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My Brother Blake AKA Buckwirth

clever_user_name
Posts: 8
Joined: Feb 2012

This is Drummond, Blake's brother, writing from Afghanistan.

After hearing that someone from here was trying to contact my brother by phone, via an email to my sister, Blake's wife Kathy asked that I do a post here regarding his current condition, with the idea that she will read the messages to him.

***The best way to reach Blake is right here. Please post anything you'd like to say and I will forward it to Kathy so she can read your messages to him. I will also forward the messages already posted to Tommycat's post titled "Blake and his condition". It's true that this little forum meant the world to Blake, so I'm sure he will be comforted to hear from each and everyone of you. His sense of humor has never left him... so don't be afraid to tickle his funny bone, which will undoubtedly be among the last one working.***

When I logged on to this forum, I was a little bit surprised to see that an anonymous and personal email was copied to another post ("A message from Blake's Friend"), mentioning me, Kathy and my sister by name. I have no idea who sent that email or why it was posted on a public forum. The email (I think-- there are no quotes to tell where the email starts or ends) gently reprimands Kathy for not participating here, which seems rather cruel-- we all have our own way of dealing with crises of this kind. There are MANY things in that email that are factually incorrect. My brother did NOT grow "weak and angry" with this illness-- he grew strong and compassionate, he shined in his final hour. He might be opinionated and occasionally ornery, but that's a lot different than being angry; sure he's had moments of frustration, but overall, I would say that he actually became much less angry after the diagnosis and as the illness progressed. The statement about Kathy that goes "until we told her to reach out to Desa and Drummond, she had no one to share this journey with" seems to be giving credit to someone else for what Kathy did, rather than giving Kathy the full credit she deserves (for EVERYTHING she's done-- like Blake, she really stepped up to the plate and has been his fierce advocate throughout the ordeal).

I know that the "Message to Blake's Friend" post was well-intended, and harbor no resentments whatsoever to the person who posted it. Just wanted to set the record straight about the subject matter in that post.

Okay, now that I got that off my chest, here's the update: A few days ago, Blake was transferred from his regular hospital, where he was treated for his condition through much of this ordeal, to a hospital that takes hospice patients. There is some confusion about whether he was actually enrolled into hospice when he was transferred, and I am helping Kathy figure that out. Blake is suffering more than he should because the new hospital is not administering adequate pain medication. Poor Kathy was trying to solve this problem on her own and now I am helping to figure out if he's indeed under hospice care. I called the hospice organization that Kathy had been working with before he was transferred and they cited HIPPA laws and could neither confirm nor deny whether he was under their care, but they did confirm that they sometimes see patients at the hospital where he is now located. Kathy fought very hard to get him placed there, as opposed to coming home, because it was what Blake wanted. The day he left the other hospital, all the nurses did a touching sendoff for him, and one of his former work colleagues attended, and also visited him at the new hospital. More work colleagues are planning to visit him Monday. My sister is also on her way to visit him and, probably as a result of the above-mentioned post, she has received emails from people on her facebook account asking how to contact Blake.

At any rate, we will have the hospice situation figured out very soon, and hopefully that will result in more appropriate care, with an advocate Kathy can turn to instead of taking on the hospital on her own. And THANK YOU all for the love and support you have provided to my brother over the past couple of years.

Regards,

Drummond (Blake's brother)

[I just edited this post to clarify the hospital he moved *to*, not from, is the one that takes hospice patients, and also added a paragraph that clarifies I know the "message from Blake's friend" post was well intentioned.]

wolfen's picture
wolfen
Posts: 1321
Joined: Apr 2009

This is quite confusing. I'm sure that Gail was not aware that "Blake's Friend" had overstepped the boundaries when she relayed this email to our group.

Please let Blake know that he and Kathy are in my thoughts. He is a friend and never failed to help me when I needed it, despite the many bad times he was going through. I am sorry to hear that he is receiving inadequate care and hope this matter will soon be resolved and he will be comfortable and pain free. I could always see through the "dark" Blake to the real one and I am proud to be his friend.

Luv,

Wolfen

pepebcn's picture
pepebcn
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

Proud to be his friend as well! Best wishes to him and family,will pray for all of you.
Pepe.

