No More Chemo

daBeachBum
daBeachBum Member Posts: 164
edited January 2012 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Hey Gang,

Yesterday I met with my Onc with a large group of my family and girlfriend. It was time for the doc to outline my options after my hospital stay and scans.

Long story short, we decided that since everything we have tried against the C has failed, how miserable the side effects were making me, and in light of my bowel perforation(s)we were going to stop doing chemo and I was going to enter a more palliative phase. I will still get antibacterials and antifungals and get my belly drained as needed, but no more chemo, a lot fewer pills and increased pain meds.

I am at my sisters place now and will probably move to a first floor condo next week very near my mom. My family will take shifts caring for me. They have been beyond great as has been my girlfriend. I am very skinny and weak and but have "Elephant Man" feet, ankles and legs. All-in-all thoughI am much more comfortable and don't miss continuously throwing up one bit. We have a bunch of us going to the Borgata this Sunday so I can get my gambling fix in :-p I am tending to a lot of details this week to free up time for later.

So, it's prolly weeks or months instead of months or years for me. I hope to make the most of clearing out the chemo drugs and enjoy the good times as long as they last. This may be the last update you get from me, but I have left instructions for someone to update you guys when I go.

Please don't be sad. I'm not. I got my head around this a long time ago. I find it's harder on my family and friends than me. Sorry for the typos, I'm pretty pilled up. I love you all and wish you all the very best in your battles. I have rejoiced in people's gains, mourned at their losses and learned a lot here.

All the best!

Ray
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Comments

  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723
    Good luckRay
    I hope your suffering is minimal and you are at peace. Hugs Ron.
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,715 Member
    Update
    While this is not the update that I'd wanted to hear from you, I'm glad that you are at peace with it and will have your family so close to you - that is a very important part of this journey. I'm wishing you a peace during this time and want you to know I've followed your story. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Kim
  • Phoebesnow
    Phoebesnow Member Posts: 600

    Update
    While this is not the update that I'd wanted to hear from you, I'm glad that you are at peace with it and will have your family so close to you - that is a very important part of this journey. I'm wishing you a peace during this time and want you to know I've followed your story. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Kim

    Da beach bum
    I have followed you avidly because I am an asbury park beachbum transported to Malibu. Best of luck to you on this journey, I hope the road is long and easy on the souls of your feet.
  • Carl_Renee
    Carl_Renee Member Posts: 84
    Best Wishes
    This is hard to come back on here and first thing I read. I am glad you are a peace with your decision and that is what does really matter. Peace be with your family as well.

    Carl and Renee
  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    Dear Ray
    You say don't be sad because you aren't but that isn't how it works with friends and family.

    I can understand your decisions and am glad that those closest to you are being supportive as well.

    May the time remaining be pain free and in the company of those you love.

    Many hugs,

    Marie who loves kitties
  • thingy45
    thingy45 Member Posts: 632

    Dear Ray
    You say don't be sad because you aren't but that isn't how it works with friends and family.

    I can understand your decisions and am glad that those closest to you are being supportive as well.

    May the time remaining be pain free and in the company of those you love.

    Many hugs,

    Marie who loves kitties

    Dear Ray,
    Ofcourse we are

    Dear Ray,

    Ofcourse we are all sad to hear your news. Enjoy everyday you have with friends and family.

    Many hugs,
    Marjan
  • wolfen
    wolfen Member Posts: 1,324
    thingy45 said:

    Dear Ray,
    Ofcourse we are

    Dear Ray,

    Ofcourse we are all sad to hear your news. Enjoy everyday you have with friends and family.

    Many hugs,
    Marjan

    Oh, Ray
    I'll try to be only a little bit sad, but mostly I'll be filled with ANGER at this nasty turn of events. You are such a fine person and handling everything so graciously. Please enjoy your time with your family and friends.

    I offer you this Irish blessing:

    May the road rise to meet you.
    May the wind be always at your back.
    May the sun shine upon your face,
    The rains fall upon your fields,
    And, until we meet again,
    May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

    Luv,

    Wolfen
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111
    Ray:
    I wish you peace on comfort on these next steps of your journey. It sounds like you are at peace with your decisions knowing you have done everything you could to fight this monster. It appears you have a wonderful support system surrounding you and may they continue to love you, comfort you and continue to make you smile and enjoy each day.

