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Very ill mother

Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2011

Here is my story. My mother was taking care of her mother at my home for over 4 years. My grandmother was on hospice and bed ridden for the past 5 months. She was 94 and would have been 95 Nov 12th. Well my mother started for fall ill and I had to put granny in a nursing home on Oct 31st, so I could get my mother to the doctor asap. Well I amitted my mother to the hospital on Oct 31st and granny pasted on Nov 3rd. Granny was having no part of the nursing home she just decided to go home to be with grandpa. My mother still doesn't know that her mother has passed away.

My mother was in renal failure and I had her in emergency on Oct 31th. Her creatintine levels were a 7 when they started dialysis. Then with further test doctors found a tumor the size of a football in her stomach around the aeorta. They first put a splint in her utertha to try and get the kidneys to function better. The doctor said I had to agree to a biopsy for the mass in the stomach. Well I did agree and the result came back today as large B-cell Lyphoma. My mother is currently on a ventilator because she still has not woken up from the biopsy 4 days ago. Her uric acid level is a 12.3 and creatintie level is at 4.57 with daily dialysis. I will be speaking with the cancer doctor on 11/10. The mass in the stomach is 19cm by 14cm. I do believe the doctor is thinking the toxins are not going down in my mother body because of the lymphoma. They do want to start chemo immediately. I am just wondering if the state that my mother is in is to dangers for chemo or if the mass may start to shrink and this may help with the fluid flow in her body. My mother is 68 and will be 69 on Nov 15th. She does have to receive meds to stabilize her blood pressure at this time. She is moving her hands a little and feet. The doctor are going to do a spinal tap to check for fluid on the brain because she is not waking up. Of course I feel dispair but I have to hold on the hope that God is intervening in someway. My mother didn't have a living will because she did tell me I had to always be willing to give her a chance to fight back even if it ment to be on a ventilator. She had a good friend that was on a vent for 3 mths and came off and lived 5 more years before death. I have to do her will of course. My question is has anyone been in a similiar situation and if so what was your outcome and things to watch out for with her health or questions once I agree to the chemo? Any advice would be appreciated. I will need to make a big decision tommorrow. Thank you- Tracey

vinny59's picture
Posts: 1032
Joined: Nov 2006

I'm so sorry for you and your mother, I have never been in your situation, it has to be so hard. Praying for you and your Mom... Vinny

Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2011

Hi Everyone - Thank you for the prayers for my mother. The lymphoma is Stage 4 large B-Cell. Mom is still on the ventilator and kidneys are failing, feeding tube and port in heart for monitoring. She is very weak. The cancer doctor said about a 20% chance of survival if we do chemo and if she survives. This was Thursday nights discussion. The neurologist said mom is not waking up because of other organs that might be shutting down. She is at Parma Hospital in Parma, Ohio and she has received good care, but the doctor last night suggested the Cleveland Clinic and my 2 brothers and I said absolutly send her. Today is Friday and the insurance (red tape) is cleared now it is just a point of getting her a bed and transporting her. The ambulance drive is about 20 mins. At this point we believe that the Cleveland Clinic is one of the best hospitals in the United States and we are only 20-25 mins away. Also my mom is now sustaining her own blood pressure without meds. We believe the fight has to go on. Even if she has a 10-20% of survival. I believe above all else she has God on her side and his will for her life will make all the difference. Please know I will be praying for many of you that are battling for your lives or have love ones that are going through some dark hours. I know a God that can do and be all things for his children, know matter the situation. Please continue to pray for my mother MaryAnn.
Thank you-Tracey

allmost60's picture
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Tracey,
Thank you for taking the time to up-date about your dear mothers situation. Sounds good she is sustaining her own blood pressure without meds...progress! Hopefully the Cleveland Clinic will be just the ticket to help keep her progress moving forward. She is very fortunate to have such wonderful loving children as you and your 2 brothers looking after her. Nothing but good positive thoughts and prayers coming to all of you.
Much love...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

