our better days during treatment.

    Barb
  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
    barbebarb said:

    Love your post
    Thanks for sharing!

    My young adults are 20 and 22. I have been open with them about what's going on with me but I like the turnips story.

    You are right about there is so much out of our control..and hope for the best day by day
    We learn to embrace, even more, life's great moments and our better days during treatment.

    Barb

    Kids
    My daughter is 28 and we were estranged when I was dx'd. One of the few positive things about my cancer is that it helped to bring us back together and seal the rift. I have two email lists that I send out: one is to all the friends and family that I have addresses for and I always give as upbeat an account of what's going on as I can. I will mention if treatment has been hard or I'm not feeling well, but never go into details. The other is only 7 people, and those are the ones that I confide in and tell when I'm feeling bad, depressed or whatever. My daughter is on both lists so she gets the full scoop.
  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571
    Love it!
    My kids, especially my teenage daughters, have struggled greatly at times with my dx...especially when I'm sick or facing surgery, grades go down, they get depressed, and don't care about much of anything. Maybe we need a code word too, although now that "turnips" is taken, I'll have to think of a new one. They love all things zombie, but under the circumstances that might not be appropriate! Thanks for sharing a good idea. Ann
  • lauragb
    lauragb Member Posts: 370
    I love this story Tori, I
    I love this story Tori, I picture you being such a great mom.
    I'm so glad you're where you are in the scheme of things. You
    have been through a lot and can now enjoy your girls.
    Turnips to you:)
    Laura
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331
    lauragb said:

    I love this story Tori, I
    I love this story Tori, I picture you being such a great mom.
    I'm so glad you're where you are in the scheme of things. You
    have been through a lot and can now enjoy your girls.
    Turnips to you:)
    Laura

    Nice story , can she please take care of my "Telefonica" stocks
    as well ? hahaha.
    Have fun my friend.
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900
    a lovelly heart warming post
    aspects of my kids lives are dominated by my cancer and its treatment
    i have a 6 year old boy and a 10 year old girl.
    both are great and supportive.
    this is a typical day, my kids and i are joined at the hip.

    at their sports, at my gym, at the organic market where they play with the animals and buy organic sausages and play on swings. at the garden shop, in our garden and on our adventure neighbourhood rides with other local street kids.

    http://petertrayhurn.blogspot.com.au/2012/06/ramsgate-organic-markets-soccer.html

    i think we do our best all the time.
    to love our kids is simply the best use of our time, mine certainly.

    your girls sound wonderful.

    hugs,
    pete

    ps got to go and give my son his evening back scratch, he gets this most nights.
  • steved
    steved Member Posts: 834
    Lovely story
    Thanks for the personal story. I think there is a special challenge in having this illness with young children (I would never say its harder than others challenges but it certainly adds a different dimension). Our own approach is to tell the kids the stuff we know but protect them wher possible from the uncertainty, which we all know is the one of the hardest aspects of this journey for ourselves.

    My children (5 and 8) know about my 'poorly leg' (caused by the tumour pressingon a nerve) and are quite protective of it- another child gave me a kick on the beach yesterday for tickling her and provoked my 5 year to run over and kick her back shouting 'don't kick my dad's poorly leg!' Rather liked her gutsy response but still had to explain kicking kids back ain't right (although sometimes it kind of is).

    They also have come to love my disabled parking badge I have which entitles me to park close to lots of stuff. REcently when they were out with my wife and had to park miles away from the shops they said they wished their mum was disabled so they could park closer!

    The world the kids inhabit is such a lovely one. We do need to protect them from the ugly realities we face and they don't need but balance that out with truth and honesty when it is needed- they are often aware of stuff we think we hide from them. It is a hard path to tread right. We all do our best.

    steve (who is still trying to figure out how to best broach the topic of limb amputation with a five year old!)
  • MrsJP
    MrsJP Member Posts: 157
    ")
    Thank you Tory for sharing..you made me smile!
    jp
  • son of hal
    son of hal Member Posts: 117
    That is a great story TC,
    That is a great story TC, thanks. That's just another aspect to cancer that people don't realize. The stress and/or worry that involves family members. My kids were 13 and 11 when I was diagnosed and my 13 year old daughter was already a worrier with mild OCD as a child and seperation anxiety. It was a tough decision to tell them or not but we had to because of all the doctors visits. I was not one to go to the doctor for anything so I knew they would know something was not right. I didn't want to lie to them so I would just say everything will work out. My daughter would not ask if I would be cured or if I would be OK she would insist that I say it. (ex. "your going to be fine, right?", "they caught it early enough, right?", "it's not that serious, right?") So, most of my conversations were, "yes honey," "I hope so, baby", "that's what they say". It was tough at first and my daughters grades in school clearly showed the impact and what a distraction it can be for kids. It's better now but we've skipped quite a few family things due to treatments or surgery or lack of money. I look forward to the day when family plans can be made months in advance without wondering if they'll have to be cancelled last minute due to some aspect of cancer. I wish all of our kids futures could be cancer free, even just for a summer.
    Take care, CJ
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900
    we embrace life's uncertainty
    The kids are loved dearly, but have open awareness. Each day they see love and beauty and have and learn. They see my resolve to live and my considerable efforts as my way of showing them my desire to love them into our future. They know I have faith in my survival but we have no guarantees.

    I want them to learn from my life's lessons of cancer the uncertainty of life as a fundamental reality, my kids accept it and are well positioned for life's challenges. I would not deny them this lesson
    Now as I may not be around to teach it in the future.

    Hugs,
    Pete

    Ps as a family we pray everyday for our health, my cure and our world. They know they are loved.