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

Care givers have a tough role and a hard road to follow. Blake has been with us here while on his and our journey and through many lossless of life, our friends. I tegret to hear and feel sonmuch sorrow that one of us is again suffering so and not doing well. My thoughts are with you all.

Blake, you know we miss you. Kathy, you have some friends her. Big hug. Raquel.

MrsJP
Posts: 157
Joined: Jan 2011

...for the update. I'm at a loss for words. Blake has always been a wealth of information, a great debator and a good cyber friend. I feel sad that he is in pain and hope this gets resolved. I very glad that he has a deep support base. My thoughts and prays are with you all.
jp

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

I have removed my post, and I assure you that I did not call anyone or solicit information from anyone. I was contacted, and since I have always been very fond of Blake, and since I know that he has been a frequent poster that people care about, I shared the information.

I apologize for any hurt to the family. I had no desire to hurt anyone.

Gail

clever_user_name
Posts: 8
Joined: Feb 2012

I appreciate your removing that post. No hard feelings, as I mentioned before, I didn't question your intent, but rather the contents of the email you posted to this forum. It's a side issue anyways, the main thing I wanted to convey was Blake's current situation, as well as the intent to relay any messages to him that are posted here.

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

Gail, you are a sweet heart. You know that we are about good intentions here. When I read the post you posted, I didn't give second thought to Kathy not coming here. we are family regardless and never judge our spouses, friends, relatives and how they deal with pain. Like Drummond said, no hard feelings. Chin up. You are one of us, a mighty warrior.

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3327
Joined: Jan 2010

Thank you so very much for posting. We had all become very anxious about Blake when he failed to "appear here" and share his thoughts with us. Also thank you for clarifying already posted info.

Dear Blake,

So sorry to hear that you are in the hospital and that you are having trouble getting them to get the pain under control. You are sorely missed here on the board. If there is anything we can do from a distance I hope you will let us know.

Hoping that you can feel up to dictating a few fiesty "Blake" words of wisdom to be sent to us. We haven't had our fix lately. You do know that you have been immortalized here with the cowboy hat and your banter on all topics...oh yea, and for your love of kitties...lol...a fellow furry feline fancier!

Only the best and always the best wishes for you, Kathy and your family. You are missed.

Hugs in bunches,

Marie who loves kitties

johnnybegood's picture
johnnybegood
Posts: 1122
Joined: Oct 2008

its nice to meet you.thank you for stepping in and giving us an update.i stay out of the drama that goes on here so i have no comment about any of that confusion.just please let Blake know that his friend johnnybegood is thinking and praying for him.he has always been a good friend to me when i needed answers to anything and even had a shoulder for me to lean on when i was diagnosed stage 4.and remember we are here for him and his family....Godbless....johnnybegood

tommycat's picture
tommycat
Posts: 790
Joined: Aug 2011

Very happy to hear that Blake will be hearing his messages---now we NEED to start a debate, just to rile him up :)
All that aside, you and your family are in my prayers and thoughts. Blake is a gem.

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

For taking the time to fill us in on Blake's condition, Blake is, and always has been, a good friend to myself (and to many) and an important contributor to the forum. I hope that he is resting as comfortably as he can be. I checked out his Expressions Page on this site and got a kick out of the photo of Kathy blinking. I had never visited it before. I share a similar sense of humor as Blake has and he often tickled my funny bone. We butted heads at timewe it that's what friends sometimes do, we both tried (as we all try) to encourage and inform fellow members.
We're all on the same boat but taking different journeys.

My best to Blake, Kathy and his family and my thanks to you for being the go-between.
Peace...
-phil

Grace14
Posts: 65
Joined: Sep 2011

I do not post here often mostly on the Colon Club where Blake sometimes posts... In fact he PM'd me on there once. I just wanted to say that he is in my thoughts and prayers!!

thingy45's picture
thingy45
Posts: 633
Joined: Apr 2011

Thanks Drummond for informing us about Blakes condition.

