life changing

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epark
epark Member Posts: 339
edited August 2011 in Breast Cancer #1
As i'm sitting here getting my first chemo treatment i realize my life will never be the same...even though i have the best husband and family in the whole world i will always live with the fact that i had cancer and it can come back..i pray to god for strength and faith and fighting eveyday that my mental state gets stronger and that this disease does not comsume my life....i know that god can make anything possible if you trust and believe in him...however, its still a work in process...baby steps...

To the women who has been battling this disease for years i have to say Thank you for staying postive and helping us "newbie" in our journey....


Eva

Comments

  • deeb111
    deeb111 Member Posts: 141 Member
    #2
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    hello no life is different
    hello no life is different as we new it but staying strong and positive matters i have learned to stop waisting time on the unimportant things focus on the good and learn to let others help you when you need it keep the gloves on and beat the heck out of this beast the women on this site are very kind considerate and caring inspirational as well good luck hope you feel well
  • LoveBabyJesus
    LoveBabyJesus Member Posts: 1,679 Member
    #3
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    I can relate...
    I understand your fears and concerns. I too think of my life from now on. I mean, how can you not think about it after a c diagnosis? When I pray, I ask for consistency with my faith. I never want to doubt anything good that will come from him. One day I feel great, and I thank him for everyday. Yet, it is so difficult to stay positive sometimes. How I wish he can talk to us like he used to talk to Moses and others. It would be nice to hear his voice and tell us that everything will be OK. And I do believe that everything will be OK for the simple fact that I know things happen for a reason, and he has a Plan. But it is difficult to understand that plan.

    What I keep telling myself is that yes, I have this, but I don’t know when and how I will leave this earth! Also, everyone is mortal. I also ask myself, what am I really scared/sad about? Is it dying? Is it because I hate cancer with all my passion? Is it because I am too young? But then there is always a story of someone who has gone through worse and this is when I realize that I am lucky, after all. (Why not me?)

    That’s why we are all here, for support and caring. We can also relate and understand what we are going through. It’s tough! But, maybe this means we are tough too? Like people say, God doesn’t give us a cross we cannot carry. And this one is a heavy cross, but we are still here. Living each day gratefully.

    I pray we all get the strength to overcome this, not only physically, but also mentally. With God’s help.
  • mwallace1325
    mwallace1325 Member Posts: 806
    #4
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    so sorry
    Eva,
    So sorry you're having to go through this. It's sometimes so hard to think there will ever be a time after cancer. You're entitled to cry, to ask God why (cause he can take our questioning), to feel like you'll never get through this, to wonder why you. We've all been there and done that. Chemo sucks, it's a thing you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy, but you will get through it. You will come out of this horrible time and you will find your new normal, which may be better than your old normal. You'll find you love those you love more, get less annoyed with things that are annoying, because it's not worth it.

    Please feel free to come and vent anytime. We're here for you.

    marge
  • grams2jc
    grams2jc Member Posts: 756
    #5
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    I get it
    It is so hard to think we will ever get past it. I know that for several weeks after my dx we went to an unfamiliar church for mass because I would cry through the whole thing and couldn't stand my small town church folks thinking I had completely lost my mind. It seemed so unfair, I played by the rules, I was a good girl, why don't I get to live to be 100? Then I realized that God doesn't owe me anything, he isn't evil or out to punish me , and I may not ever understand why I have to deal with this. BUT nothing says I won't live to be 100, I just will do it with a breast cancer diagnosis.

    3 1/2 months post chemo, 5 weeks post radiation, a clear chest CT, clear pap smear, healthy looking lab results and 4 smooth doctors appts have done me a world of good. So will a clear CT and Mammo in October should I be so blessed as to get them.

    My MO tells me it will take me 3 years to stop being so neurotic...that's what my brain will do, she made no promises about my cancer....I hope my Xanax perscription doesn't run out, LOL and they better not quit making it. Some days are no Xanax days, some are 3 full doses, you just never know what you're gonna get...kind of like Forrest Gump.

    Hang on, as you said, baby steps, and sometimes they are in the "wrong" direction.

    Thinking of you and wishing you peace of mind,

    Jennifer
  • debi.18
    debi.18 Member Posts: 850 Member
    #6
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    Eva,
    You are so right,
    Eva,
    You are so right, cancer has changed all of our lives and we will never be quite the same. Yep, cancer sucks (I even bought the T-shirt). But, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, even if we have no idea what that reason might be. I know I have such a different outlook on life than I did before and I appreciate all the little things I used to take for granted. I also believe that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, although sometimes it does seem like it's way too much to handle.

    You have such a wonderful positive attitude - keep fighting with all that you have!

    I second your Thank You to our awesome Pink Sisters, even with wonderful support at home, the women here are awesome...they just "get it" and have been a Godsend to us newbies.

    Hope your 1st day of chemo went as well as mine did last week. Keep us posted.

    Hugs,
    Debi
  • debi.18
    debi.18 Member Posts: 850 Member
    #7
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    double post
    oops....double post
  • Nana C.
    Nana C. Member Posts: 108
    #8
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    My Life Changing Moment
    Eva,
    I felt the same way, only my "After Tomorrow My life will never be the same" moment came the night before I was to get my results of biopsy. From the moment I felt the tumor I new what it was. You are so right Baby Steps, thats what it takes. After I accepted the fact that I would be having a new normal the days became easier. The wonderful women on this site taught me that having a new normal was ok. I haven't been to active on this site as far as posting, but have read post everyday. You have come to the right place! So much Love from people that have probably never meant each other!

