A Little Levity

I went today to have my CT scan done so we have results tomorrow when I see the Oncologist, have my lab work and then my infusion. I get there to discover that there are 2 CT scanners out of commission and at 10:30am, they are already 2 hours behind. Ok, no big deal I have nothing else to do and after 18 months of this I never go anywhere near the hospital without a book and my tube feeding basket for the next meal in the event I am running late for the next feeding.

After I sit in the lobby for an hour, a person, not a nurse, comes out and calls my name. I follow her to the little cubicle where she asked me the same 10 questions they ask me every 10 weeks. She then wrapes me up in 2 warming blankets to keep me comfortable. One of her questions was did I have a port. I said yes and she ask if she could see it. I said sure and unbuttoned my shirt. She then asked if I wanted them to use it or a vein in my arm. I said, assuming you have someone who knows what they are doing, using it is fine. She goes away and in about 10 minutes she comes back with a big smile on her face and says that someone will be around to access it soon and lays the access needle package on the tray. I asked if I might see the package and while looking at me as though I had three heads, she handed it over. I said, this will not do, it is a 1" and my port uses a 3/4". She says, all we have are 1 " and I said fine, but you aren't going to use that on this port. I was very gracious and sweet but firm. I said another nurse in the begining of this path I am on insisted that a 1" would work and by the time she got thru I was in the back of an ambulance heading for the ER and bleeding like a stuck pig. She says let me see what I can find. I go back to my book. In the mean time they are steady pouring contrast die down my tube. Just about the time I thought to myself if they don't access something soon,I will never get the CT scan, here comes the young lady, very proud of her self and rightly so, because she had located a 3/4". We both were pleased. She then went off to let the nurse know I was ready for her. In another short while, a male nurse comes in, introduces himself and asked to look at the port. I pulled my now unbottoned shirt open and he looks and asked if it was a double or single? I decide he isn't doing it if he can't look at my chest and determine how many bumps are there. I said nothing but he must have sensed something because he left and shortly another nurse sticks her head in and says as soon as she washes her hands, we'll get started. Its about time. I have now been at this over two hours and I am getting ansie. She comes in with the sterile supplies, opens the kit up, spreads everything on the sterile barrier and looks at the port. She comments that the triangle is easy to see and was I satisfied that the area was numb from the cream. I said yes its fine. She then says to herself, I forget, do we leave the butter fly wings on or take them off. I thought, please god, and said, you leave them on. She says ok, how long have you had this. I said, I have had a port for 18 months, this is the second one. She says oh, then do you know what this is for? It was the tape that one puts over the cut off valve so it doesn't dangle on my chest and get caught in my shirt. She says, I haven't seen one of these before. I replied, when the time comes I can show you how to deal with it. Had I not been about over it, I wouldn't have let her access the port either, but at this point I really didn't care as long as they got on with it. I did ask if she had ever done one before and proudly she said oh yes about 10 years now. I took a deep breath and suggested we get on with it. I have to say, even though she have had no clue what to do with all the parts, she had the best access technique of anyone I have ever had stick. I didn't even feel pressure when she went in. She was great. When the blood began to flow back as it is supposed to she seemed so excited as was I because sometimes that is a problem. I said now let me show you how to put the protective tape on. I did, she watched grinned and said good job. Thank god they came for me to have the scan before this dear thing started taking photos. What a day!!! Sam