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So many different emotions inside

Hope4Marge's picture
Hope4Marge
Posts: 74
Joined: Jul 2011

I feel silly because Mom is the one sick, yet I find myself with all these different emotions. Some days I don't want to talk about it, some days I cry, some days I am so positive and energetic and some days I pretend it isn't happening...then there are moments I just get plain mad. But I do not let mom see me that way. I stay happy and positive around her and I hope that does her good.

grannylove
Posts: 183
Joined: Apr 2011

Sorry you are going thru this. Yes, it is an emotional roller coaster, that's for sure! It is good to be happy and have a positive attitude to convey to your mother but she might feel she has to keep a brave front too, for you. I thought that is what I had to do too. When in fact, I needed to express all the feelings that were going on inside me, and boy did I have alot of different emotions going on at once. But it made me feel better and let my caregivers relax about theirs also. I didn't dwell on those overpowering depression thoughts, but sometimes I just had to let them out. But most of the time, we all kept positive and upbeat about things. I am sending healing prayers to you and your mother. Stay strong and God bless! Cheryl

NayPaul's picture
NayPaul
Posts: 230
Joined: Oct 2010

U should be concerned if you do not have many... sometimes conflicting emotions. This is a lot to deal with. And the cnacer patient is not the only one going through it.... yeah I know, easy for me to say, I don't have a chunk of cancer buried deep in my lungs. But it is true. We r faced with how to care, and how to plan for the worst while hoping for the best.... for example, my wife has little care for retirement planning now, yet she knows we cannot spend with reckless abandon, lest I be a single father of four........

My wife said somthing interesting to me that she had seen, and that was that the cancer patient is stuck, they have to travel this road.... no matter where it takes him/her... but those in the support role, choose to be there. That she said is a true hero... someone who has the option to not help or intervene, but does so willingly... I thought it was a meaningless comment when she first said it, but as time goes on, I see her reasoning, and take comfortably in her trust in me.

Rockerbear
Posts: 2
Joined: Aug 2011

It is hard to not be on an emotional roller coaster. I have been on both sides of the coin, having been diagnosed with a stage 3 nodal melanoma five years ago. Believe it when I say that the roller coaster ride is almost the same for patient and care giver. There are different issues that you process, but the chaos that a diagnosis creates is still chaos. As a caregiver we find ourselves wanting to be there for our loved one and at times or may be difficult to process our own emotions. For me, this year has been one filled with more than one loss and three family members diagnosed with cancer. My mother, father, and my significant other. My recommendation is to try and find that within you that keeps you centered. That way the chaos around you will have a lesser impact on you. As caregivers we need to find an inner serenity in order to do the carin that we choose to do. Best of luck on your journey

daddysfaith's picture
daddysfaith
Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 2011

My father has small cell lung cancer and has undergone chemo and radiation. He hasn't had a chemo/radiation treatment in about eight months, yet has still not had a good day. He is always throwing up, not eating without a PEG tube, and is too tired to walk from one side of the room to the other without either falling or being extremely exhausted. I am struggling with how to cope with watching my dad suffer so immensely and some days find it hard to keep faith that he can fight this. My dad has always been a strong person who shows little emotion and I can't even begin to explain how hard it is to see him so weak and emotional. He cries because it hurts him to have to hold on to me to walk...I remind him this is only temporary and he needs to keep fighting to get his strength back through exercise despite how hard it may be for him. He is in and out of the hospital consistently with pneumonia and anemia and the doctors can't figure out why which is even more frustrating. I just want my dad to have a day where he feels semi good and can do some of the things he loved to do again. I love my dad more than anything and sometimes I worry he won't be around to see me get married or have my first child which is an excruciating feeling...Is that selfish of me?

God Bless you and your mother.

Hope4Marge's picture
Hope4Marge
Posts: 74
Joined: Jul 2011

I felt that way at dinner last night. We visited my parents and I watched my mom as she watched her grandaughter (my 9yr old) and mom was smiling at her. I flashed forward to my daughter getting married and having children and my mom not getting to see that. I was so sad with that thought. My mom and my daughter are so close and I dread the day that I have to tell my little one sad news. I've heard it's always harder for the living than the ones that pass on. My mom has always been like your dad, strong and never showing unhappy emotions. It's not our nature to feel helpless with our parents-they are the ones that typically lift us up. But we have to be strong and let them know that they have our support. I am glad to have met you and thank you for reaching out.

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