Hello to Everyone- "I'm back"

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lindadanis
lindadanis Member Posts: 235
in Esophageal Cancer #1
To all my old friends and to all the new members on here:

It has been a little over a year ago that I lost my dear husband, Eddie, age 56, to this horrible cancer. As some of you know, the old members, how difficut that ordeal was for me but also for my 22 year old daughter back then. I signed off this "forum" last September when it was one year that Ed passed away. I was getting so sad to read story after story that I had decided it was best to not read it anymore. Well, I was just talking to a person who regularly posts on this forum and decided that maybe it was time to tell my story a bit to all the newbies.

Ed was diagnosed October 7th, 2009 with Stage four esphogeal cancer with mets to his stomach, liver and pelvis right from the beginning. We consulted with three doctors and he started chemo in December 2009, yes, that's correct, almost three months later. He was very reluctant to start therapy but with the insistance of my daughter, he did. The first three rounds did nothing, the pet scan showed no changed, his doctor changed his chemo and he did another three rounds, which the pet scan did show some good changes., however, in June of that year, he was unable to walk around, too dizzy, etc., and a scan revealed that his cancer now was in his brain. We consulted with two more radioligists who suggested he do "whole brain radiation". My sister, a registered nurse for 25 years, suggested he do nothing and leave it alone and treat with pain meds if needed. Ed opted to do the whole brain radiation and we did that for six weeks, five days a week, for almost a month and a half. Scans showed that he cancer grew in his brain throughout his radiation. We never told Ed this, he became halfways through the radiation, unable to communiate effectively, he was just about bedridden and he was not the man that I had known for 25 years. Whole brain radiation destroyed my husband and his quality of life form that point forward until his death October 7th.

The reason that I wanted to mainly write on this forum was just to try to help some of you who are faced with this exact same decision. Looking back, the papers he signed said "20% chance-80% change of the radiation doing nothing. I guess Ed wanted to take that 20% chance, not knowing what it would do to his quality of life. Please understand that Ed did not take his diagnosis/prognosis too good. Immediately right from the beginning when he was first diagnosed, he quit his job, stayed in his room for 11 months, except to go to the doctors. He was a very angry man right from the start and this meant that my daughter and I would live in a very angry house for almost a year. Without the help of Mr. Marshall and Sherri on this forum, I don't know what I would have done, I think I would have gone out of my mind to be honest. I guess what I am trying to say is that I think these cancer doctors should be more honest, more upfront with the patient and their families on deciding whether or not to continue treatment. It is not fair to lead them on in any way which I believe is what happened to Ed.

To make a long story short, after Ed passed way, I never received a phone call, nor an email, from his oncologist, the man that we deal with everyday, everyweek, everymonth for almost eleven months, he did not have the respect to even call me as his widow. I sent him a letter about a month after the passing and never received a response to that letter either.

Please consider all options when making decisions, please think of quality of life vs quantity of life. Ed never had any quality of life. They gave him 3-6 months to live when first diagnosed, he lasted 11 months in pure hell.

Although I am very sad that I have lost him (along with losing my mother one week after him), I now have the time to reflect back on what we went through, what we did wrong and hopefully what I can offer people who are faced with these same decisions. Everyone has the right to make their own decisions, I know this, I just wanted to put my story back on this forum for the new members.

If I ever can help anyone, please contact me.

Also, I would like to say "hello to my friend William Marshall and Sherri". Without you two in my life, I wouldn't have made it Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Linda

Comments

  • MissusB
    MissusB Member Posts: 111
    #2
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    Hi Linda!
    I'm a new member here - I'm a caregiver to my fiance, Bill, and you can read about us on my "About Me" page. Welcome back! I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's last 11 months of his life. Thank you for sharing and for being so candid. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. How is she doing now? Love and prayers ~ Kim
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #3
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    Welcome Back
    Hello Linda and Dianna!
    So happy to see you posting again. Glad to hear you are doing pretty well. Mom and I are also. Holidays are a little hard, but we try our best to remember the holidays with my dad, not without him. How is Dianna doing? Keep your chins up..we are all in this together.
    Tina in Va
  • lindadanis
    lindadanis Member Posts: 235
    #4
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    Tina Blondek said:

    Welcome Back
    Hello Linda and Dianna!
    So happy to see you posting again. Glad to hear you are doing pretty well. Mom and I are also. Holidays are a little hard, but we try our best to remember the holidays with my dad, not without him. How is Dianna doing? Keep your chins up..we are all in this together.
    Tina in Va

