Remind me....this is a good thing.....

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stayingstrongfortoday
stayingstrongfortoday Member Posts: 116
in Breast Cancer #1
I am trying to work some this week to get things ready for my students but starting next week I am taking short term disability. I only worked half day because I was so tired this morning I just couldn't even work on schedules or lesson plans. I came home and took a nap but woke up feeling sad. It's so humbling that I can not teach this year, but it is necessary that I take this time, it doesn't mean the "end" is in sight it just means that I am taking some time to take care of myself and my family. A friend took short term disability last year, she died. I am completely freaked. With my kids in school and my little one in school too half days I feel like I will be lonely and depressed. I see a therapist, I have drugs I just gotta get out of the mind games!!! Help

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  • jphilpo
    jphilpo Member Posts: 177
    #2
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    I so admire what you are doing! I too am a teacher and last year was SO HARD for me! I was so tired and stressed out at the end of the day. My best friend is the nurse at my school and she suggested taking some leave, but I jut kept going on. I was and still am dealing with chronic pain from femara/tamoxifen. You are so right that this is not the end. I totally agree about the mind games. We all do that!!

    Take the time you need, not only for yourself but for your family too. Keep seeing your therapist and it will get better.

    Hugs to you,

    Jean
  • grams2jc
    grams2jc Member Posts: 756
    #3
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    Short term disability doesn't mean death
    And if taking the time means you can focus on your healing and be more present when your kids are home from school then it is a wonderful thing. After your leave is over you will have a better idea of what to do.

    I am sorry this is happening to you, cancer is so hard mentally.

    Please take care of yourself and keep us posted,

    Jennifer
  • stayingstrongfortoday
    stayingstrongfortoday Member Posts: 116
    #4
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    grams2jc said:

    Short term disability doesn't mean death
    And if taking the time means you can focus on your healing and be more present when your kids are home from school then it is a wonderful thing. After your leave is over you will have a better idea of what to do.

    I am sorry this is happening to you, cancer is so hard mentally.

    Please take care of yourself and keep us posted,

    Jennifer

    Jennifer's title.....
    Made me sob. Why do I feel like it is? I am taking care of my health, I guess the just moving slower, hurting more and being tired is taking a toll on me. I am usually so active and now I am slow and out of breath almost needing weekly blood transfusions. I keep telling myself I won't sit at home and feel sorry for myself but here we are I worked half a day, napped and then felt like I should have stayed at work. WHY? Like all of us I just want to feel good and be a productive human being. I appreciate your thoughts, my heart knows it's a good thing my head is just not there yet....
  • stayingstrongfortoday
    stayingstrongfortoday Member Posts: 116
    #5
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    grams2jc said:

    Short term disability doesn't mean death
    And if taking the time means you can focus on your healing and be more present when your kids are home from school then it is a wonderful thing. After your leave is over you will have a better idea of what to do.

    I am sorry this is happening to you, cancer is so hard mentally.

    Please take care of yourself and keep us posted,

    Jennifer

    Jennifer's title.....
    Made me sob. Why do I feel like it is? I am taking care of my health, I guess the just moving slower, hurting more and being tired is taking a toll on me. I am usually so active and now I am slow and out of breath almost needing weekly blood transfusions. I keep telling myself I won't sit at home and feel sorry for myself but here we are I worked half a day, napped and then felt like I should have stayed at work. WHY? Like all of us I just want to feel good and be a productive human being. I appreciate your thoughts, my heart knows it's a good thing my head is just not there yet....
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    #6
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    stayingstrongfortoday said:

    Jennifer's title.....
    Made me sob. Why do I feel like it is? I am taking care of my health, I guess the just moving slower, hurting more and being tired is taking a toll on me. I am usually so active and now I am slow and out of breath almost needing weekly blood transfusions. I keep telling myself I won't sit at home and feel sorry for myself but here we are I worked half a day, napped and then felt like I should have stayed at work. WHY? Like all of us I just want to feel good and be a productive human being. I appreciate your thoughts, my heart knows it's a good thing my head is just not there yet....

    Please don't be hard on
    Please don't be hard on yourself. The treatment can be hard on us. It's not just the diagnosis but the chemo and for me it's the hormonal therapy. Chemo put me in the darkest of moods. We become sensitive and emotional over the least things. All the negativity looms in front of us and it's hard to find the positive....all my past pleasures were numbed. I knew a sunset was beautiful but I just couldn't feel it. I was so upset. Even today I have to choose to take a drug that causes anxiety, panic, depression and foggy thinking as well as a zillion other things. I know if I stop taking it my world opens up for me and I can really feel the positive things that I used to enjoy but I need to complete my treatment.

    We are in unknown territory and it can be scary. We can become confused and insecure. For some it's a time to re-examine our thoughts, beliefs and faiths and that can be painful. It's a transitionary time for sure. But this is not forever and you will renew yourself. I have read that finding meaning in our suffering helps us through it. I think there's something to that.

    So be kind to yourself and take the disability and rest and look after yourself without worrying how you appear. Ask the questions that need asking and take the time to reflect on them. Don't worry about self pity. It will go on it's own. Seeing a counselor to help you through the rough spots is a really good idea. Most people leave feeling much lighter and more in control. Hugs to you, I hope things improve for you soon...
    jan
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #7
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    stayingstrongfortoday said:

    Jennifer's title.....
    Made me sob. Why do I feel like it is? I am taking care of my health, I guess the just moving slower, hurting more and being tired is taking a toll on me. I am usually so active and now I am slow and out of breath almost needing weekly blood transfusions. I keep telling myself I won't sit at home and feel sorry for myself but here we are I worked half a day, napped and then felt like I should have stayed at work. WHY? Like all of us I just want to feel good and be a productive human being. I appreciate your thoughts, my heart knows it's a good thing my head is just not there yet....

    You are a good productive
    You are a good productive human being. A good productive person takes care of themselves and knows there are times when they must make themselves the number one priority. You are going through so much, physically, emotionally, mentally and it can take a toll on you entire being. My suggestion is to take it a day at a time. Each morning get up and do only what you can comfortably. If you aren't up to things put them on hold, delegate the responibilty, or do them in baby steps. Family time can be as simple as reading a story to your child, watching a good movie together, or just giving and getting some hugs and kisses. No need to be super mom or super wife or super worker right now. It's not lazy, it's not being unproductive, it's is getting healthy. You want to let your body, your mind, and your heart heal. It's good you are seeing someone and if that person is not helping you get where you need to be try someone else. And taking meds to help is good also. This is a disease that affects each of us so differently. No one reaction is right or wrong it is just ours. My best advice is to love yourself more. Love all that you are right now. Embrace yourself and know that you have had to have such courage, strength etc. to fight this for three years and that makes you quite a super woman after all. It is slow going getting through this but you will do it. My best prayers and thoughts are with during you journey. Before you know it you will back teaching and life will return to more of your old routine.
    Sometimes it helps to wake up in the morning and think of just one or two things that you will try to do. These can be simple like I will make the bed or I will dust one room. And then think of one or two things that would make you smile today. Maybe kissing the kids or helping someone with their homework or a visit from a good friend. If the dark thoughts come then accept them but tell then that they can't have your entire day they only get that little fleeting moment. I hope this helps. They are some of the techniques that I have used over eleven years and several cancers. I'm still here, I am relatively happy, I tend to chase those dark moments away fairly easily now, and I don't borrow trouble.
    Stef
    I hope this doesn't sound preachy or that I am minimizing what you are going through or your feelings. These are just things that have helped me and maybe they will help you too.

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