CSN Login
Members Online: 3

You are here

Do I buy a car?

omrhill
Posts: 125
Joined: May 2012

So, I'm relatively new here - have posted a few times. I'm recently diagnosed - stage 3, rectal, and tomorrow is my last day of radiation/chemo!!!! Yippee! Surgery will follow in August, and then Folfox for 6 months. The doctors say I am tolerating treatment exceptionally well and there's no reason not to expect a good outcome. But here's my problem... I'm having a hard time acting on future plans. Until my diagnosis in April, I was planning to buy a car in August (to give my current old car to my 16 year old). Now I can't help thinking about that purchase and whether or not I should finance -- will I be around long enough to pay it off?? I want to buy a new handbag, but then I think "should I really be buying things? (will I be around to enjoy it?)" I even had this thought at Barnes & Noble when the cashier told me my membership card had expired, and asked me if i want to renew for another year? I thought, "what if I don't live a year?"

I know this is not healthy-thinking, and overall I feel good and am generally happy. Has anyone else felt this way? How do I get over it? I want to act like I'm going to live another 50 years... these stupid doubts keep creeping in. I'd love to hear that I'm not alone. And I'd love for someone to tell me it's ok to buy the car!

danker
Posts: 1280
Joined: Apr 2012

My oncology nurse said"Be good to yourself."So I bought anew car last year. Being 80 and NED I expect ten more years. No doubt you will have many more than you think. Enjoy your good days!!! Buy the car and the purse. You will outlast them both!!!

joemetz's picture
joemetz
Posts: 493
Joined: Nov 2011

I know your thoughts... i felt that way for the first 3 months, but now... I'm like...

hey, i need to live and enjoy! And, if i'm not here to pay off the car... someone will have to sell it or give it to someone. Once i woke up and realize that "we've gotta keep livin' " then i realized that no matter if I'm on this earth for one year or six years... none of us really truly "know" what our time really is.

the GOOD thing about Cancer, (vs. the Greyhound buss syndrome) is that we have time to understand the value of life, family and friends. We have time to say thank you, good bye or time to mend fences and enjoy the hell out of life.
And, the better thing is... that once you get your positive attitude working for you... You WILL beat this cancer crap!

Life live.
Enjoy every moment.
spoil your family and yourself!

you are in my prayers for strength and confidence... in yourself!

my best

joe

abrub's picture
abrub
Posts: 2158
Joined: Mar 2010

and feel comfortable investing in it, but yes - go ahead. None of us knows if we will be here tomorrow. Life has curves other than cancer that it throws at us.

I was diagnosed as Stage 4, and went out and invested in a good, high-end kayak. Hell, I was going to go out playing. 5 years later, I'm still playing. Yes, I've bought a new car. I've planned and gone on vacations. I'm continuing to live, and won't stop. That being said, I absolutely understand what you are going through and what you are saying. My best friend, a survivor of 3 different cancer primaries, told me she knew I was doing fine when I started investing in the future.

You have to do what feels right to you, but you also have to remember to take care of yourself.

Alice

JayhawkDan's picture
JayhawkDan
Posts: 206
Joined: Apr 2012

about spending $1000 on a crown for a chipped tooth. Far back molar, nobody can see it, but I decided "what the hell, I'm not giving up," and went ahead and did it. Glad I did --otherwise I felt like I was giving up. Btw I'm stage IV, dx as chemo for life, terminal. I decided "terminal" is a place to catch a plane to places I wanna go to. Buy the car!

Dan

Aud's picture
Aud
Posts: 480
Joined: Oct 2009

I love your definition of terminal!

danker
Posts: 1280
Joined: Apr 2012

Unfortunately, when my ship came in, I was at the terminal with my bus ticket. LOL

JayhawkDan's picture
JayhawkDan
Posts: 206
Joined: Apr 2012

:-)

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4912
Joined: May 2005

Don't be foolish but if you need a car, go for it. None of us know what will do us in. We tend to think it will be cancer but it could be anything unless one has a very special situation.
BTW: It's OK to buy the car...
Enjoy your life!
-phil

smokeyjoe
Posts: 1428
Joined: Feb 2011

Interesting, I had the same issue when purchasing new dishwasher and fridge, funny how you stop and think....why am I buying this additional stuff ....since I have been diagnosed there have been far too many people I know who have passed suddenly, without any warning....I'm still here...I'm sure they would have planned for 10 years down the road.