    So glad I posted again
    Hi Tina and all:

    I'm so glad that I decided to post again after a year without Eddie. Diana is doing pretty well, she will be finishing up her business degree next month, she did go back to college this past September. I am very proud of my daughter, she went through alot for a young girl and I am so happy that she decided to go back to college. We did clean out our attic, basement and garage the past year which I am very happy about, although it was extremely hard to watch alot of Ed's stuff leave, it was three big jobs that are now done. I am doing pretty well myself, although I have not adjusted to life as a "widow" yet, I am making some headway these days. I am very very lonely without Ed and my Mom, I lost two very dear people in my life so close together and life is very very different for me. I have not yet got a new schedule together, we eat when we are hungry, there is no dinner time anymore, however, I did do Thanksgiving last week for my family and reopened the diningroom. It is baby steps for me, but at least I am trying to take them. I have a very hard time trying to remember Ed before he got cancer, somehow all those 24 years are cloudy for me to remember, I am still only remembering him when he was sick with cancer, I am still in therapy hoping that this will change. We had 24 wonderful years together and I am hoping that I can remember all of those happy times and not the time when he was mad and angry. I guess it takes alot of time to get over those horrible memories.

    I'm so glad Tina that you and your Mom are doing well.

    They say you get a new "normal", when I find that, I will be posting to all of you about it., I haven't, yet, got to that new "normal". I do not think that life is ever the same as it was, how could it be, we have lost our soulmakes, the one we ate with, slept with, built our plans with, looked towards the future with, how could life be the same??? I am hoping with a new year coming upon us, that Diana and I find our new lives, whatever that may be. I pray that all of you who are going through what we went through, find the stength and courage to deal with all of it. It was the most difficult time of my life-I sympathize with all of you and I truly know what you are going through.

    Linda
  • JReed
    JReed Member Posts: 428
    #5
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    lindadanis said:

    So glad I posted again
    Hi Tina and all:

    I'm so glad that I decided to post again after a year without Eddie. Diana is doing pretty well, she will be finishing up her business degree next month, she did go back to college this past September. I am very proud of my daughter, she went through alot for a young girl and I am so happy that she decided to go back to college. We did clean out our attic, basement and garage the past year which I am very happy about, although it was extremely hard to watch alot of Ed's stuff leave, it was three big jobs that are now done. I am doing pretty well myself, although I have not adjusted to life as a "widow" yet, I am making some headway these days. I am very very lonely without Ed and my Mom, I lost two very dear people in my life so close together and life is very very different for me. I have not yet got a new schedule together, we eat when we are hungry, there is no dinner time anymore, however, I did do Thanksgiving last week for my family and reopened the diningroom. It is baby steps for me, but at least I am trying to take them. I have a very hard time trying to remember Ed before he got cancer, somehow all those 24 years are cloudy for me to remember, I am still only remembering him when he was sick with cancer, I am still in therapy hoping that this will change. We had 24 wonderful years together and I am hoping that I can remember all of those happy times and not the time when he was mad and angry. I guess it takes alot of time to get over those horrible memories.

    I'm so glad Tina that you and your Mom are doing well.

    They say you get a new "normal", when I find that, I will be posting to all of you about it., I haven't, yet, got to that new "normal". I do not think that life is ever the same as it was, how could it be, we have lost our soulmakes, the one we ate with, slept with, built our plans with, looked towards the future with, how could life be the same??? I am hoping with a new year coming upon us, that Diana and I find our new lives, whatever that may be. I pray that all of you who are going through what we went through, find the stength and courage to deal with all of it. It was the most difficult time of my life-I sympathize with all of you and I truly know what you are going through.

    Linda

    Thank you to the widows and widowers who stay connected
    Hi Linda:

    I have been reading through the posts on this wonderful site and I'm so happy that you and Chantal and others keep in touch and offer your feelings, support and advice to us newbies. It is so comforting to have you pioneers nearby to ask questions of and seek your advice. You know the questions we need to ask and things to look for. This the kindest thing a person can do - continue to reach out, even though you've suffered an enormous loss to help us. I am humbled and grateful. Thank you.

    I am like you in that I am a caregiver also. We have only taken a couple of baby steps into this journey, so I am very grateful to each of you that have decided to stay connected to help us.

    I just wanted to say thank you and I'm so sorry that you have to have a new 'normal'.

