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I am trying to stay sane.

Posts: 150
Joined: Mar 2011

I guess this is the place. I posted a month ago about my husband talking about death. Well, every week-maybe once, he talks about dying. Then suddenly he starts talking of all of these plans about going places and doing things around the house. Last two weeks he started talking about how he wants his funeral. Then one day he talked about the picture he wanted on the obituary. He told me he wanted me to tell the entire story of his life. Ok, then the next week, he makes all of these plans. It drives me crazy, because I don't know what to think. Is this normal? I try to prepare myself mentally, then suddenly...I am on another rollercoaster. I don't think people realize the psychological effect on the caregiver. People come up to him and tell him how God is going to heal him...that's good, but I just don't understand. Some told my mother the same thing...and she died. That makes me soooooooooooo angry. Does anyone understand?

Posts: 35
Joined: Dec 2011

Hi Jackie. My heart sincerely goes out to you. I'm not Ghandi so I can't give you some supportive profound words that will give you clarity in all of this but what I can offer is support in all of this as someone who truly understands what you are going through. I learned pretty quickly with my mom that there is no way we will ever understand what runs through their minds privately in regard to dealing with a disease that has invaded their bodies and suddenly they are really facing their own mortality. Their minds are electric with so many thoughts. I took on two roles. One was to be her care provider but the other was the role of passenger on her journey. In other words I was there to accompany her while she put her hands on the steering wheel and whatever winding path she went on for that particular day I was just there to let her know I support her in whatever it is she wished or spoke about. Yes, you do feel like your brain is being pulled like taffy with all the things they say from day to day and even hour to hour but just remember... accompany them. I wish so much each day I had a shirt with writing on it to point out to strangers who mean well just how stupid and annoying some of their comments are. I'm still dealing with this even after my mother passed away. Your thoughts aren't a suggestion you are going insane. Every thing you are experiencing is normal and I say that because YES I do understand. You are not alone.

KLScoville's picture
Posts: 161
Joined: Mar 2011

My husband told all his coworkers (once he got diagnosed) that "it has been nice knowing you". Then one day he was talking to the hospice nurses stating that he was going to be around for years and years to come and he would take care of the lawn (the dilusion of being sick) my husband also gave me hints about his final wishes which I abliged to. One week before he passed he told me that "I am going soon" and I laid with him for hours. The next week he passed. Listen to him and take everything to heart and to stride. Respect his wishes as ridiculous as some may sound. My husband hated funeral homes so I made sure that everything was taken care of outside of the funeral home. I knew what he liked even though we have only been married for 6 years. I took everything that he said to me to heart. I miss him terribly since he has left me but I will tell you that I listened to him and he left in style and the celebration for him was wonderful. If he was looking down at me from heaven he would of been real proud!!! Take care!!


RIP Mark Scoville 11/14/11 NCSLC w/ mets

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