Dear Blake,
when I came on this board you incouraged me and I have read all yout posts and often you made me laugh out loud. Laughter is a good medicine. I wish I could make you laugh even smile a little. I also hope that the pain will soon be under control.
I am sure that Kathy will keep on fighting for you best care possible. I wish you strength Kathy.
I send you love and wish you peace,
Love to Kathy and you and all you hold dear,
Hugs, Marjan

relaxoutdoors08
Posts: 520
Joined: May 2011

Thank you so much for letting us know how he is doing. Prayers for his comfort. My son will soon be home from Iraq/Kuwait after one year deployment. His National Guard Unit provided the security in moving troops and equipment out of Iraq. I am counting the days. Thank you so much for your service. I know this must be so hard for you. Thank you so much for being online and providing comfort to your brother. Please share with him how much I appreciated the information Blake shared here online. He gave us hope with his updated studies and charts on survival. He was so knowlegeable about all the insurance and social security issues we face who are on this board. I am so sorry he is in pain but hope he soon will have the care he deserves. Prayers for you and your family.
NB

lauragb
Posts: 370
Joined: Aug 2011

Blake, Since coming onto this board last summer, I have really enjoyed your succinct way of communicating and your sense of humor. I want to hear the news that you are getting the pain control you need and are resting comfortably. My thoughts are with you.

Drummond, thanks for filling us in on things. My thoughts are with you too. I know how much my brother worries about me. It's not easy being the sibling either. Take care.

Sonia32's picture
Sonia32
Posts: 1078
Joined: Mar 2009

Blake and Kathy you are both in my prayers.

Blake hugs you have looked out for me and I want to thank you for that. I know we have all had our differences in this group, but one thing that ties us altogether is this disease, and we come together because of that. Been thinking of you a lot, hoping your comfortable. Hope you behave yourself and not look out for any hot nurses, as you mentioned about the fire woman last time. :-) Your an inspiration like everyone else on here, and you are part of this family. Hugs

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 370
Joined: Apr 2009

Hello Blake:

I am sorry to hear you are not doing good...I miss your encouraging messages to me throughout my rocky path. Please know that I will be here in the background waiting for you. You are strong! I know you are!!! I will think of you, and cross my fingers for you!
Please take care,
- Sophie

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Thank you Drummond,
I have wondered all day what can I say? Only this, Blake you made such an impact on this board with Your humor, your advice and your willingness to help us. Not to mention your determination. I especially loved it when you got your dander up. Made for interesting reading.
Now i wish you pain free days and peaceful nights. i send prayers to you and yours.
Judy

taraHK
Posts: 1961
Joined: Aug 2003

Dear Blake,

Sending loving thoughts your way. Hope you get adequate pain control soon. I know you won't be loosing that wry sense of humor anytime soon but I'd just as soon it wasn't accompanied by pain! You have been such a wonderful contributor to this board -- humour mixed with pearls of wisdome. We are all praying for you.

Love,
Tara

ps love to Kathy and love and thanks to Drummond

janie1
Posts: 753
Joined: Apr 2011

When I first posted here, I was a mess. Still am, but a more informed mess thanks to you. You told me to "Breathe", because I was probably rambling.
It's been entertaining watching you and John go toe-to-toe. I think you even agreed to disagree at one point.
Are you sure you want Kathy to read our messages to you? Now, this would be a good opportunity for her to embellish what we say and just give you a whole bunch of B.S.
Humor aside....You are loved, Good Buddy.....and you can't argue that. Will be thinking about you. You have a great family......thank you and love to you all !

LivinginNH's picture
LivinginNH
Posts: 1458
Joined: Apr 2010

Dear Blake, You have been such an inspiration to Rick and me during this journey. We've always enjoyed reading your informative and often humorous posts. We especially like the way you tell it like it is and don't pull punches. You have truly been a wonderful friend to many out here.

All our best,

Cynthia and Rick

- Kathy and Drummond, you are also in our thoughts and prayers.

clever_user_name
Posts: 8
Joined: Feb 2012

I was able to confirm that Blake is not in hospice care but rather "comfort care" at the new hospital. A pain specialist paid a visit this evening, so hopefully we have resolved that problem and he is more comfortable. Thanks for all the posts, both Kathy and my sister have been with him today. I'm pretty sure they are reading your posts to him but I haven't talked with them about that yet this evening. I can confirm that I've been reading them and they've been helpful for me... thanks again.

karen40's picture
karen40
Posts: 211
Joined: Aug 2011

Drummond,
Thanks for taking the time out to update us. It's much appreciated.

