Recognize a multi-year battle

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menright
menright Member Posts: 256 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1
So I have now been battling cancer for 38 months. Colon to liver to lung. Radiation/Chemo/colon surgery/liver resection/lung ablation/lung resection.

At what point do you recognize this is a long-term battle for which death will ultimately be the end??????????

I started out as Stage IV with progression from the colon to the liver. This was not a good place to start. I ignored the potential of death and began the fight. I deny death as an option.

I now wonder if this is the right and appropriate way. Those who have lost their battle may well have recognized the end long before it came. Is this what I should pursue and work then to make the best of what I have left?

Troublesome to have to stare death in the face.

Thoughts????


Mike

Comments

  • Brenda Bricco
    Brenda Bricco Member Posts: 579 Member
    #2
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    I am sorry you are in such a
    I am sorry you are in such a unsure place but I think you might want to keep on keeping on. You have come so far...why stop now? We never know what new treatment might just be a cure... You are so young! :) Ultimatley it is your choice and if my husband ever makes that decision I will be devastated for sure. I sure hope he never has to make that choice but if he does I will love him through it all.
    Tomorrow is a new day and I hope you wake up wanting to fight!
    God's blesssings to you.
    Brenda
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #3
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    Hi Mike
    This coming February I will be living with cancer for 8 years. We still talk cure although I've been in constant treatment with the exception of a two month break here and there. I've had all of the things you've had done with the exception of radiation. Many people live with a chronic illness. It seems this is something that people with cancer can now do too.

    EVERYONE dies Mike, not just people who have/had cancer. I have tried to view it as a wake up call more than as a death sentence...
    I think you will be the one to ultimately decide how you chose to view your cancer situation.
    -phil
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #4
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    PhillieG said:

    Hi Mike
    This coming February I will be living with cancer for 8 years. We still talk cure although I've been in constant treatment with the exception of a two month break here and there. I've had all of the things you've had done with the exception of radiation. Many people live with a chronic illness. It seems this is something that people with cancer can now do too.

    EVERYONE dies Mike, not just people who have/had cancer. I have tried to view it as a wake up call more than as a death sentence...
    I think you will be the one to ultimately decide how you chose to view your cancer situation.
    -phil

    Phil
    See, there's that voice of reason again, Phil- lol :)

    Mike, I completely agree with what Phil said. No one knows what will happen.

    Take care...

    Lisa
  • tanstaafl
    tanstaafl Member Posts: 1,313 Member
    #5
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    (Not) waiting for Godot
    It's easy to get discouraged when there are recurrences. The important thing is to prevent metastasis and get effective treatments when things recur.

    I've felt that people aren't getting good anti-metastasis advice, at least between treatments like chemo and surgery, as there's not much officially approved on supplements where we've been waiting 20-30-40-50 years for Godot. We aim for molecular targets, with ammo similar to the LEF protocols' recommendations and more. It is amazing to compare the megabuck treatments for side effects, cost and effect with the natural and low toxicity generic therapies.

    We're not "tweeners" though, my wife uses her "targeted" supplements and off label generics full time while on chemo, and changed to a better low carb diet. Long term, periodic surgical tune ups might be necessary, but limiting new mets seems to be the name of the game.
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #6
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    Mike
    As strange as it sounds - you've already answered all of your questions in this post.

    "At what point do you recognize this is a long-term battle for which death will ultimately be the end??????????"

    I'd say, right about now. You're turning that corner in your cancer fight, where you are becoming "Aware" of what you really face. When you look in the mirror, you are scared at the reflection that is staring back - your mortality.

    "I ignored the potential of death and began the fight. I deny death as an option. now wonder if this is the right and appropriate way?"

    It's not only the right way - it's the only way. And here's why, Mike. Because, you are not near the point of having to wave the white flag just yet....there will be time for that, if it gets to that point. And yes, I think we will all know when that point does come. We may not know the exact time, but we'll probably be in the ballpark.

