Christmas BAD news

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menright
menright Member Posts: 256 Member
edited December 2011 in Colorectal Cancer #1
UPDATE:

I let my wife and kids know and what a pleasant suprise. They embraced the news and offered up their support to get through this next chemo adventure. I guess my concerns were unfounded...whew!

I will tell my extended family later as the treatment plan comes together and I have answers before the questions.

Thanks to all that offered up their opinions. It helped me do the right thing.



So I recently completed a scan and was told I have blood clots and needed to treat them immediately. This was a shock but I can deal with it. I went on to ask if the scan (CT/PET) was clear otherwise. I was told by my oncologist's Nurse Practioner that the scan was clear, NED. On this I shared with family and friends, CLEAR scan just some pesky blood clots.

I went in for a follow-up for the blood clots and I am then told, I have a PET indication on my left lung and I will need chemo likely followed by a lung resection! Ughhhh!

So here is my question. I will be gathering with my family for Christmas. I am planning on keeping this bad news until December 26th. Should I do this?

I would love to hear your various points of view. I am struggling with my plan.

Part of my reason for delay is that I have an appointment this Thursday to review the treatment plan. My case is going in front of the Tumor board on Tuesday.

What a mess!

I look forward to your sharing of similar stories and any advice.

Thanks,

Mike

Comments

  • Brenda Bricco
    Brenda Bricco Member Posts: 579 Member
    #2
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    Hi Mike,
    I first want to say
    Hi Mike,
    I first want to say that it is so nice of you to want to spare any upset on Christmas for family, you must be a very selfless person. I must also tell you that if my husband kept info like this from me I would be very upset. I may not be able to make any difference but I know that telling someone would have to give you some relief (by emotional support and prayer). I am not suggesting that you tell all of your loved ones before or on Christmas but please tell your spouse. I am sure they would want to share the weight of all this with you. Just my thoughts. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. God's blessings.
    Brenda
  • menright
    menright Member Posts: 256 Member
    #3
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    Brenda Bricco said:

    Hi Mike,
    I first want to say
    Hi Mike,
    I first want to say that it is so nice of you to want to spare any upset on Christmas for family, you must be a very selfless person. I must also tell you that if my husband kept info like this from me I would be very upset. I may not be able to make any difference but I know that telling someone would have to give you some relief (by emotional support and prayer). I am not suggesting that you tell all of your loved ones before or on Christmas but please tell your spouse. I am sure they would want to share the weight of all this with you. Just my thoughts. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. God's blessings.
    Brenda

    Thanks
    We think alike. My wife has been my rock and I need her now!

    Mike
  • z
    z Member Posts: 1,414 Member
    #4
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    Mike
    I think you should share with your family, as you would want them to share with you. There are other survivors who have regular surgery's on the lungs or radiation to rid the tumors, so the fact that they want to do surgery is great. I had a lobectomy and it was very tolerable and it got rid of the cancer. I wish you will be able to figure all this out soon. Lori
  • smokeyjoe
    smokeyjoe Member Posts: 1,425 Member
    #5
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    z said:

    Mike
    I think you should share with your family, as you would want them to share with you. There are other survivors who have regular surgery's on the lungs or radiation to rid the tumors, so the fact that they want to do surgery is great. I had a lobectomy and it was very tolerable and it got rid of the cancer. I wish you will be able to figure all this out soon. Lori

    With the blood clots there
    With the blood clots there I wonder how they can tell the difference between what's happening with the clot and whether a spot is cancer or if it's blood clot? Maybe they explained this to you.
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #6
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    Share
    Share this news with your wife. By not telling her is not going to change anything but like said in a previous post, you will have lifted that burden somewhat by telling her. I'd feel hurt also if my husband didn't tell me. It is good that they can do surgery. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas.

    Kim
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    #7
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    Annabelle41415 said:

    Share
    Share this news with your wife. By not telling her is not going to change anything but like said in a previous post, you will have lifted that burden somewhat by telling her. I'd feel hurt also if my husband didn't tell me. It is good that they can do surgery. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas.

    Kim

    Mike
    ahhh Mike I am so sorry you got this bad news....especially at this time of year.

    Everyone is different but I would say whole-heartedly share with your family. I know your intent is kind in wanting to shield them and save them some pain....but I really think the truth is best....

    Our family has been so open about the cancer right from the getgo....Like Kim i think your spouse would be more hurt than feeling relief you did not tell her....

    just sayin.....do what you think is best Mike and all the best to you

    maggie
  • lauragb
    lauragb Member Posts: 370 Member
    #8
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    I'm in agreement with the
    I'm in agreement with the other folks. Let the family know. It's not good for you to keep it to yourself. I would be upset the day after Christmas if I found out I had a family member going through that alone on Christmas.
    My heart goes out to you.
    Sending you light.
    Laura
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member
    #9
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    lauragb said:

    I'm in agreement with the
    I'm in agreement with the other folks. Let the family know. It's not good for you to keep it to yourself. I would be upset the day after Christmas if I found out I had a family member going through that alone on Christmas.
    My heart goes out to you.
    Sending you light.
    Laura

    I would share it , but just with a few members,like wife, but
    I wouldn't say anything to boys or parents that's what I use to do , then I explain them little by little and in an optimistic way!.
    Anyway I'm sure the decision you take it's going to be the correct one!.
    Praying for you , hugs my friend!
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #10
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    Go Past the 26th...and Keep Goin' until 2012
    Well, Mike

    The old adage, "What they don't know - won't hurt them" could certainly apply in this case.