    Sincerely,
    Judy
  • ritawaite13
    ritawaite13 Member Posts: 236
    #6
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    Hi Linda
    I'm also a new member here and I'm glad you're back. My husband Greg was diagnosed with stage IV EC on July 11, 2011 and lived just 15 weeks after diagnosis and passed on Oct 24 2011. He suffered a severe stroke just 9 days after diagnosis and spend 6 of those 15 weeks in the hospital being rehabilitated. While I'm happy that Greg never had to go through what your Ed did, it still makes me sad that he went so fast. He was definately not done living yet.
    I'm very glad to hear your doing better. I know I will too eventually but it's just so darned hard right now. I really appreciate people like you and Sherri posting on here because it gives me some hope that even though my life is forever changed, it will get better than it is now. This grieving sucks! Sorry to be so blunt but it's just the way I'm feeling tonight. Chantal, I know you have nights just like this too. I guess it's okay to have our meltdowns from time to time, right?
    Again, thanks for posting Linda and I hope that you and your daughter can continue to heal and can start to enjoy life again.
    Hugs to you,
    Rita
  • lindadanis
    lindadanis Member Posts: 235
    #7
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    ritawaite13 said:

    Hi Linda
    I'm also a new member here and I'm glad you're back. My husband Greg was diagnosed with stage IV EC on July 11, 2011 and lived just 15 weeks after diagnosis and passed on Oct 24 2011. He suffered a severe stroke just 9 days after diagnosis and spend 6 of those 15 weeks in the hospital being rehabilitated. While I'm happy that Greg never had to go through what your Ed did, it still makes me sad that he went so fast. He was definately not done living yet.
    I'm very glad to hear your doing better. I know I will too eventually but it's just so darned hard right now. I really appreciate people like you and Sherri posting on here because it gives me some hope that even though my life is forever changed, it will get better than it is now. This grieving sucks! Sorry to be so blunt but it's just the way I'm feeling tonight. Chantal, I know you have nights just like this too. I guess it's okay to have our meltdowns from time to time, right?
    Again, thanks for posting Linda and I hope that you and your daughter can continue to heal and can start to enjoy life again.
    Hugs to you,
    Rita

    Rita and Judy and everyone else out there
    Thank you both for your kind words and yes, I am glad that I'm back also. It has take a little over a year to get back on and be able to post. I, personally, went through a very difficult situation because I lost my mother nine days after losing Ed. It was a double wammy as you would say and I still have any difficult days. I am either looking for Eddie or going to the phone to call my mom, I was so mad at God for taking the two most important people in my life within a week of each other, it has taken me this long to accept it and try to move forward. No, it is not easy at all, I still get mad and angry but I am trying to accept what has happened in my life and try to figure it all out. I have been in your steps and I remember all too well what it is like. Those feelings never really ever leave you, I can tell you that honestly, I still sit here day in/day out and think it was just a bad dream until I realize that Ed's car is not coming into the driveway at 4:30, that we are not the family we were, all three of us sitting down at the dinner table and talking among ourselves.
    I still think my mom is either at the hospital or rehab and I still go to the phone like I am going to call her. I have been in therapy since Ed first got diagnosed back in 2009, not as much as before, but still going and I tell her all the time "what happened to my life-where did it go". I think I have some post tramatic stress going on but I am very aware of it most times. I feel like one day we were all ok and then bam, we were not ok. The "the pink elephant" move into our home October 7th, 2009 and it really left the day he died September 15th, 2009. We never really talked about the cancer, Ed just got so damn mad that he had it and was leaving us, it was like my life just stopped that day and we all went throuh the emotions of living day to day.

    I think that writing on this site now is some form of therapy for me, I get some sort of release sitting here at the computer at the end of the day. I can release some of my feelings which is a good thing and on the other hand, I am hoping and praying that I can help people like yourselves who are going through exactly what I went through. We are all different yet we are all the same. Once cancer comes through your door, life is never the same as I'm sure you will all agree with me. Life is a precious gift, some of us never find this out until the "elephant moves in" and changes everything. I live very different now since losing them, I do not take life for granted-I thank God everynight that I am still here and that I am still living and sharing my life with my precious daughter. I have forgived him for taking them from me, I have been able to stare at the stars at night and say "goodnight" to them. It has taken a long time, but at least I can do it now. Always tell the people in your lives that mean something to you that you "love them", don't take anything for granted anymore. These are the things that are starting to play a big role in my "new life". I am very grateful that I had 25 years with Eddie, one month before he passed way, we renewed our wedding vows for our 25th anniversay and boy am I glad that we did. Although he had brain cancer by then, he was still the man that I married, still the man that I still loved and I wanted him to know this before he passed away. It was one the best days in my life and he told me it was one of the best days in his life. He was a different man standing in front of me, he was 110 pounds lighter because of the cancer, but he was "the same man" inside and I knew it in my heart. It was this horrible cancer that made him mean and angry and I had to forgive him and I did.