barbebarb's picture
barbebarb
Posts: 464
Joined: Oct 2011

Glad to hear others speak out on this topic. I am moving along in treatment and hope I can feel good at some point to clean out my house and possibly sell to downsize. I guess I need to get to the point of thinking I can buy some things I need. Its hard to do.
I am do back at work. 6/11 but need an extension. Hoping when I return my mindset will somewhat change.
If I get an invitation to go somewhere I am spontaneous and go!
The resolve you need to find living with the unpredictably of cancer is still hard for me to do.

steveandnat's picture
steveandnat
Posts: 887
Joined: Sep 2011

Don't go crazy but live like your not dying. Enjoy yourself and treat yourself. I'm praying you live a long and prosperous life. Jeff

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6694
Joined: Feb 2009

Wow sounds like everything is going great for you. Buy that car and enjoy every minute of it and you'll probably be surprised that you outlive that car. Colorectal cancer is so much more cureable than before. Enjoy that new car.

Kim

dmj101's picture
dmj101
Posts: 527
Joined: Nov 2011

It is so easy to fall into the stinkin thinkin syndrome.. It creeps up on me too.. I think that is human...But I try to live one day at a time.. no one ever gives us an expiration date.. so I buy as I want and need now.. though I question too.. I too could use a new car.. and then I think.. will it be the last I buy.. will I be able to work long enough to pay it off... and do I really need a new car.. If you want/need it buy it..
I just bought some cloths and thought.. hmmm will they still fit me by the end of the summer and then I realized I'd have thought that even if I didn't have cancer.. so .. enough said.. do what is human... buy if you would have bought it before the Dx.

I have been looking at the new Ford Escape and the Hyndai Sonata... I now big differebce, by August I think I will have one... Let me know what you pick

janie1
Posts: 753
Joined: Apr 2011

Even if you didn't have cancer, you want to make good financial decisions. It's important to have reliable transportation. I just wouldn't spend like I was having a mid-life crisis melt-down.

I, too, could hardly get myself to even buy clothes which I desperately needed..... even that was getting stressful.
But, lately I'm getting better at it......sales are abundant, I have a good alterations woman. I buy cheap, have the alterations done so things fit like a glove.....LOL......get the hems raised a little extra cause I lost valuable "living" time. If I want to pretend I'm 20 years younger.....and I feel better..... don't really care what anyone may think.
So, everyone needs to do what is best for them, but just do it wisely to keep unneeded stress to a minimum.

barbebarb's picture
barbebarb
Posts: 464
Joined: Oct 2011

In 2009 I desparately (my old car broke down continually) needed a new car and bought a Toyota. I really enjoy having a reliable car and now it is 2012 and I am dealing with Stage IV. After recooping from surgeries and starting chemo I will be returning to work. Now I need to get clothes that fit-ugh.....I appreciate your post mentioning finding clothes on clearance and making wise budget decisions. In many ways this is what I was doing before.
Its another new beginning to live to its fullest.
Cancer forces us to do this more and not take things for granted which is part of human nature.
Barb
Buy the car! :-)

barbebarb's picture
barbebarb
Posts: 464
Joined: Oct 2011

In 2009 I desparately (my old car broke down continually) needed a new car and bought a Toyota. I really enjoy having a reliable car and now it is 2012 and I am dealing with Stage IV. After recooping from surgeries and starting chemo I will be returning to work. Now I need to get clothes that fit-ugh.....I appreciate your post mentioning finding clothes on clearance and making wise budget decisions. In many ways this is what I was doing before.
Its another new beginning to live to its fullest.
Cancer forces us to do this more and not take things for granted which is part of human nature.
Barb
Buy the car! :-)

janderson1964
Posts: 2215
Joined: Oct 2011

I have been stage 4 for nearly 7 years. I have bought 2 cars and started a business. I had to think twice before each big decision with cancer looming over my head but i will not let it take total control of my life and limit my growth. Make smart decisions as you would if you didnt have cancer.

steved
Posts: 835
Joined: Apr 2004

As people have described above your thoughts are commmon and normal in this situation. I was stage 3, 8 years back and my wife was pregnant with our first child. One big decision for us was whether or not we had a second child and it took years to feel confident enough in myself for us to decide to go ahead with that. However, it was hugely important to reach that stage to be able to make those big decisions again.
REally feeling confident in your future might not happen for some time but in the meantime life goes on. It is important you continue to live it and perhaps even more so, live it to the fullest. These decisions do take on new meaning as they are wrapped up in your own mortality which isn't something most 40+ year old consider when thinking about buying new cars. I often feel incredibly jealous of people who don't have to think about that when making decisions. However, you can't let it stop you making right decisions as that is letting it rule your life in an unhealthy way.
Yes, we have cancer but we have lives too. I am so pleased when I look at my son and daighter that we made the right decision.

steve

Kenny H.'s picture
Kenny H.
Posts: 503
Joined: Aug 2010

If you need or want it go for it, you cant take the money with you. I bought a motorcycle earlier this yr I have no buisiness owning. Enjoy life!

