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The cost of silence...a short rant

Radioactive34's picture
Posts: 388
Joined: May 2011

I was watching a show on TV, where a sick person was featured. They spent a good portion of the feature praising how well she dealt with her multiple illness' and "never once complained about her pain."

Why do we prize suffering in silence so much? Yes we can deal with pain gracefully but do we have to do it in silence? I posed my question to my husband and he responded with "Well, no one likes a whiner." Highly insensitive of him and hypocritical as he had been at home with the flu for a couple of days. He sounded like a wounded animal each time something hurt and utterly refused to heed my suggestions on how to deal with his pain.

I responded kind of snappishly with, "I'd like to see all the people who don't want to hear a whiner, deal with that type of pain!" Seriously, we hurt...this is no minor pain. We have mental anguish that goes with it. Why should we have to suffer in silence?

Silence is what has kept a lot of us from getting diagnosed early. Silence has cost people their lives.

mom2greatkids's picture
Posts: 528
Joined: Jun 2011

I don't suffer in silence! Thankfully, my physical struggles have been minimal compared to so many. I think we're all prety amazing in what we accomplish daily! Only someone who has never dealt with such things would think one shouldn't whine.

Posts: 81
Joined: Dec 2011

I suffer in silence for my son. It is frightening enough for him. Ovarian is my second primary cancer. I've been sick for pretty much as long as he can remember. When my neuropathy was at it's worst, he got a glimpse of how much I am suffering and he had nightmares for a week. I do my crying and raging when he's at school or after he's in bed.

Cafewoman53's picture
Posts: 737
Joined: Jul 2010

The way pain is looked at and treated in this country is ridiculous. Many a doctor or nurse will have strange ideas on what pain means. Suffering in silence with your doctor is not the way to go ,family and friends are a different story they may not be able to handle the thought of their loved one suffering..
I had a kidney removed, a very painful operation, and the nurse I had less tha 24 hours after surgery did not want to give me the dr ordered paid meds nothing over the top just standard medicine. I called the dr and she then still grudgingly dispensed the meds telling me I could not get those meds at home duh!,, to suffer in silence slows down your recovery, you move less and are not able to get back to normal activities as soon as you could if you were not in pain.

kikz's picture
Posts: 1347
Joined: Jun 2010

for my son and my mom. The evening of my diagnosis on 3/16/2010 my son expressed to me that he could lose his entire family within five years. His dad had died in 2007, my mom is 87 (although in good health) and me with a mind-numbing diagnosis of ovarian cancer. My son is 31 now but he is my only child and I am his only parent. I am also my mom's only child During my illness I saw this person who I always thought of as a rock end up in the ER twice with anxiety. She fell apart when she heard me crying to my son that I couldn't take it anymore. This happened a couple of times when I was chemo sick and at my wits end.

I did have other family and friends that I would lay my hurt on. But for the most part I felt upbeat when I wasn't chemo sick. I was optimistic and I think others including my mom saw a side of me they didn't know existed. I don't think I knew it either. I found out I am a strong and positive person.

At the end of my treatment my mom told people that it was my will to live that got me through. She told me that she knew I gave credit to others for getting me through but it was me. Wow high praise from my mom who is not naturally complimentary.


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