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How to tell my 26 YO daughter w/ Stage IIIC1 recurrent Endometrial Cancer I have been diagnosed w/ Vulva Cancer?

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Joined: Jan 2012

I sit here in the hospital on a cot...day 27 inpatient for my 26 year old daughter, typing this message. She just had a bowel resection last week as a result of radiation damage from her treatment for the Stage IIIC1 Endometrial Cancer she was diagnosed with in September 2010 just days before her 25th birthday. December 6th, following her appointment when we learned remission is over and her cancer has recurred in her para aortic lymph nodes, we were headed to her assigned bed on the 5th floor, waiting for the elevator. When the doors opened, MY Urogynecologist and his partner were there. I had cancelled my appointment with him that day and rescheduled for the next week. He said he needed to talk to me for a minute as he would be out of the office for a few days. The biopsy he did the previous week was back as SCC Vulva cancer. No where in my mind did I think that was what he wanted to tell me. I expected him to say he found my mesh erosion. So, there I was, my daughter, mother, and husband around the corner waiting for the elevator. In a daze, I got her admitted and went home...she wanted to be alone that firat night. She hasn't been alone since...I have been here every night of the past 26 except the two following surgery when she was in ICU, and one other when my mom stayed. My daughter has been through hell in the last 9 months with the pain associated with what they just corrected and unresolved left hip pain. Finally eating again, without vomiting, tomorrow is the day we go home...via Grandma's house for the traditional New Year's feast. (Christmas for us will be next week sometime.)

Her dad died ten years ago from colon cancer at 37. She has HNPCC/Lynch Syndrome we thought was from her dad, although he was never tested for Lynch. So, how do I tell her I have cancer and will be going to see an oncologist next week to determine tests for staging and treatment? I also will have the genetic testing done. She has been depressed, but is anxious to get home. She only moved home four months ago when her "partner" clearly wasn't taking care of her. Packing her belongings and putting them into storage was emotionally defeating for her. She is now on 4MG IV dilaudid every 2 hours, plus 200mcg Fentanyl patches, plus Naproxen for left hip/back pain. Since her dad died, she has always said it was just the two of us to take care of each other. I have been with her every step along her journey, from biopsy to diagnosis to treatment and all of the in between. I want to tell her because she will find out anyway...I won't be able to keep it from her long. I just don't want her to become more withdrawn. I hope it will put her back in fight mode.

Any suggestions? There are so many articles on how to tell your family/children, but I haven't found any that cover our situation. I can't put it off much longer.

Thanks and Happy New Year to everyone! Kick cancer's butt in 2012!

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