    I hope I didn't rant on too much tonight, but I just wanted to share some of my feelings with you. I am so glad that I can be of some help to you out there.

    Linda
  • Heeran
    Heeran Member Posts: 171
    #8
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    hello
    Hello, I'm a newer member here and yes, thank you for sharing your story. It looks like your family went through a big roller coaster with the fight against EC. This site has been a godsend for me. I've seen ups and downs with my mom's treatment but nothing like what you have described. Thank you for sharing your story with the newer members here.
  • TerryV
    TerryV Member Posts: 887
    #9
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    lindadanis said:

    Rita and Judy and everyone else out there
    Thank you both for your kind words and yes, I am glad that I'm back also. It has take a little over a year to get back on and be able to post. I, personally, went through a very difficult situation because I lost my mother nine days after losing Ed. It was a double wammy as you would say and I still have any difficult days. I am either looking for Eddie or going to the phone to call my mom, I was so mad at God for taking the two most important people in my life within a week of each other, it has taken me this long to accept it and try to move forward. No, it is not easy at all, I still get mad and angry but I am trying to accept what has happened in my life and try to figure it all out. I have been in your steps and I remember all too well what it is like. Those feelings never really ever leave you, I can tell you that honestly, I still sit here day in/day out and think it was just a bad dream until I realize that Ed's car is not coming into the driveway at 4:30, that we are not the family we were, all three of us sitting down at the dinner table and talking among ourselves.
    I still think my mom is either at the hospital or rehab and I still go to the phone like I am going to call her. I have been in therapy since Ed first got diagnosed back in 2009, not as much as before, but still going and I tell her all the time "what happened to my life-where did it go". I think I have some post tramatic stress going on but I am very aware of it most times. I feel like one day we were all ok and then bam, we were not ok. The "the pink elephant" move into our home October 7th, 2009 and it really left the day he died September 15th, 2009. We never really talked about the cancer, Ed just got so damn mad that he had it and was leaving us, it was like my life just stopped that day and we all went throuh the emotions of living day to day.

    I think that writing on this site now is some form of therapy for me, I get some sort of release sitting here at the computer at the end of the day. I can release some of my feelings which is a good thing and on the other hand, I am hoping and praying that I can help people like yourselves who are going through exactly what I went through. We are all different yet we are all the same. Once cancer comes through your door, life is never the same as I'm sure you will all agree with me. Life is a precious gift, some of us never find this out until the "elephant moves in" and changes everything. I live very different now since losing them, I do not take life for granted-I thank God everynight that I am still here and that I am still living and sharing my life with my precious daughter. I have forgived him for taking them from me, I have been able to stare at the stars at night and say "goodnight" to them. It has taken a long time, but at least I can do it now. Always tell the people in your lives that mean something to you that you "love them", don't take anything for granted anymore. These are the things that are starting to play a big role in my "new life". I am very grateful that I had 25 years with Eddie, one month before he passed way, we renewed our wedding vows for our 25th anniversay and boy am I glad that we did. Although he had brain cancer by then, he was still the man that I married, still the man that I still loved and I wanted him to know this before he passed away. It was one the best days in my life and he told me it was one of the best days in his life. He was a different man standing in front of me, he was 110 pounds lighter because of the cancer, but he was "the same man" inside and I knew it in my heart. It was this horrible cancer that made him mean and angry and I had to forgive him and I did.

    I hope I didn't rant on too much tonight, but I just wanted to share some of my feelings with you. I am so glad that I can be of some help to you out there.

    Linda

    I can't imagine that I would know how to pick up the pieces....
    Linda,

    If I lost my soulmate, my love, I don't know that I would begin to know how to pick up the pieces of my life either. EC brought realization of fear (many fears) into my world. EC does change lives - my husband's in a major way, mine as well, but even that of my children. They lost their blood father 2 years ago to strokes - the EC elephant sat on them quite hard when it entered our lives.

