Do I buy a car?

omrhill
omrhill Member Posts: 125
So, I'm relatively new here - have posted a few times. I'm recently diagnosed - stage 3, rectal, and tomorrow is my last day of radiation/chemo!!!! Yippee! Surgery will follow in August, and then Folfox for 6 months. The doctors say I am tolerating treatment exceptionally well and there's no reason not to expect a good outcome. But here's my problem... I'm having a hard time acting on future plans. Until my diagnosis in April, I was planning to buy a car in August (to give my current old car to my 16 year old). Now I can't help thinking about that purchase and whether or not I should finance -- will I be around long enough to pay it off?? I want to buy a new handbag, but then I think "should I really be buying things? (will I be around to enjoy it?)" I even had this thought at Barnes & Noble when the cashier told me my membership card had expired, and asked me if i want to renew for another year? I thought, "what if I don't live a year?"

I know this is not healthy-thinking, and overall I feel good and am generally happy. Has anyone else felt this way? How do I get over it? I want to act like I'm going to live another 50 years... these stupid doubts keep creeping in. I'd love to hear that I'm not alone. And I'd love for someone to tell me it's ok to buy the car!
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Comments

  • joemetz
    joemetz Member Posts: 493
    take care of YOU!
    I know your thoughts... i felt that way for the first 3 months, but now... I'm like...

    hey, i need to live and enjoy! And, if i'm not here to pay off the car... someone will have to sell it or give it to someone. Once i woke up and realize that "we've gotta keep livin' " then i realized that no matter if I'm on this earth for one year or six years... none of us really truly "know" what our time really is.

    the GOOD thing about Cancer, (vs. the Greyhound buss syndrome) is that we have time to understand the value of life, family and friends. We have time to say thank you, good bye or time to mend fences and enjoy the hell out of life.
    And, the better thing is... that once you get your positive attitude working for you... You WILL beat this cancer crap!

    Life live.
    Enjoy every moment.
    spoil your family and yourself!

    you are in my prayers for strength and confidence... in yourself!

    my best

    joe
  • abrub
    abrub Member Posts: 2,174 Member
    It takes time to believe you have a future
    and feel comfortable investing in it, but yes - go ahead. None of us knows if we will be here tomorrow. Life has curves other than cancer that it throws at us.

    I was diagnosed as Stage 4, and went out and invested in a good, high-end kayak. Hell, I was going to go out playing. 5 years later, I'm still playing. Yes, I've bought a new car. I've planned and gone on vacations. I'm continuing to live, and won't stop. That being said, I absolutely understand what you are going through and what you are saying. My best friend, a survivor of 3 different cancer primaries, told me she knew I was doing fine when I started investing in the future.

    You have to do what feels right to you, but you also have to remember to take care of yourself.

    Alice
  • JayhawkDan
    JayhawkDan Member Posts: 205
    abrub said:

    It takes time to believe you have a future
    and feel comfortable investing in it, but yes - go ahead. None of us knows if we will be here tomorrow. Life has curves other than cancer that it throws at us.

    I was diagnosed as Stage 4, and went out and invested in a good, high-end kayak. Hell, I was going to go out playing. 5 years later, I'm still playing. Yes, I've bought a new car. I've planned and gone on vacations. I'm continuing to live, and won't stop. That being said, I absolutely understand what you are going through and what you are saying. My best friend, a survivor of 3 different cancer primaries, told me she knew I was doing fine when I started investing in the future.

    You have to do what feels right to you, but you also have to remember to take care of yourself.

    Alice

    I posed a similar question a couple of weeks ago
    about spending $1000 on a crown for a chipped tooth. Far back molar, nobody can see it, but I decided "what the hell, I'm not giving up," and went ahead and did it. Glad I did --otherwise I felt like I was giving up. Btw I'm stage IV, dx as chemo for life, terminal. I decided "terminal" is a place to catch a plane to places I wanna go to. Buy the car!

