Entire body is revolting

"New Norm"
I so dislike that term - what is a new normal anyway? When our bodies have been changed from the surgery and treatments, there is nothing normal about it - new, but not normal.

Will it ever go away?

Depends on how long your fight lasts and how much more you have to go through. I can personally tell you that the longer you remain in the fight, that the effects of what you've done never truly go away - they just settle in as time passes. I'm just about to mark my 8th year in battle...I've had chemo 51x - rads 55x - major surgery 4x - cyberknife 3x.

My body and mind has taken a whuppin'. No doubt about it. I still have to be at work at 8am and put in a full day as well. My reward for all of my tours of duty with cancer is to return to work and pretend that I'm the same man that I was before. I've left work 4x and returned 4x, but it does not get any easier, physically or mentally. Careers are challenging and surgeries can render you unable to do the things you used to do - and technology is moving so fast that 6 months or more away from work and a lifetime has passed you by as your co-workers speed past you while you are still trying to catch your breath and try to catch up to the rest of the group.

You'll just have to work much harder at it each time you fight...I ache everyday, all day and at night when I go to sleep. Your life becomes like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole - and you're not only expected to do it - but do it and get on with it. People only see you at face value - they can't see the underlying scars and the changes in your physical aptitudes and mental attitudes.

Nobody cuts me any slack anywhere in my life - I'm expected to do - and so I do...some people call that strength and courage - I just call it doing what you have to do, because nobody is going to do it for you. So, if I can't do it, I don't get - it really just comes down to that.

I don't know your whole story yet on what has happened to you and if you're new to this or not....it does make somewhat of a difference when your mind and body is new to cancer, versus going through multiple recurrences and all that comes with that. It gets harder with each recurrence.

Life is always challenging and testing us. My recent challenge (on top of my own health) is that I'm taking care of my dying dad now and now have to juggle all of his affairs in addition to our own....and my wife may have cancer...and I might have cancer for the 4th time. We don't know for sure, but things are lining up that way. This would be a real family challenge and somehow we have to meet it.

Life is hard....life with cancer is much harder...if it were easy, we'd all be doing it.

I don't have the easy answers for you - I can only tell you my perspective from someone who has battled cancer for 8-years...I've had it 3x - and walked away clean from it 3x.

There will be change - you can try and run from it - or turn around and embrace it.

Your physical body will never be the same...if you don't have to battle too much more, some normalcy may return to your life...the longer you are in the fight, the harder it gets everyday - to do everything that you were doing yesterday. You've got to work harder to do what used to come more easily and natural for you.

From a personal growth standpoint, you will grow exponentially from this experience - won't happen overnight by any means....it is a process that you walk beside that becomes part of your journey. So there's good and bad that comes from cancer. It's a fascinating dichotomy.

We can't choose that we got cancer - we got it and now we have to live with it for the rest of our lives....the choice becomes how will we deal with it? And how can we turn it so that I can get some meaning out of what I'm experiencing?

Back in the early days of my cancer...I used to espouse this slogan, which I believed in during that phase of my life:

"Cancer does not define me - but how I live with and fight cancer DOES define me."

I've been busy with a sick and dying father, but have caught a post or two on you and I can see the struggles you are facing right now - and the questions you are asking yourself.

This is good....self-examination and personal reflection go along way to determine where you are now - and where you want to go tomorrow.

Take care, vent away...and then get out there and get after it:)

-Craig

What is 'normal'?
I appreciate your comments and don't see it as moaning- only expressing what we all feel at times. Our bodies feel like they have betrayed us by getting this cancer and continue to betray us on a daily basis. Bits don't work like they used to, some pieces are missing while others seem to grow when you don't want them to and then there are the are bits that just plain hurt. However, for many of us that has to be the norm and lived and adapted too and I am always surprised by what we can adapt to.
We are also very individual in the how we best manage these feelings too. My personal battle is with pain and tiredness- am learning there are times when fighting it is right and others when giving into it is necessary. Each day is different- sometimes going to the gym when tired will give me energy and lying around at home will make me feel more tired! Work tires me but makes me feel like I achieved something which gives me energy!

Find your own way each day of managing it all but don't let it rule you or rob you of your life.

steve

Dear Deb
No, you are not a whiny baby. You are just telling it like it is.

Will things improve? The answer is maybe or maybe not. But hopefully you will find things to take or do which will improve your comfort level.

I have seen a number of lists of life events which cause stress. While most include "personal illness", none contain "being diagnosed or treated for cancer". Someone needs to add that to the top of the list! In my personal opinion, it trumps anything else you can name, because its effects (both mental and physical) never truely go away and bring so many more of life's stressors to our door. "Making the best of every day" takes on new meaning.

We have to look harder for the little moments of pleasure in life. They are there hiding behind the rest of the stuff we now deal with.

Hoping that you do find some measure of improvement in how you feel, but know that you can always come here and post about how you truely feel. We understand.

Hugs,

Marie who loves kitties