    God Bless
    Eva
  • dbhadra
    dbhadra Member Posts: 344 Member
    #9
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    Nana C. said:

    My Life Changing Moment
    Eva,
    I felt the same way, only my "After Tomorrow My life will never be the same" moment came the night before I was to get my results of biopsy. From the moment I felt the tumor I new what it was. You are so right Baby Steps, thats what it takes. After I accepted the fact that I would be having a new normal the days became easier. The wonderful women on this site taught me that having a new normal was ok. I haven't been to active on this site as far as posting, but have read post everyday. You have come to the right place! So much Love from people that have probably never meant each other!

    God Bless
    Eva

    I often think the same thing
    that life will never be the same as it was before my cancer diagnosis. After a painful grieving process I'm now trying to see that as a potentially good thing...there is no doubt that I live in the moment, appreciate little things more, and get less annoyed with things that don;t really matter, than ever before. That's the good part. the bad part and the part I still grieve about is the loss of the feeling of security about life...even if that security was an illusion it was comforting and I have to admit that I do envy people who have not been through this life changing diagnosis. On my good days, I tell myself that it is what it is and I deal with it. On my bad days, I struggle with the reality of having this disease and all the implications of it. Living one day at a time , right now, I try to stay in the present moment and out of the future anxiety. Easier said than done at times!

    Best to you,
    Laura
  • sinee
    sinee Member Posts: 196 Member
    #10
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    Hi Eva
    I don't know if I can add anthing to the wonderful comments that are here already, except that I don't blame God for cancer. It is just a fact of life these days. We haven't been good stewards of the earth and this is the result. Enough about that or I won't shut up. lol. Each day I wake up I try and stay in bed for an extra second just to be sure that I am starting my day with a smile. Seems silly but it is somedays, the only smile I can manage all day. Other days I am busy and full of life. So each day presents it's own ups and downs. Same as before. Your journey is just begining and I wish for you an easy one. Do ask for help, with everything that you need. It is YOUR time to heal, get better, rest, stay away from germs and any one that is sick...protect yourself...right now, for the first time in your life, YOU are the most important person in your circle of friends and family. Take care of you. The rest of life will begin anew, when your treatments are done. You may pick up right where you left off, or you may decide that everything is wrong and you want to change it all. One word of caution, go slowly into your new you. Step by step you will figure it all out, but right now, the only thing you need to concentrate on is healing. Go, heal, breath, know that we have all been through it and you will be ok too. You really will be ok, different, but ok. {{{Hugs}}} we are all holding on to you. Sinee
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #11
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    thinking of you...

    thinking of you...
  • pinkpalette
    pinkpalette Member Posts: 112
    #12
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    disneyfan2008 said:

    thinking of you...

    thinking of you...

    Eva...
    You are in my thoughts and prayers as you begin this journey. I am just a few weeks ahead of you and it is indeed a difficult time, but with the strength you have within, along with the support of your husband, family, and friends.... those "baby steps" will soon be behind you. We've all been there, you are amongst friends here.

    Best wishes for an excellent outcome with no SE's!!!

    Hugs, pp
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #13
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    debi.18 said:

    double post
    oops....double post

    Eva, Debi and all other newbie WARRIORS ...
    Our journeys and path to that 'finish line' comes with lots of drama, tears, anxiety and many sleepless nights. How we deal with anger, loss and frustration varies from Warrior to Warrior --

    If any of you Warriors has had the pleasure of experiencing child birth .. Please think back on your endless hours of labor, pushing and pushing. How many of us .. swore we would never get pregnant again ..?.. However, as times passes -- so does our memory of excruciating pain .. this will be the same with our memories of chemo, or radiation, our many trips to our Specialist, or Oncologist -- the countless hours spent in each waiting room -- surgeries, and many road blocks that get in our way - before reaching 'our' finish line.

    So, our individual breast cancer journey is just that " individual " .. we all hurt, we all hope at some point in time we would wake up from this horrible nightmare ..but, we don't. It is our fight, our time to put on our 'heels' and kick some assssss.

    You will never forget this journey, your fears or tears ..they will always be a part of us ..just not as vivid.

    TIME heals .. time heals us all.


    Gentle hugs ..
    Vicki Sam
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    #14
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    Yes...
    As already stated here, TIME will help you to heal - in many more ways than one. However, your very 1st chemo - you're in the midst of invasive treatment. And from where you are now, sometimes it's hard to see the finish line. But, you'll get there eventually.

    I send you my sincere HOPES for successful treatment, first and foremost. And for inner strength to get you through it all.

    Kind regards, Susan
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #15
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    Christmas Girl said:

    Yes...
    As already stated here, TIME will help you to heal - in many more ways than one. However, your very 1st chemo - you're in the midst of invasive treatment. And from where you are now, sometimes it's hard to see the finish line. But, you'll get there eventually.

    I send you my sincere HOPES for successful treatment, first and foremost. And for inner strength to get you through it all.

    Kind regards, Susan

    no your life will never be
    no your life will never be the same but it can be good.

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