    Dan
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866
    Live!
    Don't be foolish but if you need a car, go for it. None of us know what will do us in. We tend to think it will be cancer but it could be anything unless one has a very special situation.
    BTW: It's OK to buy the car...
    Enjoy your life!
    -phil
  • smokeyjoe
    smokeyjoe Member Posts: 1,425
    PhillieG said:

    Live!
    Don't be foolish but if you need a car, go for it. None of us know what will do us in. We tend to think it will be cancer but it could be anything unless one has a very special situation.
    BTW: It's OK to buy the car...
    Enjoy your life!
    -phil

    Interesting, I had the same
    Interesting, I had the same issue when purchasing new dishwasher and fridge, funny how you stop and think....why am I buying this additional stuff ....since I have been diagnosed there have been far too many people I know who have passed suddenly, without any warning....I'm still here...I'm sure they would have planned for 10 years down the road.
  • steveandnat
    steveandnat Member Posts: 886
    go for it
    Don't go crazy but live like your not dying. Enjoy yourself and treat yourself. I'm praying you live a long and prosperous life. Jeff
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,715 Member
    Go For It
    Wow sounds like everything is going great for you. Buy that car and enjoy every minute of it and you'll probably be surprised that you outlive that car. Colorectal cancer is so much more cureable than before. Enjoy that new car.

    Kim
  • dmj101
    dmj101 Member Posts: 527
    stinkin thinkin
    It is so easy to fall into the stinkin thinkin syndrome.. It creeps up on me too.. I think that is human...But I try to live one day at a time.. no one ever gives us an expiration date.. so I buy as I want and need now.. though I question too.. I too could use a new car.. and then I think.. will it be the last I buy.. will I be able to work long enough to pay it off... and do I really need a new car.. If you want/need it buy it..
    I just bought some cloths and thought.. hmmm will they still fit me by the end of the summer and then I realized I'd have thought that even if I didn't have cancer.. so .. enough said.. do what is human... buy if you would have bought it before the Dx.

    I have been looking at the new Ford Escape and the Hyndai Sonata... I now big differebce, by August I think I will have one... Let me know what you pick
  • barbebarb
    barbebarb Member Posts: 464
    PhillieG said:

    Live!
    Don't be foolish but if you need a car, go for it. None of us know what will do us in. We tend to think it will be cancer but it could be anything unless one has a very special situation.
    BTW: It's OK to buy the car...
    Enjoy your life!
    -phil

    Sell my house?
    Glad to hear others speak out on this topic. I am moving along in treatment and hope I can feel good at some point to clean out my house and possibly sell to downsize. I guess I need to get to the point of thinking I can buy some things I need. Its hard to do.
    I am do back at work. 6/11 but need an extension. Hoping when I return my mindset will somewhat change.
    If I get an invitation to go somewhere I am spontaneous and go!
    The resolve you need to find living with the unpredictably of cancer is still hard for me to do.
  • janie1
    janie1 Member Posts: 753
    dmj101 said:

    stinkin thinkin
    It is so easy to fall into the stinkin thinkin syndrome.. It creeps up on me too.. I think that is human...But I try to live one day at a time.. no one ever gives us an expiration date.. so I buy as I want and need now.. though I question too.. I too could use a new car.. and then I think.. will it be the last I buy.. will I be able to work long enough to pay it off... and do I really need a new car.. If you want/need it buy it..
    I just bought some cloths and thought.. hmmm will they still fit me by the end of the summer and then I realized I'd have thought that even if I didn't have cancer.. so .. enough said.. do what is human... buy if you would have bought it before the Dx.

    I have been looking at the new Ford Escape and the Hyndai Sonata... I now big differebce, by August I think I will have one... Let me know what you pick

    decisions
    Even if you didn't have cancer, you want to make good financial decisions. It's important to have reliable transportation. I just wouldn't spend like I was having a mid-life crisis melt-down.