    Thank you for sharing with us. I hope and pray that you find peace and healing as time passes. Glad you have your daughter to help you and to hug you. That's so important.

    Please know also that we are here for you. I believe that many of us find this site "good therapy". I have worked through many of my most tearful/fearful moments here with my dear friends, my dear EC friends that I have never and likely will never, meet in person.

    With love and hugs for you!

    Terry
    Wife to Nick, age 48
    dx T3N1M0 05/19/11
    THE 09/08/11
  • unclaw2002
    unclaw2002 Member Posts: 599
    #10
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    Linda,
    It was so nice to
    Linda,

    It was so nice to hear from you again with your update about you and Dianna. Look forward to your posts.

    Hugs and prayers,
    Cindy
  • Cora11
    Cora11 Member Posts: 173
    #11
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    unclaw2002 said:

    Linda,
    It was so nice to
    Linda,

    It was so nice to hear from you again with your update about you and Dianna. Look forward to your posts.

    Hugs and prayers,
    Cindy

    thank-you Linda
    For taking the time to reconnect and share with old and new people here. I am new as well and this place has been a life-line for me if there ever was one. The courage and openness that you share your story, albeit painful and hopefully therapeutic for you, is certainly a gift to all of us starting out here. We are in the medical field ourselves and to hear how you were treated is so disappointing, but sadly not surprising to us. My husband Keith just went through all the treatment and is 2 weeks out of surgery and we did get good news in terms of results. However, I find right now that I am experiencing a let-down of sorts, and all the emotions that get kind of stored up in "survival mode" because you just have to have to as a caregiver, well they are now surfacing. The way you and others write with such candor, well, it just makes all of us realize we are never alone even if this community is a virtual one. I just celebrated my 24th anniversary with my husband a few months ago- before cancer and it is a challenge to think about life "after" . One thing I have learned through all the positive and sad stories here, is that we just never ever know, and my challenge right now is to try and create a meaningful new normal , living with positive hopes for a healthy future, and yet knowing how fragile it can be. But William, Loretta, Eric, Michelle, Chantal, Erica, Terri, Nikki, Rita...yourself... so many others ( forgetting a few names right now).. we each have our own journey and you certainly show that we all have the capacity to help ourselves through helping others. So, thanks for coming back. I'm sure it was a difficult decision and I just want to warmly welcome you. I spent weeks just trying to get through all this treatment, and now in this phase I too want to share with new people anything that can help them get through this challenge a little bit easier. Not one bit is easy.
    Cora
  • Daisylin
    Daisylin Member Posts: 365
    #12
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    Cora11 said:

    thank-you Linda
    For taking the time to reconnect and share with old and new people here. I am new as well and this place has been a life-line for me if there ever was one. The courage and openness that you share your story, albeit painful and hopefully therapeutic for you, is certainly a gift to all of us starting out here. We are in the medical field ourselves and to hear how you were treated is so disappointing, but sadly not surprising to us. My husband Keith just went through all the treatment and is 2 weeks out of surgery and we did get good news in terms of results. However, I find right now that I am experiencing a let-down of sorts, and all the emotions that get kind of stored up in "survival mode" because you just have to have to as a caregiver, well they are now surfacing. The way you and others write with such candor, well, it just makes all of us realize we are never alone even if this community is a virtual one. I just celebrated my 24th anniversary with my husband a few months ago- before cancer and it is a challenge to think about life "after" . One thing I have learned through all the positive and sad stories here, is that we just never ever know, and my challenge right now is to try and create a meaningful new normal , living with positive hopes for a healthy future, and yet knowing how fragile it can be. But William, Loretta, Eric, Michelle, Chantal, Erica, Terri, Nikki, Rita...yourself... so many others ( forgetting a few names right now).. we each have our own journey and you certainly show that we all have the capacity to help ourselves through helping others. So, thanks for coming back. I'm sure it was a difficult decision and I just want to warmly welcome you. I spent weeks just trying to get through all this treatment, and now in this phase I too want to share with new people anything that can help them get through this challenge a little bit easier. Not one bit is easy.
    Cora

    Welcome back
    Hi Linda,
    When I first came on board here, it was around February of this year. My husband Lee was diagnosed in January with stage iv, mets to the liver. When I found this site, I read, and read, and read, months into the history of this website. I do remember your struggles, and posts about your husband's anger, and your sadness and helplessness. Of course at this point in time, we were invincible, and were planning to be part of the winning team, and beat the dragon down.