allmost60's picture
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Tracey,
No...I have not been a similar situation as yours and your mom. My heart hurts for you and the heavy burden of major decsions you are facing. If your moms doctors feel she will be strong enough to do chemo, then you need to ask them all of the questions you have asked here. I pray she will gain strength and be able to do the chemo to shrink the mass in her stomach. From what you have said, she sounds like a fighter. Please come back and tell us what her cancer doctor tells you today. My prayers are with you and your dear mother. Love...Sue

jimwins's picture
Posts: 2111
Joined: Aug 2011

Hi Tracey,

I'm so sorry you have to be here and very sorry to hear about
your grandma and your mom.

I agree with Sue. I recently finished chemo for
Diffuse Large B Cell Lymphoma though my situation was not like
your mom's. Lymphoma is generally very treatable. There is hope.

I wish you guys the best.

Big hugs,


KC13167's picture
Posts: 215
Joined: Jun 2010

Tracey, I can not imagine being in your position. It sounds like your mom trusts you to make the correct decision in this situation. With that trust, you can Not make a bad decision.

I will pray for you and your mother. I pray that He provides you with wisdom and decernment as he cradles you both with His love and peace.


anliperez915's picture
Posts: 772
Joined: Sep 2011

So Sorry Tracey for the passing of your grandma and all the health problems that your mom is going through. I will be praying for you and your mom that whatever you decide to do will be the best decision for your mothers health.


COBRA666's picture
Posts: 2413
Joined: May 2010

I have never been in your place,but was pretty near it at one time. It was my mother who was in ill health. She was on a ventilator the last 2 weeks of her life. She was on oxygen before that. We did not know what to do.The only difference is she was not going to get any better and lungs were failing fast. My sisters were her main care-givers and she was in a nursing home. She was spry for a person of 84 ,but her lungs were in bad shape. We knew the day would come and it did. It came fast in her last days. we had to make the decision to take her off the ventilator. We were not going to do it,but at the advice of her Drs. we had to reconsider. They gauranteed us she would not suffer if the ventilator was removed. THEY LIED. So go with your moms wishes and give her every chance. She deserves it. Never have any regrets so exhaust all options. John(FNHL-4A-1-5/10)

miss maggie
Posts: 929
Joined: Mar 2010

Dear John

First, let me say, how sorry I am on your mom's passing. Since losing my mom my life is
not the same anymore. Losing one's parent is horrible.

I read and re-read your post. I noted your doctor's advice. Your mom would not
suffer if the ventilator was removed. Sorry to ask, what do you mean they LIED??

I just requested from my doctor a PROXY Form> I want to make clear my wishes if ever
the time comes. I have asthma, and in the past suffered from being out of breath, gasping
for air. I want to make it clear, under no circumstances would a ventilator be removed.
If I am in a coma, even brain dead, if I am on a ventilator, it is not to be removed.
It would be perfedtly alright to stop all food feeding. But, never, never remove a
ventilator. I cannot imagine being conscious, unconscious, in a coma struggling for air.

When my bowel perforated in Sept 2009. The cause was NHL. I was in ICU for one week on a
ventilator. I was completely out of it. I believe when they removed the ventilator, I was
somewhat unconscious, in never, never land. I still remember flaring my arms, opening
my eyes looking for someone to help me. I couldn't breathe. I saw and heard all the
people around me staring at me, telling me to calm down. I will neve forget that experience.

If this is what happened to your mom, I am so, so, very sorry. If I brought up bad memories,
that too I am sorry.


Posts: 444
Joined: Aug 2010

This reminds me of my mother who joined the heaven last March. She had fast growing ovarian cancer 6 months before and had chemo and that really helped maintain her health or at least stable and we had couple good months together. Then into hospice, she went to sleep peacefully into heaven after being on morphine. Tracey, I hope your mother's final passage would go smoothly and comfortably.
With prayers

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