Hi Blake,
I'm wishing the absolute best for you. I hope they were able to get the pain under control. You're very much missed here. As Winter Marie said, "we can't have the yin without the yang".
Take care and get better,
Karen

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Dear Blake,

You're in my prayers. I want to tell you that I miss your posts, and it would be so wonderful to hear from you again on here.

Hope you have fabulous doctors and nurses taking care of you.

*hugs*
Gail

idlehunters's picture
idlehunters
Posts: 1792
Joined: Apr 2009

Thanks so much for keeping us in the loop!

Blake...... I miss your dusty ole arse already!!! :-) Really Dude... I hope they are giving you some really good drugs so you feel half way decent. Get good and get back!!!! Hugs!

Jennie

Phoebesnow
Posts: 567
Joined: Apr 2011

I will think of u always as the way u r. Funny, inTelligent, ornery and good looking. A winning combo. I always enjoyed your posts, especially the stories.I will think of you as I pull up to many of the numerous surfspots in Southern California. I think the drive on pch sometimes can be just as good as the surf.

Thank you for teaching me the importance of research. Thank you for your support.

I have to admit i have dreaded this day and i have more than a few tears. I will miss u my friend.

I am glad u r surrounded by your loving family and friends.

Phoebe Snow
Aka carrol

Kathryn_in_MN's picture
Kathryn_in_MN
Posts: 1258
Joined: Sep 2009

Thank you for updating us on Blake. I haven't been on this site for a week or more. I'm sad to hear he is not doing very well. It sounds like he has been moved to the location he wants to be in, and now that he is in comfort care hopefully they will get his pain under control. I've always enjoyed reading Blake's posts here, and miss seeing them.

Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2361
Joined: Jan 2009

Drummond,
Thank you for the update on Blake. As you can see he has given so much to all of us. We love his wit and knowledge.

Blake and Kathy you are in my prayers. I am praying for peace and that you are pain free.

Aloha,
Kathleen

buckeye2
Posts: 428
Joined: Jul 2011

Blake,

You are surely one of the members I would've liked to meet. Your humor and no nonsense posts gave me comfort. I think I remember a post of yours honoring caretakers, especially your wife for what we do. You and your wife are like me and my husband, so fortunate to have lived so many years with the love of our lives. I wish you and your wife good days ahead. I think what people don't know that haven't traveled this path is that in the middle of so much physical and emotional suffering that there are still moments that are good. My wish for the two of you is many of those moments and even laughter. Lisa

plh4gail's picture
plh4gail
Posts: 1238
Joined: Oct 2010

Blake and Kathy, my wish to you is more moments to cherish, love and laughter, peace and comfort. Thinking of you both, and hoping for the best!

Hugs, gail

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

I just returned home to see this post. I am saddened to hear about your brother. He always has a caring and informative response to posts...I have been missing him recently, and now I know why.

I'm sorry for any criticism of Kathy, however well intentioned. I was in the same situation, with my mom, though, that she is in, and it seemed that I could not 'please all of the people, all of the time'.

As far as hospice, unfortunately you must (as you all are learning...sigh...) ride herd on them...the process is tedious, but it can be completed. I am also angry to hear that Blake is not getting adequate pain management...that, too, is a matter of being a bit of a nag to get them to do it right...

Please 'tell' Blake that I am sending big, warm hugs to him. And tell Kathy to keep some for herself and you also!!!!

Hugs, Kathi

Phoebesnow
Posts: 567
Joined: Apr 2011

I read some last night. I liked it, it will be here forever. It made me think of a line, "'I live in the back room, the front room is for company and friends". I always thought that was me and me who wrote it. But maybe someone else, wrote it. But I think it might be u too? Thanks for sharing with us, it was very generous of you. Someday I hope to be so brave. In the meantime I love to throw out onliners a hint of what might come.
The challenge
Paddling towards my destiny, hurled forward by a power unknown,capturing the moment, standing, above, standing alone,sun streaming down, dancing lights bouncing off walls of challenges unknown, rising into my life, lifting me up,throwing me forward, closer to god, closer to freedom, closer to me.

