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My heartfelt sympathy is with all of you

Posts: 267
Joined: Nov 2009

To Everyone who has lost someone:

Many of you do not know me but I use to post on here almost daily when my journey started October 10,2010 when my beloved husband Ed, was diagnosed with this terrible cancer, stage four right from the beginning. He lasted eleven months during which time he did six months of chemo then it went to his brain, which was followed by four weeks of whole brain radiation.
He left this world September 10,2011.

I still get on here everyday and read all your stories and have realized how many people have we lost to this horrible cancer. So many, so young, so old, but they are truly special to the ones they leave behind. Their struggles will not go unnoticed and I truly believe that they are in a better place, pain free, with the Lord, looking down upon us. Every night when I let my dogs out, there are two stars staring down at me, same place, everynight, and I believe these two stars are Eddie and my Mom, who passed away nine days after my husband.
They are there always, like they are telling me everything will be ok. I have many dark moments still, even after eighteen months, but deep within my heart, I know that they are ok.

I hope that all of you get that little something that tells you that your lost loved one is ok too. Just look around, they are there.


Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1566
Joined: Nov 2009

Hi Linda
So happy to see you posting. Thank you for this wonderful, heartfelt, caring post. I look up at the stars just about each night, while also taking the dog out....because no one else does.....thinking of my dad, and asking God to please continue to take care of him. Our loved ones are in heaven, they are looking down on us. We will see our loved ones again. You just have to believe and have faith. God has blessed us all here on CSN. We have found forever friends. Keep in touch when you can. Hugs to you and Diana.
Tina in Va

JReed's picture
Posts: 463
Joined: Nov 2011

Forever friends - you are so right about that Tina. That is exactly how I feel about everyone on this site. I can't think of a better way to say it than you did - sweet!


Ginny_B's picture
Posts: 543
Joined: Sep 2011

Thank you for your post. This is the hardest thing ever to endure for me. I know my mom is happy now.

Posts: 191
Joined: Nov 2011

What a truly lovely post Linda.

Big hugs to all three of you Linda, Tina, and Ginny. We are still going through the battle and it is terrifying. I just can't begin to imagine what it is like to be at the stage you all are at and having to deal with the loss. But of course my mind goes there more often than it should. I hope your days become more filled happy moments and less with dark ones as each day passes.


mruble's picture
Posts: 179
Joined: Jun 2011

Linda - thank you for your beautiful message. I remember well the battle you and Eddie waged and I know it wasn't easy. It's wonderful to hear you have two special stars looking down on you each night. It's been three weeks and two days since the love of my left left his earthly home. And we feel him with us in everything we do.


Posts: 267
Joined: Nov 2009

I haven't been on since I wrote the above posting but thank you to all who replied. yes, those shooting two stars are still there every night and I know, it's Ed and my Mom looking for on Diana and I.

I will not lie to you, I have my good days/ bad days still. Looking at some of the flowers that seem to be pooping remind me so much of Eddie, we planted them together and now when I see them to start blooming, I cannot help but think of him. I still do not go into our bedroom, just to get my clothes and leave. It is simply too hard= I still have those haunting memories of him lying in that bed weighing about 100 pounds. You know, Ed started at 230 pounds so he did not even look like my husband. How funny it is that we still go back into our brain and see those horrible images of him in that bed, so skinny, so sick. I have a very difficult time trying to remember Ed before he got cancer, isn't that weird, after all, we were togethr 27 years before cancer, and I cannot remember him heavier and not sick.
This is what cancer does to all of us=we forget the good and can only remember the bad.
I spoke to my therapist about this and she said "Ed's cancer came on with such a fury, here on day, gone another day" that you still suffer from pstd. I believe I do at times, I still sit here and say "what happened to my husband". We are thinking of maybe moving and I think it would be a great move for diana and I, new house, new things, new rooms, new memories.

I just wanted to say yes, we are all the same, we may deal differently, but at the end of the day, we all went through the same thing, lost some loved-one and we all hurt the same.

Spring is here, my favorite time of the year and I will get out there soon and plant some more flowers. Life is always around us. I have a dear friend, age 56, who is deathly sick and I have been going up the hospital to visit it. Life is a gift, we cannot take one day for granted, everyday is special and precious. it took me all these years to figure it out.
I hope I help someone when I put my feelings down on this computer. You are not alone=we are all in this together.



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