    As for now, you've been hammered, no mistaking it. But, you've still got good quality of life and alot of fight still in you. What I do like seeing in you, is your mental acceptance of where you are in your cancer experience - and that you are now beginning to see beyond the initial "I've got cancer - let's do it - and get back to my normal life" way of thinking.

    I've watched you for 2.5 years and I've personally seen the maturation in your thought process and have witnessed alot of personal growth in you, especially in this post.

    When I first started to talk to you, you were green and thought like the rest of us did, when we first started out. I got it - I'm gonna beat it - end of story. I was about 5+ years in and I could just see the difference in our mindsets at that time.

    Reading this post today, I've seen how far you've come - and I hope that the growth continues.

    "Is this what I should pursue and work then to make the best of what I have left?"

    You already know the answer here, Mike.

    "Troublesome to have to stare death in the face."

    Right again, Mike. But, in alot of ways it's a good thing too. Knowing our futures might not hold all of the promise as that of someone without cancer is always sobering. However, it is that "Razor's Edge" that we walk along that keeps our minds sharp and our perspectives honed.

    I think that this is cancer's biggest benefit - it awakens our senses to the possibilities of what might not be, so that we can seize the opportunity to take today and turn it into something that will be.

    Hey, and stay out of the path of that Bus, that Phil is driving - don't wanna kick cancer **** and then get run over:)

    Take it easy, Mike.....I'm just up the road from you...90-months and 3-recurrences...and still here to talk to you today:)

    -Craig
  • Ted Jones
    Ted Jones Member Posts: 5
    #7
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    Multi year battle
    I was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. a sesille polyp 1cm in size. Was going to get surgery since MD and surgeon said this was small and surgery should take care of it. Reguested a CT scan first that showed a couple of undefined spots on my liver and the top in one area looked enlarged. Had an MRI today and awaiting results which I have this bad feeling about.

    I have always been amazed at the people who fight on and on for years against this horrible enemy. Since my initial diagnosis I have pondered the "what should I do" questions. The cost of the surgery, chemo and what ever else has to beyond what we can afford. The other choice is live out your life the best you can without the surgery and sickness chemo provides. I have know people that have chosen both paths and were happy with them.

    i am honored to have found this discussion board and the inspiration that many of you provide.

    Menright- I wish you the very best in what you decide. I admire your courage.
  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 Member Posts: 2,215 Member
    #8
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    I have been battling it for
    I have been battling it for over 6 years. I too was initially diagnosed stage IV with a met on my liver. I had colon and liver resection. 2 years later another spot showed up on my liver. I had another resection. That was over 4 years ago. I had always maintained that I was going to be cured and denied death. In October they found anoth huge tumor in my liver again after 4 years. This time they took the whole right lobe and part of my diaphram. I have had a lot more thoughts of death this time including in the hospital evan though the surgery went well. I am now back in fighting mode as I recover. I think Phil is right that this is now often looked at as a chronic disease.

    I thinkd the answer is no about death. I do not fear it but I will not accept it. I think the minute you accept the possibility you have given up a little and strengthen the cancer. I will do everything in my power to not die of cancer for spite against the disease and all of the statistics.

    Jeff
  • menright
    menright Member Posts: 256 Member
    #9
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    Sundanceh said:

    Mike
    As strange as it sounds - you've already answered all of your questions in this post.

    "At what point do you recognize this is a long-term battle for which death will ultimately be the end??????????"

    I'd say, right about now. You're turning that corner in your cancer fight, where you are becoming "Aware" of what you really face. When you look in the mirror, you are scared at the reflection that is staring back - your mortality.

    "I ignored the potential of death and began the fight. I deny death as an option. now wonder if this is the right and appropriate way?"

    It's not only the right way - it's the only way. And here's why, Mike. Because, you are not near the point of having to wave the white flag just yet....there will be time for that, if it gets to that point. And yes, I think we will all know when that point does come. We may not know the exact time, but we'll probably be in the ballpark.

