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loss of spouse support

need support
Posts: 40
Joined: Feb 2012

At 52 years old and being diagnosed with 3b colon cancer I thought I was in for the fight of my life. It's been 9 long months of surgery and chemo and I am now starting to feel pretty good. My wife was so supportive in the beginning that I could always feel her comfort and prayers. About 6 months ago, she started making frequent trips back to her home town on a weekly basis. Well after several sleepless nights and a lot of questioning my wife confessed to rekindling an old relationship from when she was 17. She is now 47. She was always a great wife and mother, and it's hard to believe that I now have to deal with a situation like this. I am going to receive psychological help next week to try and deal with all the emotions. I guess the part that hurts the most is that I spent the last nine months making sure my wife was taken care of from many avenues. I joined this group tonight because I just needed someone to talk too.

Posts: 1849
Joined: Aug 2010

There are support groups out there for you, too, and you should take advantage of them.

As a caregiver spouse, I can attest to the fear and anxiety your wife went through.

Make sure you get the help YOU need. Not knowing your relationship with your wife pre-cancer and dependent upon where she says she is now in her heart and mind, you may need support to go on without her or to make decisions on how to move forward together.

Cancer is just such a thief. Even if the marriage is not salvageable, try to save the good parts of your relationship.


Posts: 2
Joined: Jan 2012

I read your post and my heart breaks for you. I think you are very smart to seek out some counseling, you need to talk this out with someone so it doesn't eat you up inside. It's terrible of her to do that to you right now when you need her most-consider it a testament to her true colors. Cancer brings out the best in some people and the worst in others. Yes, it is tough on the spouse, but then again, THEY are not the ones fighting for their lives. Their one and only job is to support you through this difficult time, and she does this by cheating on you? Shame on her. I know this may sounds simplistic, but focus on you and your treatment and take it ONE day at a time. If you two can work it out fine, if not, you've already forged a path for yourself. As someone who is going through chemo for breast cancer at 32, and whose cheating husband asked her for a divorce 2 months ago, I can say that I know something about what you're feeling. I am here if you need to talk or send me a private message. The betrayl stings real bad right now, OF COURSE! You're human. You have to go through the pain to get to the other side of this, no way around it. So do what you need to do to grieve all of the lousy stuff that is happening to you. I found that praying to God every night "just get me through the next day" was really helpful along with starting a journal. Best wishes to you, and I'm so very sorry that this was put on your plate right now. It just plain sucks.

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