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Lost my husband

mrsptsu2012's picture
Posts: 63
Joined: May 2011

My husband lost his battle with cancer today between 4:00 - 4:30 p.m. I was able to see him before he expired to let him know it was okay to let go. This comes one day after the date sixteen years ago of his incarceration.

I received a phone call from Captain Jones of Special Needs who told me the nurse at the hospital said I needed to come to the hospital. When I arrived, hospital security said they had not received any such information and I would need to leave the premises. I tried to explain I had received a call to come up there and I was interrupted with the officer telling me they had not received any such authorization and I needed to leave the property immediately. I began to use my cell phone to contact the prison and was told I needed to place my call in my car and was grabbed by the arm and told if I didn’t leave I would be arrested. I informed the officer I would go out on the public street to place my call and he told me no I would not that I was going to get in the car and leave or he would arrest me. The captain was on the phone with me as this was happening and told me just to leave their property and call back in a few minutes. When I called the Captain back, he stated the nurse was going to call security and let them know; he instructed me to give the nurse a few minutes and call back. I waited for about five minutes and contacted hospital security by phone to ask if I had been authorized yet. I was told no; no one had contacted them as of yet. I contacted the Captain again and was told to give them a few minutes. I did so, then contacted the hospital security again. I was told no; they were waiting on a call from Chief Frank Smith. (keep in mind this is the same chief who has caused me so much grief through this whole thing) I then contacted the Captain again to ask if he would please contact the warden so she could contact the chief because hospital security was not going to let me on the property without authorization from the chief. I gave this a few minutes then called the captain back and was told the warden was contacting the chief. I gave this a little while before calling the hospital security again. This time when I contacted security, I was finally told they would contact me when they received authorization. Hospital security contacted me to say hold the line for the shift supervisor (who had ran me off the property). The shift supervisor informed me I had been authorized to visit for 30 minutes and 30 minutes only and if I yelled at him again or caused any problems, I would leave in handcuffs and he wasn’t playing. When I arrived back at the hospital, while we were riding up in the elevator I was trying to hand the officer my ID. He looked at me and said “what is that for” I informed him when I visited on Thursday I had to give the officer my ID. He replied to me by saying “I don’t need that; believe me I know who you are”. When my 30 minutes was up, the officer came to the door being very ruthless “maam, your time is up. I kissed my husband on the forehead and told him goodbye and that I had to go. I whispered softly in his ear to please let go and our love would live forever that not many share the love kind of love we shared.

Just as I returned home pulling in my driveway, the doctor called to say my husband had coded and could I come back to the hospital. While he was talking to me someone told him I couldn’t return because I had only been approved for one 30 minute visit. I was telling the doctor if he told security; the doctor interrupted me saying he couldn’t deal with the issue he needed to take care of my husband and it wasn’t looking good. I then called the Captain to let him know what had just happened and asked if he would please contact the warden to ask her if I could go back to be with my husband. When I called back I was told by the captain “I regret to tell you your husband has expired”.

soccerfreaks's picture
Posts: 2800
Joined: Sep 2006

I cannot comment on the behavior of the folks in the jail or prison regarding your treatment as a caregiver, although I sympathize with your plight.

I can say that cancer, obviously, is not prejudiced, and takes us, young and old, black and white, rich and poor, free and shackled, without regard, and we should all be saddened by another loss to this disease.

I am.

Take care,


Posts: 121
Joined: May 2011

I have no words for how this whole thing transpired. I am saddened for your loss Teresa, Your strength through this intolerable situation has been inspiring. I'm sorry. Take good care of yourself. Alan

Debbi818's picture
Posts: 10
Joined: Aug 2011

I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I'm also sorry you had to go through so much just to say goodbye to him.

KLScoville's picture
Posts: 161
Joined: Mar 2011

I am sorry for you lose Teresa! May the Lord God keep you at peace during this time of sorrow. I will pray for your healing.

God bless,

mamacita5's picture
Posts: 254
Joined: May 2010

I am very sorry for your loss.

trspaw's picture
Posts: 73
Joined: Jun 2011

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss, I pray for peace for your husband and strength for you.

God Bless

Hope4Marge's picture
Posts: 74
Joined: Jul 2011

Thinking of you during your time of loss and sadness.

Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

I've never commented to your posts before, but just want to say how sorry I am to hear about your husband. I lost mine 18 months ago, so know what you're going through. Be strong & remember there are so many of us who have lost our spouses & are always here for you. Carole

Glenna M's picture
Glenna M
Posts: 1576
Joined: May 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. Please stay strong and know that there are many who are here for you if you need us.

Posts: 183
Joined: Apr 2011

I am so very sorry to hear of your soulmate's passing. I am also very sorry for what you, yourself, have had to endure, just trying to comfort your husband in his struggle with this dreaded disease. Know that my prayers are with you and sending healing thoughts your way Teresa. Cheryl

Posts: 10
Joined: Oct 2011

Take some comfort that you were able to see him, if only for those short 30 minutes. He knew that you were there to see him and that you loved him. My wife lost her battle this week so I understand your loss. You will be in my thoughts.

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