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Joined: Mar 2011

Someone came and stayed with hubby for 3 hours this afternoon, so that I could leave and
get some Christmas shopping done. I came home without buying a single gift. I just couldn't wrap my brain around it. All I can do is worry about how sick he is.
Too late to order gifts online, I am running out of options. How can I shake this sadness, and get some Christmas cheer? Any ideas? Brenda

tommycat's picture
Posts: 790
Joined: Aug 2011

Just a thought...maybe when you accept this year is going to be very different than last year, you will find some peace? When I tried to make a square peg fit in a round hole, things of course didn't work right and I was left unhappy and unfulfilled.
Maybe plan a completely different Christmas...perhaps no gifts this year and save up the money to splurge when your husband gets better? Perhaps a quiet Christmas and Christmas Eve, doing whatever you do to feel rested (take-out food, movies, quiet music).
When you let go of the "shoulds," all of a sudden it is possible to enjoy things as they are.
Be easy on yourself~

Lovekitties's picture
Posts: 3372
Joined: Jan 2010

Christmas gifts don't have to come from the store in a box with shinning paper and bow.

Some of the best ones I ever got were gifts from the heart.

If there are some folks that you really want to 'gift' then how about making some homemade cookies and/or cakes and putting them in a nice tin...my dollar store has some pretty ones. Include the receipe card. One advantage to this is it makes the house smell great!

Or how about a box with the dry ingredients for a favorite receipe...along with instructions on how to make it.

If you have some family receipes you are willing to share, a little handmade booklet of them will mean a lot.

If all else fails, make up some 'coupons' for things to be done or gotten in the future.

Another thing that makes the 'gift' special is thinking up 'different' ways of wrapping. This year for my grandkids the 'wrappings' includes a plastic bucket, plastic containers which originally came with something else in it, and even paper grocery bags. It was much more fun for me (and I am sure will be for them) to come up with these ideas than just wrapping a box.

The best gift you can give anyone you care about is your love.

Hugs and Best wishes for a great Christmas,

Marie who loves kitties

karen40's picture
Posts: 211
Joined: Aug 2011

It sounds like your overwhelmed. First off, let's knock out the Christmas gifts with gift cards. Most retail store, movie theaters,and even restaurants offer gift cards. I know Walgreens and Walmart offer prepaid visa and master cards. My teenage boys loved receiving this as a gift. They did their own online shopping. I know it's not personal but under the circumstances, they'll understand. Just my thoughts.
As for relaxing, do you have a girlfriend or a group of friends that you can share a glass of wine with? I know it helps me to get together with the girlfriends. Another idea: Sit back, relax and listen to some Christmas music. Find your favorite songs on you tube. Music always cheers me up. I hope this helps a little.

Posts: 753
Joined: Apr 2011

What always makes me sad around this time of year, is seeing the stress on people in regards to buying presents. I just don't get into all of that. I do, however, get a lot of pleasure in seeing the community come together in helping out local community charities, in one way or another. THAT is uplifting.
If you feel like there are people you must buy for (and that is understandable), how do you feel about gift certificates? Everyone likes that, and that would be easy on you.... BUT.... I think it would be safe to say, Brenda, that everyone would rather see you take care of yourself and don't over do it. You've had a lot going on.
I hope you and your husband can enjoy this season as much as possible. I don't have many suggestions, but sometimes just doing simple things is absolutely the best!! What I focus on is the reason for the season, and the incredible, incredible, story. And, even just watching a good, deep, meaningful movie about that is very satisfying. Hugs to you both.

annalexandria's picture
Posts: 2573
Joined: Oct 2011

if you want to give folks gift cards, many stores (like Target and Amazon) allow you to buy them online and print them at home. That's what I did for my son's bus driver. Another easy option is to give a charitable donation in someone's name, esp if you're buying for adults who already have all they need. I donated a flock of twenty chicks to a person in a 3rd world country, in the name of my son's teacher (via Heifer Organization). That's another one that allows you to print a cute card at home for the person you're giving it to. Finally, I guess I would say just go easy on yourself. I've been dealing with chemo and/or surgery around the holidays for three years now, and have finally figured out that I can't do everything that I used to do, and that I need to just focus on what is most important. So maybe just decide what would make you and your husband feel best, and do that. Don't worry about other people too much, especially in terms of gift-giving, I'm sure everyone understands that you have bigger things going on in your life this year! Wishing you a peaceful holiday season, and hope for better in the future. Ann

wolfen's picture
Posts: 1330
Joined: Apr 2009

Christmas shopping in itself can be stressful, much less trying to do it when your hubby is so ill. We understand your feelings. And as Ann said, I'm sure your family understands too.