    I would probably tell my wife and let the rest of the clan ride until the new year turned over. By that time, you've got the plan in place and a new sense of direction....then you could spill the beans.

    A couple of weeks really wouldn't make too much of a difference....and it's not like you wouldn't be telling them, just waiting to unwrap that last package at a later date.

    It's been well over 30-years since I've had any family to 'gather around' and I certainly don't understand the dynamics of your family relationship. Your relationship with your family might be warm and loving - I don't have a relationship like that and even if I did, my people are emotionally vacant and would therefore, be of little value to me.

    So, therein lies the difference.

    I think if I were in yours or any other person's shoes, I would just enjoy the fellowship and build a great memory and let Xmas 2011 speak for itself. After that, you could just tell them what they need to know - you don't even have to say how long you have known.

    I would just hate to have a family holiday marked with an asterick. If I had back the loving part of my family, well........I just don't know.....they have been deceased for so long now.

    You can't change the fact about what the future holds, but you do have control on how you handle the holidays.

    But, only you know best, Mike. Maybe with your case, it would be spiritual and bonding in nature. We're never guaranteed to see another holiday season, not with the lives we have to lead.

    Sleep on it - get your report - and then I'm sure it will come to you in a moment of holiday clarity. There really is no wrong or right there - just what you feel comfortable with, based on the relationships that you possess.

    I wish you all the best with your decision.

    -Craig
  • Matthewsmom1
    Matthewsmom1 Member Posts: 20
    #11
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    I'm so sorry that you
    I'm so sorry that you received bad news. I was diagnosed with my 2nd cancer (colon) on December 19, 2010. There was no way I could keep that news from my family. They would have taken one look at me and known something was wrong. Share with them, and let them start supporting you. Stay positive!
  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    #12
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    Hi Mike
    I got my initial diagnosis 2 years ago this week...like you a not so good Christmas gift.

    I have no spouse or significant other, but decided to not tell my grown children and my aged parents until after the holidays and after I had a plan in place.

    I think sharing this with the wife is a good idea and let her help you determine if anyone else really needs to know until after the holidays.

    Wishing you the best on the 'telling' front as well as with treatments.

    Marie who loves kitties
  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    #13
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    Oops
    double post
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #14
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    Oh
    Oh, Mike. I'm so sorry you got this nasty surprise! I, too, think you should go ahead and tell the family. They'll likely be discussing your recent test, and it would be hard to lie to them if they think you got decent news.

    Praying for you and hoping you'll be able to have a nice Christmas, despite this turn of events.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    #15
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    Mike
    Sending you hugs, and I hope you have told your family.
  • taraHK
    taraHK Member Posts: 1,952 Member
    #16
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    so sorry
    So sorry about this lousy news, Mike -- and the timing. I believe in sharing information with family/close friends -- as I would want them to share it with me. However, as others have said, only you know your own family and the dynamics....

    Have just been going through similar struggles myself with whether or not to tell my sons before or after they get on the plane to come see me. In the end, you have to follow your heart.

    I will be thinking of you during this joyous but bittersweet holiday period.

    Tara
  • menright
    menright Member Posts: 256 Member
    #17
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    taraHK said:

    so sorry
    So sorry about this lousy news, Mike -- and the timing. I believe in sharing information with family/close friends -- as I would want them to share it with me. However, as others have said, only you know your own family and the dynamics....

    Have just been going through similar struggles myself with whether or not to tell my sons before or after they get on the plane to come see me. In the end, you have to follow your heart.

    I will be thinking of you during this joyous but bittersweet holiday period.

    Tara

    Xmas news
    Tara:

    We are definitely similar. I wish you well.

    Mike
  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    #18
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    As a caregiver, I am sure
    As a caregiver, I am sure that someone should. Know. At least one person is frquently with you$ Blood clots are tricky and it may Be helpful if someone knows what's going on in case you cannot speak for yourself.
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    #19
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    its your call
    hi mike,

    i just let it all hang out, but that me.
    to be honest and real to my wife and kids is what i do, well the kids come and hug me every morning and every night now. its nice, feeling loved as a father. those positive emotions are anticancer as well by the way, read molecules of emotion by candice pert if your itnerested.

    i kiss their heads and think this stupid cancer picked the wrong body, it has not got a chance. i have to admit its a tough bugger to beat though.

    whatever you decide i just hope you have a peaceful xmass.
    so make your mindup and be at peace with your decision.

    hugs,
    Pete

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