Phil64's picture
Phil64
Posts: 837
Joined: Apr 2012

That underlying this discussion is the more basic question:

Am I Living?

or

Am I Dying?

If I am Living than I'm saving for retirement, buying cars as I need them, upsizing / downsizing where I live as required...

If I am Dying than I may go two different ways:

1) splurge and live like there is no tomorrow... Take the trip you always wanted to take. Buy the fancy big red car (not just any car)

2) save and plan for others to enjoy the gifts given to you... Plan for giving any wealth away accordingly???

I think I agree with a lot of posts on here...

Assume you will Live and Live... Buy smartly, continue to save for the future, etc.

Most importantly - Love Always!

Phil

joemetz's picture
joemetz
Posts: 493
Joined: Nov 2011

Phil

Your post is a home run.

thank you!

ppaseka's picture
ppaseka
Posts: 70
Joined: Oct 2011

When my wife was diagnosed last October with Bartholins gland cancer that had mets to the pelvic nodes and nodes in the illiac region, we were planning on building a new post building that was to be our "toy box". Immediatly put the plans on hold. She had a partial vulvectomy in Nov, 28 radiation treatments and 9 rounds of chemo. When we were about four weeks I.to radiation she lookded at me on our way home from chemo and said "let's build the building". I was reluctant at first because it had always been our dream and I did.t want to do it if she wasn't going to be aroind to enjoy it. Needless to say, the building is done. I guess if we waited to do things because we were unsure of the future, we would never do anything. Live for today, because tomorrow is never promised. By the way, we have our first post treatment PET/CT next Wednesday. Praying for good results.

relaxoutdoors08
Posts: 520
Joined: May 2011

Dreams are important to living well with or without cancer. Prayers for good results next week. Let us know how your wife is doing.
NB

Brenda Bricco
Posts: 579
Joined: Aug 2011

I say buy the car and enjoy giving the old one to your kid.
My husband and I have always enjoyed trail riding and spending time with our "horse crazy" friends. With in a few months of his dx we purchased a small motor home that we pull the horse trailer with and have had some really good times. My husband is NED at this time so we are busy living. My advice to you is that you get busy living and enjoy the new car that you were planning to buy before you were dx Please don't let cancer take that from you, I am sure it has already taken enough. ;)
GOD's blessing to you.
Brenda

Doc_Hawk's picture
Doc_Hawk
Posts: 685
Joined: Jan 2012

I went through the same thought process last fall. I ended up paying cash for an old RV instead, but that's only because my credit rating got pretty tanked while I was getting a divorce and would need a co-signer. None of us has an expiration tag that tells us the date when we move on to the next Life, and one of the many things that I've learned in the last two years is to live for today. Get that new car and enjoy that new car smell!

tommycat's picture
tommycat
Posts: 790
Joined: Aug 2011

Here's a thought: Buy the new car and give it to your kid :)
He/she would be ecstatic and you would smile every time you thought about it.
(Plus maybe you could borrow the car.)
:)

Doc_Hawk's picture
Doc_Hawk
Posts: 685
Joined: Jan 2012

What a great idea, Tommycat. Would you adopt me???

tommycat's picture
tommycat
Posts: 790
Joined: Aug 2011

Sure, but it would be awkward since you're older than my husband so that would make him your....hmmm...let's see.
The only thing that comes to mind is the little ditty, "I'm My Own Grandpa."

thingy45's picture
thingy45
Posts: 633
Joined: Apr 2011

Buy the car and see the happy face of your 16 year old when he receives the key to your "old" car. Enjoy life each and everyday, even people withput cancer are waiting to die, we really do not know when our time is up. Live everyday and make memories for your loved ones.
If you don't........ you look back on a year NOT lived and have no memories.
You are alive today and today is what counts, Yesterday is a memorie and tomorrow is a lovely new adventure.
Hugs, Marjan

relaxoutdoors08
Posts: 520
Joined: May 2011

I too have had the feelings you expressed. I decided to plant trees and I did think, Will I be here to see them grow??? But here I am one year later, the trees are growing and I continue to move forward scan to scan, test to test.
Buy the car....NB