    Since we never actually 'met', let me first say how sorry I am, both for your husband's passing, as well as your mom. I could not even imagine what you went through. (and are still going through)

    My husband Lee passed away November 8th of this year, not even a month ago..... so I feel like I'll be following in your footsteps, travelling the healing journey. I don't know if I'm in the 'denial' stage, but so far, I just feel more numb than anything. I often wonder if I did my hard core grieving while he was alive and suffering. Like your husband, Lee did not have quality time, his life for 10 months was pure hell. It was so horrible to watch, sitting helplessly by, as yet another doctor shrugged his shoulders and prescribed more drugs. I was an emotional wreck, and cried at the drop of a hat. Nowadays, nothing seems to phase me, and I wander through my days in a bit of a fog. I'm sure that one day soon, reality will hit me over the head like a hammer, and I'll find myself in the next 'stage' of grief.

    I hope you are able to continue posting here, there are so many others out there that need our help, and also, they give help too. The emotional support I've gotten from everyone here is amazing, and I know that if I need to vent, chat, laugh, cry or just offer up some advice, the door is always open.

    Be well,
    Chantal
  • megmacmd
    megmacmd Member Posts: 85
    #13
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    lindadanis said:

    So glad I posted again
    Hi Tina and all:

    I'm so glad that I decided to post again after a year without Eddie. Diana is doing pretty well, she will be finishing up her business degree next month, she did go back to college this past September. I am very proud of my daughter, she went through alot for a young girl and I am so happy that she decided to go back to college. We did clean out our attic, basement and garage the past year which I am very happy about, although it was extremely hard to watch alot of Ed's stuff leave, it was three big jobs that are now done. I am doing pretty well myself, although I have not adjusted to life as a "widow" yet, I am making some headway these days. I am very very lonely without Ed and my Mom, I lost two very dear people in my life so close together and life is very very different for me. I have not yet got a new schedule together, we eat when we are hungry, there is no dinner time anymore, however, I did do Thanksgiving last week for my family and reopened the diningroom. It is baby steps for me, but at least I am trying to take them. I have a very hard time trying to remember Ed before he got cancer, somehow all those 24 years are cloudy for me to remember, I am still only remembering him when he was sick with cancer, I am still in therapy hoping that this will change. We had 24 wonderful years together and I am hoping that I can remember all of those happy times and not the time when he was mad and angry. I guess it takes alot of time to get over those horrible memories.

    I'm so glad Tina that you and your Mom are doing well.

    They say you get a new "normal", when I find that, I will be posting to all of you about it., I haven't, yet, got to that new "normal". I do not think that life is ever the same as it was, how could it be, we have lost our soulmakes, the one we ate with, slept with, built our plans with, looked towards the future with, how could life be the same??? I am hoping with a new year coming upon us, that Diana and I find our new lives, whatever that may be. I pray that all of you who are going through what we went through, find the stength and courage to deal with all of it. It was the most difficult time of my life-I sympathize with all of you and I truly know what you are going through.

    Linda

    Grief and choices
    Thanks for you post reaffirmed my choice to stop chemo as a stage 4 went through 11 treatments of flofox and was feeling OK until the last couple just getting sicker now 3 months off am feeling better in some ways. Lot to be said for quailty of life. As a doctor my self and having lost my mom dad and sister to cancer in the last 4 years Ive seen what it can do MY sister fought tooth and nail My mom and dad eventually stopped chemo and had a little easier time of it although the end was still not pretty My best friend soulmate (wing man) died of a sudden brain anuersym 3 years ago. ALthough the sudden deaths are shocking they leave a lot of good memories intact. Hope your getting through your grief with some help I did a lot of grief groups and read Widow to Widow which helped and Journeying through your grief Unfortunately our culture doesnt spend much time on grieving life goes busily on like the person never existed other culture respect grief much more so than our society. The first year was a fog thought I would truely die of a broken heart but the second year got a little easier and the third still think of AJ everyday something to tell him something he would have laughed about. I hope you and your daughter are working through it thank GOD you have her.I realized I had to reinvent myself was always someones daughter sister and wife now gratefully Im still a mom thank GOD for my 3 adult children .My daughters 26 and 28 are coping well my son just turned 21 he was 17 when his dad died he is struggling with my choices. But your post made me really believe Ive made the right choice for quality vs quatity of life Best wishes for this holiday season Meg Mac

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