I wrote that about surfing, so I thought.

I hope u r having a better day Blake.

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6212
Joined: Feb 2009

You are in my thoughts always. You've been such a great part of this board and always appreciated your comments. I'm sorry that things are not going for the better for you. Glad that you have a wonderful brother posting for you from so far away. And Drummond, being that you are in Afghanistan, I'm sure that you are serving in the military and I'm giving you my support and hugs from a mother that has 3 in the military. God Bless you Blake. I'm missing you on this board.

Kim

Brenda Bricco
Posts: 579
Joined: Aug 2011

Thinking and praying for you Blake.

Brenda Bricco
Posts: 579
Joined: Aug 2011

Thinking and praying for you Blake.

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

Blake,

I will really miss you, I have always valued your replies given our different journeys.
I wish I could tickle your funny bone. Maybe this.
I am camping on wild wet stormy night in Australia, so bad I took kids to the club to dry out, warm-up and eat. At dinner my son made a thick shake out of chocolate icecream and milk. With a big smile he said try this.

I did, it tasted great.

You are loved Blake from every continent.

Just peace, love and hugs,
Pete

Semira's picture
Semira
Posts: 378
Joined: Mar 2012

Although I'm relative new to the board it seems to me I know you a long long time. Thank you for all your posts and thoughts I read especially during my first hectic and confused weeks on this board. Now you are in my thoughts and I send some silent greetings all the way from germany. Glad to know you!

Petra

rlridings's picture
rlridings
Posts: 42
Joined: Nov 2011

very sorry to hear the latest - this is the part of this support group that tears me up - also very sorry to hear that he is not getting proper pain control - he has been a great contributor offering his knowledge to any that asked for it

Kenny H.'s picture
Kenny H.
Posts: 503
Joined: Aug 2010

Praying for you Blake. Miss you.

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 370
Joined: Apr 2009

@Blake:

I miss you...come up, come up! Leave us a line or two!!! We need you here!! Until you don't come up I'll just have my fingers (and toes) crossed for you...(I'm getting numb, so hurry back up!). Thanks Drummond for the update, and tell Kathy to tell Blake that he is missed and this board is already so EMPTY without him!!!
Sophie

Calluna
Posts: 7
Joined: Jan 2012

Blake doesn't know me - in fact, none of you do - and that's why I've deliberated for a couple of days over whether to write this or not. I've pretty much always preferred the possibility I'll regret the things I've done than the things I haven't, though, so here goes.

Blake, you've made such a difference to me without even knowing it. I've been lurking on these boards for months, trying to find hope, comfort and support wherever I can. I'm not a religious type, so I find that comfort in facts and figures, in science. I have sought out your posts and the wisdom you've shared, and you've helped, so much, with your ability to balance pragmatism with positivity, hope with common sense.

I've greatly appreciated your great intelligence and compassion, your sharp logic and dry humour, but what has amazed me most has been your bravery in the face of what must now seem the inevitable.

I can't do much more than thank you here, but I promise I will remember you. I only wish I'd had the chance to get to know you.

TMac52's picture
TMac52
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2010

Drum, please tell Blake for me that he truly helped me get over myself.
Like phil above Blake and I butted heads on a few issues. But as everyone knows he is well read and does his research (mainly to help others) Not to be a know it all like I originally thought. Blake didnt hold a grudge just stated the facts as he saw them.
I was hurting after my dad passed away a year ago 4/22/11 blake sent me a private message that simply said something like.
"sorry Bud love Blake" It instantly brought me to tears because he was so real. No BS this guy was the real deal. I havnt been on this site too much and just found out by reading this post that Blake is not doing well.
Blake from the heart ...............SORRY BUD LOVE TOM

Phoebesnow
Posts: 567
Joined: Apr 2011

I just wanted u to know that when I'm not posting, I am still thinking of you and this current crisis. Kathy and family god bless you all too.

marqimark's picture
marqimark
Posts: 242
Joined: Jun 2011

Thanks for the update

Blake

I learned so much from you.
I really appreciated your presence on the board.

God Bless you

Mark

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