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Mom is actively dying

Barbara53's picture
Posts: 658
Joined: Aug 2009

The first thing we learned from our hospice nurse was that death is an individual process, as unique as the person themselves. My mother has always needed to control everything, and giving up control has been what the last several days have been about. Our hospice nurse was more concerned about Mom’s sudden disinterest in laundry (previously an obsession) than the itching caused by her underperforming liver. I think active dying has begun. Yesterday Mom threw her walker across the room in anger, today she only wants to sleep.

All words of wisdom for these precious moments are welcome. She has no unfinished business personal or otherwise and is surrounded by a large, imperfect but basically happy family.
She is 81 and has battled ovarian cancer for three years after a very blessed life.

ddpekks's picture
Posts: 162
Joined: Sep 2011

With what sounds like a lovely Mother for half your life. I lost mine 34 years ago when she was only 62 (just a year older than me right now). You have been such a blessing to her also. You have cared for her, loved her and walked with her through this horrible cancer riddled journey every step of the way. I know it is going to be hard for you to let her go, but let her go you must and when she is ready she will leave your physical world. But she will never leave your heart.

Squeeze these last few precious moments for all they are worth.

Thoughts and prayers are with you Barbara, and we are here for you.


Posts: 150
Joined: Mar 2011

from your mother's presence right now. Last year this time, my mother was actively dying. She would keep us up all night long rubbing her back. She suffered so much. Mom had colon with mets to her lungs, pancreas and heart. There were days she would practically cuss us out, and cry and tell us how much she loves us in the same breath . The process itself is phenomenal! As sad as it can be, it is also a good thing. I know the pain is there, but when you know that soon there will be no more pain, and this cancer thing is truly defeated, if you know what I mean--peace will come. But everyone's process is different. In the end, my mother was this sweet beautiful woman who I loved so much---but I had to let her go and be at rest. Hang in there. We all have to go through this---I think that we are more bless to have the opportunity to walk through it--not a sudden thing, you know. Praying with you all this season.

Cindy Bear
Posts: 570
Joined: Jul 2009

Your mother is blessed to have a daughter like you. What a comfort you've been to her Barbara. It's been a helluva ride hasn't it. A roller coaster. I have to chuckle when you said she picked up her walker and thru it across the room. She sounds pretty feisty.
As much as you don't want her to suffer, and as much as the end is close, you're never really ready to hear those words, "she's gone" So just spend what time you can with her, tell her how much you love her and savor these last few days/weeks.. like a glass of wine, savor every drop.
Big hugs and prayers for you and your mom.

Posts: 710
Joined: Mar 2010

I can't say anything that you don't already know. Hold her hand, express your love. Make her as comfortable as you can. I wish you strength, and peace.

Take care

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