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Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2012

Hi everyone! My name is Kelly, I'm 31 years old and I'm a 13 year cancer survivor. I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Disease back in 1997 when I was 17 years old. I came to this board to hopefully connect with people who have gone through what I've gone through and who can relate to the fears I still have. My mother recently passed away from a very long battle with breast and bone cancer. She died at the early age of 61 and since her passing I have become very scared of getting cancer again. I'm a new mother now and I have a huge fear of something happening to me and not being able to see my daughter grow. Within the past few days I have become so worried that there is something wrong with me. Maybe it's just the intense fear consuming me but I worry every day. I see me oncologist at the end of the month but I wonder if this fear is normal.

Does anyone else feel like this sometimes? I try to explain it to my husband and friends but they just think I'm crazy. I use to go to my mom about this stuff because she understood but she is no longer here. Please tell me I am not crazy and these feelings are normal. Thanks.

allmost60's picture
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Kelly,
You are not crazy and it's perfectly normal to feel this way. In the back of my mind I also wonder if I'll have a recurrance. The trick is to find a balance between the fear and worry of what might be, while maintaining a positive attitude for today. We can't predict what tomorrow will bring. I'm so sorry you lost your mom, she was my age. Fear and stress are two things you need to keep at a minimum in your daily life, as both can take a toll on the immune system causing sickness and a general overall bad feeling. Talk to your doctor at the end of the month and maybe see if a antidepressant would help. Welcome to the group and keep coming back...someone is always here to help. Best wishes...Sue
(Follicular NHL-stage3-grade2-typeA-diagnosed June 2010)

forme's picture
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Kelly

Welcome to a great group of friends. What you describe is very normal. From reading many many posts, the aniexty seems to incress the closer it gets to a Dr visit or scan time. I always thought that I was the only one who felt that way, but many folks feel the same.

I am very sorry about your Moms passing. You are right, she was so young.

Hang in there, and any time you need some understanding and support, we will all be here for you. Many of us have the same feelings you are having.

When I get scared, I come here for love and support.

Take care

miss maggie
Posts: 929
Joined: Mar 2010

Dear Cady,

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Yes, 61 is very young. I lost my mom when she
was 59. I don't think you ever recover from the loss of your mother. It does get easier.
Our wonderful memories of our mother's are constantly with us. It gets us through.

Congratulations on your 14 years of remission. I think we never get over the fear of
the cancer returning. It's just part of us now. I will be seeing my oncologist Monday,
Feb 6. I have the same fear as you. Will she find something worrisome in my blood work?
Will something be found in an examination? I have been in remission since Jan 2011. I
am always afraid. You are not alone. Most times I don't think about it, but, the cloud
over my head does return at times.

Please let us know how your doctor visit went. All my prayers your way. Love Maggie

Posts: 6
Joined: Jan 2012

Hi Kelly.
I'm so sorry to read of the loss of your mom. My mom was 59 when she died. Yesterday was her birthday and she would have been 64. So its REALLY on my mind. I can turn to no one like I could turn to her so I know how you feel. I was diagnosed with CLL in October of 2011 so all of these emotions are new to me. I am not requiring any treatment at this point and hope it will stay that way for a long time. I am trying to learn to manage the anxiety of upcoming appointments and testing. I hope you can manage it as well and stay positive. You are not alone.


anliperez915's picture
Posts: 772
Joined: Sep 2011

Definitely not crazy!
Hi Kelly and welcome to the group! Sorry to hear about your mother's passing, my mother passed away when she was 53 it was very sudden but like Miss Maggie mentioned before our memories help us get through the tough times. I'm 35 and was diagnosed with Splenic Marginal Zone Lymphoma stage 4 with tumors in spleen and liver and bone marrow involvement and I also have other health issues. I'm also married with three kids the youngest being a 4yr. old. I just started Rituxan treatment and I have a lot of hope and faith that everything is going to be OK. Cancer has been in your life for a long time and you know what it can do to people, and now that you have a baby you're just scared that you might not be there for her. Have you tried going to a therapist, I started to see one in November because my fears were getting to much for me to handle. I feel better now and I think that just talking about everything that is on your mind will help you get through it. Please take care of yourself try to keep your stress level as low as you can, I know that being stressed out can lower your immune system which can affect your health. Keep us posted.


Posts: 28
Joined: Mar 2011

I ditto everyone else's comments. For me the concerns are always most intense just before a scan or doctor visit. In fact, I sometimes even feel symptomatic in the weeks before my doctor visit...and yet so far my worry and fears have not come to fruition. We have a saying in our house - "don't get ahead of the diagnosis." It is a good one to keep in mind. Hang in there!

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