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No More Chemo

daBeachBum's picture
Posts: 164
Joined: Apr 2011

Hey Gang,

Yesterday I met with my Onc with a large group of my family and girlfriend. It was time for the doc to outline my options after my hospital stay and scans.

Long story short, we decided that since everything we have tried against the C has failed, how miserable the side effects were making me, and in light of my bowel perforation(s)we were going to stop doing chemo and I was going to enter a more palliative phase. I will still get antibacterials and antifungals and get my belly drained as needed, but no more chemo, a lot fewer pills and increased pain meds.

I am at my sisters place now and will probably move to a first floor condo next week very near my mom. My family will take shifts caring for me. They have been beyond great as has been my girlfriend. I am very skinny and weak and but have "Elephant Man" feet, ankles and legs. All-in-all though I am much more comfortable and don't miss continuously throwing up one bit. We have a bunch of us going to the Borgata this Sunday so I can get my gambling fix in :-p i am tending to a lot of details this week to free up time for later.

So, it's prolly weeks or months instead of months or years for me. I hope to make the most of clearing out the chemo drugs and enjoy the good times as long as they last. This may be the last update you get from me, but I have left instructions for someone to update you guys when I go.

Please don't be sad. I'm not. I got my head around this a long time ago. I find it's harder on my family and friends than me. Sorry for the typos, I'm pretty pilled up. I love you all and wish you all the very best in your battles. I have rejoiced in people's gains, mourned at their losses and learned a lot here.

All the best!


Posts: 372
Joined: May 2011

Ray, I read your post with conflicting emotions. I am sad that things have not turned out better for you but glad that you and your family are at peace with your decision. This is a decision that many of us on these boards are going to have to face at some point and it is so helpful to see you make it so calmly and without fear. How blessed you are to have your family at your side and able to be present with you as you travel this new path. May God be with you and carry you through this journey to new life.

Posts: 92
Joined: May 2011

Ray, I have to say you are a very brave man. I have followed you on this forum, all the joy you have borught to us here and keeping your faith up, encouraging us all. I believe that you live your life to the most, bringing positive out of the cancer negative. I felt that I would have enjoyed your company for a lot longer but hey, life doesent always do as we say, right? On the same hand I am happy for you. You have found somewhat peace within you and can live your life left at the most! Peace to you Ray and all my love to you. I am happy that I have known you via this forum. Lots of love to you and your family. See you in heaven!


Posts: 152
Joined: Feb 2011

As I read your update, I wonder how long it will be before our family find ourselves in the same situation, I read your words and felt comforted, you are so brave and so positive about it all, I would be glad to have half the strength of character that you have. Live your life well ray, get those poisons out of your body and feel well, much love to you Ray and your devoted family X

Lovingmymom's picture
Posts: 54
Joined: Nov 2011

For those that have followed your story we are grateful for your candor and unbelieveable courage. I am a caregiver to my mom who has also made it quite clear that there will come a time when she chooses quality over quantity. Decisions we will all face at some time or another. You remain in my thoughts and prayers. Your family and girlfriend should know that there is much love here on this board for you and we will be here for them. Enjoy this time. (black "19" has always brought me luck at the Borgata!)
God's Peace

LaundryQueen's picture
Posts: 682
Joined: Mar 2011

I am saddened to hear the recent news. I appreciate your encouraging words to all of us. I feel you will be at peace when the time comes to leave the planet. You will be missed.

Posts: 147
Joined: Apr 2011

I really think it's a brave decision. Your posts have been an inspiration to me. I can see why you made the decision and why you decided what you did. I will be thinking about you and sending my love to you. :)

Mum2bellaandwilliam's picture
Posts: 414
Joined: Oct 2010

I only have one comment , it was by Linda P on the ovca board," sometimes it is better to preserve the beauty of the time we have left"
Her words really struck A chord with me , I will never forget them , at the time mum was doing everything she could to survive and feeling pretty crappy, I had never looked at it in this way, but it made so much sense. I am glad you are able to do that.
Have fun, all my love Liz xxxx

westie66's picture
Posts: 642
Joined: Jun 2010

Hi Ray: I feel we have been on a similar journey. I'm glad you got to have your European vacation. Peace to you. I'll be thinking of you.

AussieMaddie's picture
Posts: 345
Joined: May 2011

My words (not borrowed):

Live from the heart, see from the heart, hear from the heart, and others will respond always from the heart also.

I find it is healing even when healing is "impossible". No healing is impossible. Redefine "healing".

I don't know if it will be of help to me, but I've just bought the book "Handbook For Mortals - Guidance for people facing serious illness" by Joanne Lynn MD and Joan Harrold MD.

Don't know whether it will help you at all. I seems to me that you already have whatever it is that you need.

I admire you (((( ))))


AussieMaddie's picture
Posts: 345
Joined: May 2011

I never did think that my previous post said truly, simply what I wanted to say:

I admire you.
I respect you.
You are an inspiration to so many of us here, and I'm sure to others in your life - your famiy, your girlfriend, keep with them for the length of their own lives the strength that you provided for them.

To the extent that we take support fro each other, I give to you freely, with love.


Best Friend
Posts: 222
Joined: May 2011

I am just happy you are ok with ur decision. I do not want to get to this with my mom. Will say prayers for you that u enjoy every moment of this time. thanks for sharng ur life wth us!

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