    I, too, could hardly get myself to even buy clothes which I desperately needed..... even that was getting stressful.
    But, lately I'm getting better at it......sales are abundant, I have a good alterations woman. I buy cheap, have the alterations done so things fit like a glove.....LOL......get the hems raised a little extra cause I lost valuable "living" time. If I want to pretend I'm 20 years younger.....and I feel better..... don't really care what anyone may think.
    So, everyone needs to do what is best for them, but just do it wisely to keep unneeded stress to a minimum.
  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 Member Posts: 2,215
    I have been stage 4 for
    I have been stage 4 for nearly 7 years. I have bought 2 cars and started a business. I had to think twice before each big decision with cancer looming over my head but i will not let it take total control of my life and limit my growth. Make smart decisions as you would if you didnt have cancer.
  • barbebarb
    barbebarb Member Posts: 464
    janie1 said:

    decisions
    Even if you didn't have cancer, you want to make good financial decisions. It's important to have reliable transportation. I just wouldn't spend like I was having a mid-life crisis melt-down.

    I, too, could hardly get myself to even buy clothes which I desperately needed..... even that was getting stressful.
    But, lately I'm getting better at it......sales are abundant, I have a good alterations woman. I buy cheap, have the alterations done so things fit like a glove.....LOL......get the hems raised a little extra cause I lost valuable "living" time. If I want to pretend I'm 20 years younger.....and I feel better..... don't really care what anyone may think.
    So, everyone needs to do what is best for them, but just do it wisely to keep unneeded stress to a minimum.

    Buying what u need
    In 2009 I desparately (my old car broke down continually) needed a new car and bought a Toyota. I really enjoy having a reliable car and now it is 2012 and I am dealing with Stage IV. After recooping from surgeries and starting chemo I will be returning to work. Now I need to get clothes that fit-ugh.....I appreciate your post mentioning finding clothes on clearance and making wise budget decisions. In many ways this is what I was doing before.
    Its another new beginning to live to its fullest.
    Cancer forces us to do this more and not take things for granted which is part of human nature.
    Barb
    Buy the car! :-)
  • barbebarb
    barbebarb Member Posts: 464
    janie1 said:

    decisions
    Even if you didn't have cancer, you want to make good financial decisions. It's important to have reliable transportation. I just wouldn't spend like I was having a mid-life crisis melt-down.

    I, too, could hardly get myself to even buy clothes which I desperately needed..... even that was getting stressful.
    But, lately I'm getting better at it......sales are abundant, I have a good alterations woman. I buy cheap, have the alterations done so things fit like a glove.....LOL......get the hems raised a little extra cause I lost valuable "living" time. If I want to pretend I'm 20 years younger.....and I feel better..... don't really care what anyone may think.
    So, everyone needs to do what is best for them, but just do it wisely to keep unneeded stress to a minimum.

    Buying what u need
    In 2009 I desparately (my old car broke down continually) needed a new car and bought a Toyota. I really enjoy having a reliable car and now it is 2012 and I am dealing with Stage IV. After recooping from surgeries and starting chemo I will be returning to work. Now I need to get clothes that fit-ugh.....I appreciate your post mentioning finding clothes on clearance and making wise budget decisions. In many ways this is what I was doing before.
    Its another new beginning to live to its fullest.
    Cancer forces us to do this more and not take things for granted which is part of human nature.
    Barb
    Buy the car! :-)
  • steved
    steved Member Posts: 834
    Future thinking
    As people have described above your thoughts are commmon and normal in this situation. I was stage 3, 8 years back and my wife was pregnant with our first child. One big decision for us was whether or not we had a second child and it took years to feel confident enough in myself for us to decide to go ahead with that. However, it was hugely important to reach that stage to be able to make those big decisions again.
    REally feeling confident in your future might not happen for some time but in the meantime life goes on. It is important you continue to live it and perhaps even more so, live it to the fullest. These decisions do take on new meaning as they are wrapped up in your own mortality which isn't something most 40+ year old consider when thinking about buying new cars. I often feel incredibly jealous of people who don't have to think about that when making decisions. However, you can't let it stop you making right decisions as that is letting it rule your life in an unhealthy way.
    Yes, we have cancer but we have lives too. I am so pleased when I look at my son and daighter that we made the right decision.