In years past, to escape my own reality, I would go the the mall and take two "angels" off the trees. I would choose a boy and a girl(usually under 1 year old), and then go to a couple of stores and purchase gifts for them. I just loved buying the tiny outfits.
After returning the purchases to the "angel tree" area, I would be filled with just a little more Christmas spirit. It's just a thought.....

Hoping your husband will soon show improvement,



Annabelle41415's picture
Posts: 6722
Joined: Feb 2009

My heart feels for you. When diagnosed on December 1 that was so hard, didn't want to do anything or get anyone anything, but picked my spirit up by praying. Not sure if that will work for you, but you have my prayers now. May you find some joy in this Christmas season. For us that has been diagnosed close to these holidays it is awful. It is so hard, even when you fake it. I'm still faking it 3 years later. The Christmas season gives me so much hope, but always remembering what it was. God Bless you and hope your next venture out is much better.

Hugs! Kim

plh4gail's picture
Posts: 1238
Joined: Oct 2010

Yes, it's a different kind of Christmas. Different feelings are there. There is fear, anger, anticipation, but also there is thankfull and grateful although they may be hiding. Last year was my first Christmas with cancer, I was on my second folfox treatment 3 days before Christmas Eve. My oldest 2 kids were 23 & 25 and had not spent a Christmas with their Dad in a long time. They see him and talk to him often but he lives a few hours away and it just never happened. Well, last Christmas I asked him to spend the holiday with us, which included being there for our son's birthday on the 27th when friends and family went out to dinner. It made my/our kids and him so happy. It was such a peaceful feeling. And I don't know why. And it makes me teary now to think about it. It was just so important for me to have my loved ones at ease and know what was important was celebrating the moments.


Posts: 428
Joined: Jul 2011

You echo my thoughts for Christmas this year. I think it is due to anger about our situation and seeing others able to celebrate without the fear of "last Christmas". All this makes me feel extremely selfish and guilty. I rationally know the reason for the season isn't about me. I just need to coerce my emotions to catch up to my rationality. Lisa

maglets's picture
Posts: 2596
Joined: Jun 2006

ahhhhh this thread is filled with so much love and sympathy and some darned good advice too.

Brenda I think Christmas is just plain overwhelming at times. I am stage 4 with my best friend fighting cancer.....went to the mall.....and just wandered around like a duck out of water. Then i started to feel the nutty energy of Christmas hysteria and buying....and I thought wowwwww don't want to do this. Brenda you don't have to do that....you don't have to do anything.

So many good suggestions here....just choose maybe to do one tiny thing....eat a cookie...sit quietly....but don't beat yourself up. Christmas can just be what it is this year....

Love to you and your hubby.....


pepebcn's picture
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

I feel very similar this year! .
Wish you love health and peace!

Posts: 160
Joined: Mar 2011

It is amazing how I can feel so low, then read your responses and feel so much better.
Son and grandsons came out Saturday and stayed with hubby, while daughter in law and I went shopping. I enjoyed being with her, was able to get presents for the grandchildren,
will follow the advice of all of you, and get gift certificates for the adults.
When I stop and think of the reason for Christmas, how can I feel depressed. Am grateful
for family that understands, am grateful for all of you. Take care and I hope you all have a beauiful Christmas, Brenda

plh4gail's picture
Posts: 1238
Joined: Oct 2010

Aww....that made me smile. And what you said is the reason we all come here.To be here for each other, sharing out strength and lifting spirits when one's is low.


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