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"All we are is dust in the wind"

soccerfreaks's picture
Posts: 2800
Joined: Sep 2006

(Kansas reference)

I chose this reference because my friend, my dear friend, stayingcalm (Deb) was an affirmed agnostic and would have probably preferred this to the title of my initial entry in the forums, Donne's rather religious "Death be not proud".

Yes, CSN lost a wonderful personality this past weekend, and I lost, as I said, a dear online friend.

Sometimes when we lose folks, they simply vanish into thin air, and we can hope that they outgrew this place, no longer needed it, or we can dread the worst, especially if we have been following a fellow traveller's road of woes and seen that it is headed in a bad direction.

With Deb, she was simply too strong of will, too filled with hope, to allow us, most of us, anyway, to know that she was in such duress.

Fortunately, her children were kind enough to post notice on another site about their mom's demise. It is appreciated greatly, although it is accepted with great sadness.

It always hurts when we lose folks on this site. In fact, any time I hear of anyone being lost to cancer, I feel a pang of regret. It is somewhat personal. But when we lost folks in here, in the CSN community, it seems to have an impact surpassed only by that of losing a family member or friend. These are our friends, even we never see them in person, even if we never hear their voices, even if we never know how they laugh, even if we never know what they really look like.

We know who they are, at least to some degree, by what they say, by what they do.

I know, for example, that Deb was an IT person (or I at least suspect so) because we could talk about technology on a level playing field. I know that she really enjoyed science fiction. I know that she had an intense interest in music, albeit a joyously eclectic one, which she shared with me on occasion via links to interesting film and music.

She pointed me to a number of sites that simply blew me away and I thanked her for that just last week. I'm glad I did that when I did, let her know how much I appreciated her appreciation and observation of life in all of its extraordinary diversity.

She was a person of intellect, to be sure, a person of great personal integrity, a person with a sense of humor, a person of courage and will, and a person who was kind, generous and giving of her time and knowledge.

I hope that she and I, in our agnosticism, are astonished to discover that there is great wonder on the other side of this time we call life on earth, because that is what she deserves, more wonders to satisfy her great curiousity.

I will miss her.

Take care,


Hope4Marge's picture
Posts: 74
Joined: Jul 2011

Joe, I always enjoy reading your posts and, although sad, this was a nice tribute to Deb. I am sorry that you lost a good friend, as did many here in the online community. "StayingCalm" was one of the first to reach out to comfort me when I joined this site and I will forever be greatful to her.

Posts: 121
Joined: May 2011

Every time I read Deb's posts, I thought that I should reply. I did a few times, but not enough. I read her page and we had stuff in common. (inoperable, Cisplatin, Etopicide, all the radiation etc.) I had no idea she was in danger. She had gathered so much knowledge and was so willing to offer it up. Thanks for your tribute. She was a rare bird. These losses bring it home.

Posts: 199
Joined: Jan 2011

Thank you so much for the beautiful tribute to a beautiful soul. Diane xx

Ex_Rock_n_Roller's picture
Posts: 281
Joined: Mar 2011

Well and truly said, Joe.

KLScoville's picture
Posts: 161
Joined: Mar 2011

That was very nice tribute to Deb "StayingCalm". She will be missed by many in CSN!

Posts: 127
Joined: Feb 2009

Joe that was a nice tribute to Deb we use to send private messages on FB and I know I am going to miss her alot, she helped me through so much as did you, you both always validated my fears and answered all of my questions, I posted something religious one time on FB and she liked it but reminded me she was athiest, I didnt care I loved her anyway, but to tell the truth I hope she was wrong because a beautiful person like Deb needs to go on for eternity I feel she will be with us always

NayPaul's picture
Posts: 230
Joined: Oct 2010

Amen! Joe as usual, very articulate and emotiona. ;)

Glenna M's picture
Glenna M
Posts: 1576
Joined: May 2009

As usual Joe, you expressed what so many of us are feeling but worded it much more eloquently than most of us can.

Like you, I was a friend of Deb on facebook and loved her choice of links, most brought a smile and I looked forward to them.

We've lost others here and on the head and neck forum but Debs passing hit me the hardest. She was such a caring and compassionate person but the one thing I loved about her was she would speak her mind and not worry what others thought of her opinion. She often times got herself in trouble but she wouldn't back down. Not too many honest people like her in this world.

I will always miss her :(

Posts: 8
Joined: Feb 2010

Thank you for a poignant, beautifully written farewell to an extraordinary woman who was an inspiration to us all. For all us agnostics, may your hope for "wonder on the other side" come true.

catcon49's picture
Posts: 398
Joined: Aug 2008

Just heard the news and I have to say I'm surprised. I will miss her informative posts. She never let on how ill she was.

Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Oh my gosh. I haven't been on here for a few days and I'm shocked to hear about Deb. I just talked to her last week and never expected this to happen. She was such a wonderful person although I never met her I felt as though we were really good friends.
May she rest in peace!
I've been having such a hard time lately cause it's almost 18 months since I lost the love of my life. I thought these bad days were over, but lately seems like there back. Maybe it's the change of seasons, I really don't know.
Anyhow, I'm really sad now that I've read about Deb.

zinniemay's picture
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

I could not have said this the way you did JOe. We all feel the heart break each time someone passes. Dirt in the Wind how beautiful and fitting.

Posts: 183
Joined: Apr 2011

Thank you Joe, for the wonderful and eloquent tribute to Deb. She was such an inspiration to me and we all shall miss her posts but she will not be forgotten. We all carry alittle piece of her wisdom, compassion, friendship and wit. I am sorry that I was not able to know her better and so sorry for your loss of a dear friend. Cheryl

Posts: 183
Joined: Apr 2011


catcon49's picture
Posts: 398
Joined: Aug 2008

As each day passes, I hope the saddness I feel over Deb's, way too early departure from us, fades. If any one has an address or email, I would like to send condolences to her children. She was one of my first contacts on this site. I feel like such a polyanna to have believed she was doing better and that her dr would find something to help her.

soccerfreaks's picture
Posts: 2800
Joined: Sep 2006

Same here on all accounts.

Take care,


z's picture
Posts: 1414
Joined: May 2009

Debs son Cory posted on Debs Facebook page, you might be able to find something there. Debroah Post her Facebook page. I know I feel still in shock that she is gone. I always wanted to read her posts as soon as I saw them, such a smart lady.

catcon49's picture
Posts: 398
Joined: Aug 2008

Thanks Z I'll check it out.

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