    If they can, please have them come on and let us know how you are doing. The people on the board care so very much for those with cancer and their caregivers.

    Take care - Tina
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    geotina said:

    Ray:
    I wish you peace on comfort on these next steps of your journey. It sounds like you are at peace with your decisions knowing you have done everything you could to fight this monster. It appears you have a wonderful support system surrounding you and may they continue to love you, comfort you and continue to make you smile and enjoy each day.

    If they can, please have them come on and let us know how you are doing. The people on the board care so very much for those with cancer and their caregivers.

    Take care - Tina

    Ray................
    To the last minute buddy.......enjoy yourself, and when you get where your going, lemme know,....always........buzz
  • Brenda Bricco
    Brenda Bricco Member Posts: 579
    May everyday day be spent
    May everyday day be spent loving those that you love...GOD's blessings to you Ray.
    Brenda
  • tommycat
    tommycat Member Posts: 790
    Awww Ray.............hugs
    Awww Ray.............hugs from California. Remember: You are never alone.
    God bless you.
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    If You're Still Reading...
    Ray

    Thanks for helping show us the way on how to handle the end of life scenario. You are handling it with dignity and courage - 2 traits that I could only hope to possess when my time nears...

    I appreciate hearing your story on what you are facing. I spent the last chapter in my book trying to put myself in this position - and trying to see how I would feel and when 'enough would be enough.' In the end...I still don't know how I will handle it...but seeing you today, gives me another role model and someone to emulate.

    What I find refreshing in you as well as many others who are facing this, is how you all have come to peace with your decision, even knowing the consequences. That quiet contemplation and acceptance of what lies before you, is truly a blessing for all of us - and it gives us a roadmap to steer by so we'll know how to get to where you are.

    Do me one small favor - "Leave the Light On" for the rest of us...

    Enjoy your life free of chemo now - and may you get as many days as you possibly can.

    I'll take this opportunity to say a special "thank you" when you responded to one of my posts last year when I was at an all-time low...you had offered to have me call you as I was in some lonely days then...I thank you for that.

    -Craig
  • Lifeisajourney
    Lifeisajourney Member Posts: 216
    Enjoy
    I found out 1 year ago I had mets to liver. Tried resection, didn't work. Declined chemo. I thought I would be gone by now. I am tired, don't do a lot, but I am alive, and my family likes that. So we just don't know what will happen. Onc sees me about every 6 weeks,just got a new GP. Going to get my teeth cleaned today. We are all different, but enjoy. I felt I was going to be gone by now and started to live that way....hey I am still here and making it...tomorrow, who knows.....not any of us......God bless and think positive..Pat
  • MrsJP
    MrsJP Member Posts: 157
    Thinking of you
    You have been an inspiration to me...sending peaceful thoughts your way.
    jp
  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571
    We all walk the same journey...
    and ultimately come to the clearing at the end of the path. Walking the last twists and turns with dignity and courage is a great gift, and I wish it for you, and for all of us when we reach that stage of the journey. I hope you have many months filled with peace and love. Ann
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331

    We all walk the same journey...
    and ultimately come to the clearing at the end of the path. Walking the last twists and turns with dignity and courage is a great gift, and I wish it for you, and for all of us when we reach that stage of the journey. I hope you have many months filled with peace and love. Ann

    don't know what to say my friend.
    HUGS!
  • LivinginNH
    LivinginNH Member Posts: 1,456
    God bless you always....
    Cyn



    God bless you always....

    Cyn
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900
    just peace my friend
    hi ray,

    whats to say, just i hpoe your days are full or peace and love.
    if the pain gets serious, remember a little peaceful deep breathing can do wonders, believe it or not. some call it meditation, works well with medication as well.

    hugs,
    Pete
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900
    just peace my friend
    hi ray,

    whats to say, just i hpoe your days are full or peace and love.
    if the pain gets serious, remember a little peaceful deep breathing can do wonders, believe it or not. some call it meditation, works well with medication as well.

    hugs,
    Pete
  • tko683
    tko683 Member Posts: 264
    Sad to hear this news
    Ray,
    I am sad to hear your news but glad you are at peace with it. You have such a great sense of humor about cancer which i find inspiring. I pray that being off chemo will allow you to feel better and enjoy your family....God bless!
    Hugs,
    Teri