    As for now, you've been hammered, no mistaking it. But, you've still got good quality of life and alot of fight still in you. What I do like seeing in you, is your mental acceptance of where you are in your cancer experience - and that you are now beginning to see beyond the initial "I've got cancer - let's do it - and get back to my normal life" way of thinking.

    I've watched you for 2.5 years and I've personally seen the maturation in your thought process and have witnessed alot of personal growth in you, especially in this post.

    When I first started to talk to you, you were green and thought like the rest of us did, when we first started out. I got it - I'm gonna beat it - end of story. I was about 5+ years in and I could just see the difference in our mindsets at that time.

    Reading this post today, I've seen how far you've come - and I hope that the growth continues.

    "Is this what I should pursue and work then to make the best of what I have left?"

    You already know the answer here, Mike.

    "Troublesome to have to stare death in the face."

    Right again, Mike. But, in alot of ways it's a good thing too. Knowing our futures might not hold all of the promise as that of someone without cancer is always sobering. However, it is that "Razor's Edge" that we walk along that keeps our minds sharp and our perspectives honed.

    I think that this is cancer's biggest benefit - it awakens our senses to the possibilities of what might not be, so that we can seize the opportunity to take today and turn it into something that will be.

    Hey, and stay out of the path of that Bus, that Phil is driving - don't wanna kick cancer **** and then get run over:)

    Take it easy, Mike.....I'm just up the road from you...90-months and 3-recurrences...and still here to talk to you today:)

    -Craig

    Kindly reply
    Craig:

    Thanhks for the reply. We are together in this blasted fight. It helps to connect with others on the journey.

    "RAZOR'S EDGE" was a great movie from long ago. Do you remember it? Bill Murray maybe. Excellent point though.

    Thanks,

    Mike

    PS You should write a book!
  • menright
    menright Member Posts: 256 Member
    #10
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    janderson1964 said:

    I have been battling it for
    I have been battling it for over 6 years. I too was initially diagnosed stage IV with a met on my liver. I had colon and liver resection. 2 years later another spot showed up on my liver. I had another resection. That was over 4 years ago. I had always maintained that I was going to be cured and denied death. In October they found anoth huge tumor in my liver again after 4 years. This time they took the whole right lobe and part of my diaphram. I have had a lot more thoughts of death this time including in the hospital evan though the surgery went well. I am now back in fighting mode as I recover. I think Phil is right that this is now often looked at as a chronic disease.

    I thinkd the answer is no about death. I do not fear it but I will not accept it. I think the minute you accept the possibility you have given up a little and strengthen the cancer. I will do everything in my power to not die of cancer for spite against the disease and all of the statistics.

    Jeff

    Fight on
    Thanks for the reply. Fight the Good Fight!

    Mike
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #11
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    The future
    Hey, Mike.

    I think it's good to think about eventual possibilities, but also to consign them to way far in the future. That's pretty much what we've done since Bill had the sudden cardiac arrest. We plan for the future in a more pronounced way than we did before, but we don't accept that anything bad has to happen right now.

    My diagnosis was early, as you know, but the fact that I've had cancer also has changed our mindset somewhat.

    But I sure want you to know that it is possible for you to live a long time with this!

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • crazylady
    crazylady Member Posts: 543 Member
    #12
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    chronic disease
    Hi Mike,

    I have been in treatment for cancer for most of the last 7.5 years. Originally diagnosed stage 2 i have had lung mets for the last 6 years. I have refused to think of myself as sick. I think of cancer as this annoying thing that has changed my life and that I will have to deal with forever. I think it was Elizabeth Edward's that said the only difference between her and cancer free people was that she knew what she would die from whereas others did not.

    My latest scans were not good showing that I now have a tumor on my adrenal gland and that the lung tumors grew and multiplied. I have run out of chemo options and am now looking into drug trials. I am pretty sure that at some point cancer will kill me, but I am more interested in living the best life I can for as long as I can. I try to live every day as though it were my last which is what I think everyone should do anyway.

    I think you can recognize a life long battle and still live your life, continue the fight and deny death.

    Take care and Happy Holidays,
    Jamie

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