Aud's picture
Aud
Posts: 480
Joined: Oct 2009

Wow...I can't believe I'm reading what I thought nearly 3 years ago!
YES!...buy your car. Live your life. My oncologist's line was always..."champagne and cake." I love those words.
Three years ago, before my diagnosis but pretty darn close to it, I was thinking something similar. I was having bleeding for a few weeks and just knew it wasn't a good thing. I couldn't get a prompt appointment with my at-the-time primary doctor so I saw my coworker/friend's doctor instead since he was able to see me right away. He said I was nearly 50 and due for my first colonoscopy anyway. Went to the GI doc a few days after that. Just prior to seeing the GI doc, I bought a car thinking 'maybe this isn't a good idea. what if this bleeding is something serious and I won't be well to pay this thing off?'
Well, the truth of the matter is that a bus can run over us and we won't be able to pay off the car, the house, or enjoy that pint of Ben & Jerry's in the freezer.
I think that we, who've had a cancer diagnosis, are often suspicious and superstitious about the future. We sometimes don't allow ourselves to dream and want things. I think that's normal, healthy even. And then, we move on 'cause that's what we do. We begin to dare to dream and enjoy life. And that is my hope for you and all of us.

Let us seize the day.
Warm regards,
Aud

Aud's picture
Aud
Posts: 480
Joined: Oct 2009

Wow...I can't believe I'm reading what I thought nearly 3 years ago!
YES!...buy your car. Live your life. My oncologist's line was always..."champagne and cake." I love those words.
Three years ago, before my diagnosis but pretty darn close to it, I was thinking something similar. I was having bleeding for a few weeks and just knew it wasn't a good thing. I couldn't get a prompt appointment with my at-the-time primary doctor so I saw my coworker/friend's doctor instead since he was able to see me right away. He said I was nearly 50 and due for my first colonoscopy anyway. Went to the GI doc a few days after that. Just prior to seeing the GI doc, I bought a car thinking 'maybe this isn't a good idea. what if this bleeding is something serious and I won't be well to pay this thing off?'
Well, the truth of the matter is that a bus can run over us and we won't be able to pay off the car, the house, or enjoy that pint of Ben & Jerry's in the freezer.
I think that we, who've had a cancer diagnosis, are often suspicious and superstitious about the future. We sometimes don't allow ourselves to dream and want things. I think that's normal, healthy even. And then, we move on 'cause that's what we do. We begin to dare to dream and enjoy life. And that is my hope for you and all of us.

Let us seize the day.
Warm regards,
Aud(p.s. congratulations on completing radiation/chemo.)

omrhill
Posts: 125
Joined: May 2012

Thanks to everyone for the replies. I feel so much better. You all have confirmed what I know I need to work on -- living life. That includes investing in my future, whatever investments those might be. So, now the big question: what kind of car?!

Thanks again. This is a great group.

Robin

Helen321's picture
Helen321
Posts: 1424
Joined: May 2012

The resounding words of day one on this board. Cancer is not a death sentence, no it's not! Buy the car. And while you're at it have you considered a pair of fuzzy dice?

marbleotis's picture
marbleotis
Posts: 714
Joined: Mar 2012

Buy that car! I am putting in a beautiful new sewing room in my house because I love to sew and am very good at it, it makes me happy. Colon cancer stage 3 does not make me happy. Buy that car, take that trip, sell that house, buy that house, go on vacation, get a kitten or puppy. Just LIVE - cancer takes enough away from us. Alice

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Everyone has already said it. Buy the car!!! I went through the same thing. I was afraid to buy anything! Then gradually i came to this conclusion. Since my husband of 33 years, dropped dead at 52 years old, I just had to live my life. NO ONE knows when. I was first diagnosed in 2004 & have had 2 recurrences.. Still kickin and my present husband of 2 years repeats my mantra for me. "I know", you had cancer, you deserve it".
My reply, "your damn right"!
Enjoy, make it a vette, a shiny red one.
Hugs,
Judy

danker
Posts: 1280
Joined: Apr 2012

I did get a red mustang!!!LOL

Coppercent
Posts: 158
Joined: Jan 2012

No one is promised tomorrow so you need to live life for today! I enjoy every minute and still make many plans for the future. Cancer has stolen some of my time but it will not steal my future.

Subscribe to Comments for "Do I buy a car?"