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Stress, Anxiety, Fear....

Posts: 6
Joined: Nov 2011

How do you deal with your fears of the cancer, when your spouse (who has cancer) who understadably doesn't want to think about the what if's... and wants to stay positive and live day by day...and not in the future?

I'm scared I'm going to get a small cold and end up making him sicker.
I'm scared that we wont be able to have another child because of his treatments.
I'm scared he's losing too much weight.
I'm scared my time with him will be cut too short.
I'm scared he wont get to see our daughter grow up.

I'm scared of his 2nd PETScan results post surgery and radiation treatment scheduled next week.

jimwins's picture
Posts: 2111
Joined: Aug 2011

Hi tnsexton,

You're not alone in your fears and I'm sure several others
will chime in here soon.

Fear and anxiety are normal with everything that's going on.
I'm a survivor and have certainly had and have my issues with
fear and anxiety. Someone on another post coined the phrase
"High Scanxiety" - I like that term as it's so appropriate.
My next scan is in February and I'm already a little anxious about it.

One thing that has helped me tremendously with anxiety is medication
(Ativan). It takes the edge off and does allow me to sleep better
(I take it at night before I go to bed though I can take it twice a day).

It would be helpful if you filled out the "about me" page so we have more
details about your situation (type of cancer, where you are in treatments, etc.).
That way, folks with similar situations can share their experiences.

Please use this board as a place to vent, rave, cry, and laugh (and we do laugh
here on occasion). People on this site are very non-judgemental and supportive.
A positive attitude and humor are free weapons in this war.

Hugs and positive thoughts,

DX: DLBL 4/2011, Chemo completed 10/2011, currently in remission. ☺
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mr steve
Posts: 286
Joined: Sep 2009


Every caregiver goes thru the samething everyday. Just be there, be strong, and be a tuff cupcake. Been worried about the same stuff everyday for the past 4 years. I just try and do more good than harm, I think thats the best any of us can do. Remember to take good care of yourself you don't want to get sick, it's hard to be a caregiver when your laid up with the flu.


jim and i's picture
jim and i
Posts: 1788
Joined: May 2011

I was so worried when Jim was first diagnosed and still am. It is so hard when you have to try and keep a positive front up when you want to just lay down and scream, cry and through a tantrum. When Jim was in treatment he had times when his personality totally changed. The pain meds made him goofy and happy (like a 1960,s pothead) and other times he was angry or hopeless. I worried that I would not be able to take care of him or stay positive all the time. But we did get through the treatment and are stronger for it. I think the worst for me was the lonliness since our children are grown and the closest one is 30 minutes away. I it gets a little better post treatment but test anxiety is just about as bad because it brings up old fears. Also, recoovery is slow (really slow for some) and you wonder if things will ever get better. I could probably go on forever but will close with this; make sure you take care of yourself. Get out with your daughter and do something normal. Have lunch occasionally with a friend and laugh a lot.

You and your family are in my prayers.


Posts: 6
Joined: Nov 2011

Thank You everyone.

I've kept telling myself others are going through the same thing, and some are in worse places than we are...but after a period of time, you just feel alone and like you are going through this alone and have no one to turn to. But after reading all of your responses, it finally felt real that I'm not alone....

His family acts as if the worst is over, and once he finishes his treatment...he's done with dealing with Melanoma forever. Even after both of his parents have spoken to his doctors and have heard that, survival rate for Stage III Melanoma is 50% over 5 years, and being young and normally in good health doesn't have any effect on the survival rate. The treatment that he is putting himself through hell with for over a year is very controversial but is expected only to increase rates by 5% at best. Yes, 50% over 5 years is a lot higher than other cancers...by for someone whos only 30 years old receiving this diagnosis...it's heart breaking.

I just....I'm a person who doesn't like surprises. I want to know everything up front, and have a consistent schedule. (It's the only way I function with 5 hours of sleep a night on average) I don't like anytime anything get's out of my plans. Now I have to learn how to live my life without such a structured schedule.

I’ve been given medication, Xanax, to deal with the anxiety…but I don’t take it often as it makes me very sleepy, and just the idea that it is such a highly addictive medication. I don’t have an addictive personality, never been addicted to anything…but I don’t want my body to build up an addiction to something… I only take it when days are so rough that I just cannot function without it….or right before bed so that I can get some stress/anxiety off my mind and get some rest.

Btw- I did update my profile

jimwins's picture
Posts: 2111
Joined: Aug 2011

Thanks for updating your profile. It's helpful to us :).

I understand how frustrating it must be when you are used to being
somewhat in control of your schedule and life. Cancer does change
that and as many have said on this site, you kind of have to live
day by day and sometimes minute by minute to deal with all of this.

Regarding statistics, don't let them get you down and be careful of
what you read on the Internet - not all information is current or
accurate. It's important for both of you try to have positive attitudes
through all of this. I know it's hard but it can be done.

Thanks for sharing and you will find lots of support here.

Big hugs,


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