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Facing life Alone

Posts: 38
Joined: May 2011

Two weeks ago my partner lost her battle with cancer. She was only 49 years old. I have been surrounded by family and friends for the entire two weeks until this morning when I dropped my mom off at the airport. She has spent the last week with me, helping me clean and sort out things at home. I thought I was doing okay, then the anxiety hit when I got back home. I am not sure how I am going to handle coming home everyday now knowing I am alone. I don't want to feel this way, I know it is normal to be nervous but how do you get passed that? Any advice? I have had issues with anxiety in the past and thought I had it beat, guess I was wrong. I just want to come home and be comfortable and be able to sleep without worry.

jimwins's picture
Posts: 2111
Joined: Aug 2011

It's not going to be easy but you will get through this. I lost a
partner 23 years ago (gosh I was so young then) and it was a difficult time.
It happened very quickly so I didn't have a long drawn out caregiving
scenario or honestly time to process what was going on then.
I had dreams that it was all a "bad dream", would hear their voice, etc.
I would wake up thinking they were there and then I realized...

Perhaps one of the biggest things I learned from my experience was
guilt was normal. I thought about all our arguments, what I said or what
I didn't say, or do etc. I nearly drove myself crazy. Then I just asked myself
a simple question - "Did I truly love this person?" and the answer was "yes".
Over time, I was able to forgive myself for being human and flawed.

Know that you are not alone here. Understand grief is a process and it
takes time and you do have to grieve. I've pasted a site below that I've
posted before. Maybe when you're ready it can offer some help.

Grief and Bereavment

Hugs and positive thoughts,

DX: DLBL 4/2011

Posts: 1849
Joined: Aug 2010

Grief is a process. While there are defined steps (which, after you have passed through some of them in a few months you will readily recognize) but each one takes each person a diffrent length of time and is experienced with different intensity.

While you are going to breathe because it is physiological function, remember to really breathe and take good, deep cleansing and healing breaths ever so often. Some of the stress will leave you with those breaths.

There will be scary times, sad times, happy times, frustrating, anger-filled and blissful times. Embrace them all for what they are.

You are not alone. You will get to the point that you can lay down and go sleep without fretting.


grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

Accept that you are going to grieve. Two weeks, in the scheme of things, is not a very long time. Your life has changed and it will take time to adjust. Yes, the hardest thing for me was coming home to an empty house. Even now, although it has been over two years for me and I have a friend and her children with me temporarily, the house still feels empty at times. Don't be too hard on yourself. Give it time. Take each day, hour, or sometimes minute as it comes. Expect those grief steps to double back on you, too. Sometimes you may think you are cruising along, doing better, and bang you are right back at that anger stage or any other stage. It happens. Expect tears to come when you least expect them. Sometimes even the smallest thing will set them off. Sometimes the big things may leave you dry eyed. We are all different and we react differently to this incredable loss. It hurts. Somehow, most of us learn to live with the hurt in time. Take care of yourself, even indulge yourself, now. You have a right to your feelings. It's good that you have family and friends who love you, but there are things you will have to work through on your own. That empty house is one of them. Fay

Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

It's not only the empty house, but it's putting up decorations alone too. This was my second thanksgiving without Tom, and with the help of my wonderful kids, I made it through. Today though I decided to put up my little Christmas tree ( no more big one for me) and decorations & started crying. Who's going to sit with me & look at the lights? Being alone without the one you love is the hardest thing to live with. I know after the holidays things will get better until the next year.
At least you have a friend & kids with you for awhile. It's the sound of silence & lonely nights that I hate. But I know we'll make it, since we all have no choice, right?
Take care Fay!! "Carole"

Posts: 38
Joined: May 2011

Yes, the holidays are hard. My partner and I usually went to rode home together and then went to our respective families for the holiday itself. This made it a little easier for me because I am used to being without her on the holiday itself. It was the drive home today that was the most difficult, riding by myself for the first time in 12 years, and coming home to only the dogs.
We will make it:) That's what our loved ones would want for us, at least that is what I keep telling myself. I hope your Christmas will be peaceful, and you will be surrounded by loving family and friends. God Bless you.

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