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Back from RFA

Brenda Bricco
Posts: 579
Joined: Aug 2011

On top of this horrible dx we were hanging on to the hope that they could get a tumor that was very close to the hepatic vein. Just before going in they decided to use cold instead of heat (made me a little nervous but they assured me that cold is just as affective as heat). They decide that because of how close the tumor was to the vein and cold causes less swelling. My question to them was then why don't they always use cold? They had a very good answer ,that in patients with damaged livers they recover better from heat but since other than the cancer his liver is in great shape (who the hell ever thought I would here "other than the cancer") Long story short after 4 hours of contorting him, adding probes and taking their time to avoid that vein they got the tumor, PRAISE GOD, THEY GOT IT. So on to next week when they resect the rectum, let him recover, do more chemo, pause from the chemo to let him become strong enough for surgery and remove half of the liver.
I have tried to catch up on missed posts but I don't know that I will get all threads read. I see that there are some that need to get to different docs for second, third, fourth, how ever many they need to get the help they need. When we were first diagnosed the prognosis was grim and the last thing the small town onc said to us after we told him that we were going to UW Madison was "I still think it is a long shot". In his "non cancered" mind he thinks we should just sit back and wait for the cancer to take Dennis. I am sure after seeing so many fight this disease he has forgotten that each one of us are people with lives full of loved ones that want to live, to fight to live! So I just thought, yea, you sit here thinking that and if you need us we will be in Madison.;) I am so glad we did. :)
My heart is so happy for all of the hope that we have but sad because I had to put my dog to sleep the day before we went to the RFA. He was only 4 years old and by my side every day. He was fine one minute and not the next (slipped disk). We cuold have tried surgery with no garuantee for $4000 but the truth is I just couldn't afford it. I held him in my arms until I felt him leave and then for hours before my husband dug a hole in front of the hostas to lay him to rest. I may be losing my mind completely because I swear I saw his fluffy little tail across my husbands hospital bed twice. Forgive me for being so sad over a dog but he was my friend. In the beginning of the dx I was slipping deep into depression but managed to get up only because I had to take care of Willy. I know I will be okay but that doesn't stop me from bursting into tears in front of family or strangers at the thought of "where he went". I am so thankful to my little Willy for all the love he gave me.

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Brenda

Well, that is one touching and heartbreaking story right there. Your husband has alot on his plate today and for the near future, but with the surgery being a success, I feel better about it just reading. It won't be easy and many challenges lie ahead, but the fact that you have options and surgical options at that, are to say the least a relief. I am wishing you both well.

I also understand the loss of a pet all too well. No apologies required here to say he was an important member of your family and a valued soul. None at all - I get it.

Tomorrow, will be the 3rd anniversary on the passing of our beloved golden retriever, Sundance. He lived through an F-3 tornado with us and was with me during 2 cancer recurrences. He knew cancer - he smelled it in me 2 different times, but we were just not aware of what he was trying to tell us, he was so smart.

On the last day of his life, we tried to make the day as normal as any other, but with all of 'that' hanging over our heads. The vet had decided to come to the house to put him down, because he could no longer walk well. We put one of his bandanas on and I made up a plate of sausage and eggs (taquitos) that was one of his favorites. He would sit patiently with me on the days I would do this and wait for his portion:) It was like our little ritual.

Well, this day, when I offered him a few bites of the egg, he turned his nose away and I knew it was coming to an end. My heart was heavy. I had never put a dog down before. I always believed that what God created, it was not man's choice to bring asunder.

He was still smiling a few hours before the vet arrived, even though he was in some kind of pain - but he never complained...just wanted to smile to make us happy.

When the vet gave him the shot to make him sleep, I saw his eyes glaze over and all I could do was talk to him. When the vet gave him the other shot, I saw his chest finally stop heaving for breath and he had left the building.

There was a part of me that died that day right along with him. I thought I would never be able to love or get close again. And didn't know if I wanted to either.

We had him 13 wonderful years through thick and thin and I swear he was as human as a dog can be, you know? Just before the vet came he began to defecate a black tarry substance that looked like motor oil. Poor fella'. The vet said it was more than likely cancer that got him too. It's not enough that cancer was/is trying to take me, but he took my friend as well.

So see, Brenda - I do get it and in a big way. The reason I go by the name Sundance here is in honor of my Sundance, who tried to help me with my cancer and in his honor I took his name and have tried to help people here with the same fervor in which he tried to help me.

True story.

All the best going forward and I'm watching your story with interest. Looking forward to more good news from you both. And I hope one day when the pain passes, you will invite another "friend" to share your life. It will never replace, rather it will restore.

-Craig

Brenda Bricco
Posts: 579
Joined: Aug 2011

and you guys please forgive my run sentences and crazy rants. Sometimes I just have to say what I am thinking and post it before my heart breaks into a millions pieces for myself and everyone that is fighting ( I know I'm running on again) :/

As I was sitting out on the brick wall at the hospital, watching everyone living their lives it struck me that whether we get a miracle or GOD forbid I lose my husband I will never be the person I was before all of this, I will always have cancer because it has taken so much from me.
The craziest thing that the LORD gave me Tuesday was this amazing idea that I will never let fear get me again.I might get afraid but all I know is I will be okay because I have my GOD that has brought me through so much. I will be okay, he has always made me okay even through lonliness, sadness and fear. I will be okay and then I will go home to be with HIM. Until that day I will get up everyday that he gives me here and do the best I can. May my life glorify my LORD. :)

pepebcn's picture
pepebcn
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

understand you my friends!

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