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So is this it??

Posts: 53
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi again, all you lovely people. Its me, It has been one year and one day since my Mum was separated from us all. She was taken into hospital and past away 5 weeks later so we had no time to think. My update is that, its all such rubbish, I am maxed on anti depressants, have a sleeping pill to get me to sleep, lost four stone from being bulimic and when I do drink I just do not stop. I do not know when it gets any better or even if it will get better but their is nothing left in me anymore, I try my best to show everyone yeah Im good but its not. sorry for bending your ears guys love you all xxxx

grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

I hope that in addition to taking pills you are seeing a counselor. Grief is very difficult. Don't try to do this alone. See if you can't find one who specializes in grief. In the meantime, come here as often as you need. Fay

Posts: 1862
Joined: Aug 2010

Grief is a process and everybody's grief process runs just a bit differently. You are not on a timeline but there are stages of grief.

Sometimes, a person gets stuck in a particular stage of grief and while I don't know you personally, I would tell you that it sounds like you might be. Drinking is not going to help you move on, but you already know that.

I agree with Fay: you need to find a counselor or minister or other professional (maybe the doctor who is prescribing the medication can help?) to help you start moving forward.

I lost my mom in May so I do know the kind of grieving that must be done when we are close to our mother. You will get through this.


lovingwifedeb's picture
Posts: 183
Joined: Aug 2010

rubyslippers... my favorite movie by the way, "we" watched it every year religiously... "are you a bad witch or are you a good witch?" Neither here nor there...

I lost my mom 9 days before my husband... she on May 19th, he on May 27th. Grief is Grief. I am sorry about your mom... I am sorry about your breaking heart. I do know if you were my daughter I would not want you to suffer so.

My husband and mother both were in so much pain with their cancer, he melanoma which metastasized to his brain and he hemorrhaged to death and she had bone cancer. I do know my husband lived his life with dignity, he was always positive and never complaining. We had our moments together but our year of scarey cancer hell was made bearable because of his outlook. I say this because I try my very best to live my grief in his honor, the way his lived his cancer. How can I not? If I fell apart how would that reflect his life here on earth?

That does not mean I don't cry or feel sorry for myself. I do. But my love for him and my mother will live on in my heart forever even though it is broken and in pieces. I hope someday my heart will be back together again... maybe not quite looking the same but whole never the less.

You can get through this grief without destroying yourself... find a way to move through it one day at a time. The advice give here through others is good, find counselors, find group therapy, whatever fits your lifestyle. But as a mother to a daughter please take care of yourself as you have to take the first step - more help will find you.

Peace to you.

Posts: 39
Joined: May 2011

Deb, Best advice ever. I'm going to try to live without Ric the way he lived with his disease. Maybe that'll help. I'm not ready to hope/imagine that my heart will ever be functional again.

Carolinagal's picture
Posts: 91
Joined: May 2010

That is a beautiful sentiment Deb. I never would have thought of it that way- "try my very best to live my grief in his honor, the way he lived his cancer". Thank you for sharing that- I needed to hear it too.

Posts: 53
Joined: Jul 2010

Thank you for your replies. love you all xxx

Hondo's picture
Posts: 6643
Joined: Apr 2009

Just thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers


Leyla_SZ's picture
Posts: 5
Joined: Oct 2011

what a wonderful post, I am going to keep this to re-read when I have those dark moments.

Posts: 37
Joined: Sep 2011

Well said, my heart aches for you

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