    steve
  • Kenny H.
    Kenny H. Member Posts: 502
    steved said:

    Future thinking
    As people have described above your thoughts are commmon and normal in this situation. I was stage 3, 8 years back and my wife was pregnant with our first child. One big decision for us was whether or not we had a second child and it took years to feel confident enough in myself for us to decide to go ahead with that. However, it was hugely important to reach that stage to be able to make those big decisions again.
    REally feeling confident in your future might not happen for some time but in the meantime life goes on. It is important you continue to live it and perhaps even more so, live it to the fullest. These decisions do take on new meaning as they are wrapped up in your own mortality which isn't something most 40+ year old consider when thinking about buying new cars. I often feel incredibly jealous of people who don't have to think about that when making decisions. However, you can't let it stop you making right decisions as that is letting it rule your life in an unhealthy way.
    Yes, we have cancer but we have lives too. I am so pleased when I look at my son and daighter that we made the right decision.

    steve

    If you need or want it go
    If you need or want it go for it, you cant take the money with you. I bought a motorcycle earlier this yr I have no buisiness owning. Enjoy life!
  • Phil64
    Phil64 Member Posts: 838
    It seems to me...
    That underlying this discussion is the more basic question:

    Am I Living?

    or

    Am I Dying?

    If I am Living than I'm saving for retirement, buying cars as I need them, upsizing / downsizing where I live as required...

    If I am Dying than I may go two different ways:

    1) splurge and live like there is no tomorrow... Take the trip you always wanted to take. Buy the fancy big red car (not just any car)

    2) save and plan for others to enjoy the gifts given to you... Plan for giving any wealth away accordingly???

    I think I agree with a lot of posts on here...

    Assume you will Live and Live... Buy smartly, continue to save for the future, etc.

    Most importantly - Love Always!

    Phil
  • ppaseka
    ppaseka Member Posts: 70
    Future
    When my wife was diagnosed last October with Bartholins gland cancer that had mets to the pelvic nodes and nodes in the illiac region, we were planning on building a new post building that was to be our "toy box". Immediatly put the plans on hold. She had a partial vulvectomy in Nov, 28 radiation treatments and 9 rounds of chemo. When we were about four weeks I.to radiation she lookded at me on our way home from chemo and said "let's build the building". I was reluctant at first because it had always been our dream and I did.t want to do it if she wasn't going to be aroind to enjoy it. Needless to say, the building is done. I guess if we waited to do things because we were unsure of the future, we would never do anything. Live for today, because tomorrow is never promised. By the way, we have our first post treatment PET/CT next Wednesday. Praying for good results.
  • Brenda Bricco
    Brenda Bricco Member Posts: 579
    I say buy the car and enjoy
    I say buy the car and enjoy giving the old one to your kid.
    My husband and I have always enjoyed trail riding and spending time with our "horse crazy" friends. With in a few months of his dx we purchased a small motor home that we pull the horse trailer with and have had some really good times. My husband is NED at this time so we are busy living. My advice to you is that you get busy living and enjoy the new car that you were planning to buy before you were dx Please don't let cancer take that from you, I am sure it has already taken enough. ;)
    GOD's blessing to you.
    Brenda
  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
    It's ok to buy the car
    I went through the same thought process last fall. I ended up paying cash for an old RV instead, but that's only because my credit rating got pretty tanked while I was getting a divorce and would need a co-signer. None of us has an expiration tag that tells us the date when we move on to the next Life, and one of the many things that I've learned in the last two years is to live for today. Get that new car and enjoy that new car smell!
  • tommycat
    tommycat Member Posts: 790
    Alternatively.....
    Here's a thought: Buy the new car and give it to your kid :)
    He/she would be ecstatic and you would smile every time you thought about it.
    (Plus maybe you could borrow the car.)
    :)