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trying to give my husband/family a break........looking for other means of expressing my feelings about cancer

Posts: 9
Joined: Jul 2011

is there anyone out there that is either from or near rocky mount, nc...
i am looking to connect with someone from this area. i have a very supportive husband
but i am afraid that he needs a break from all of the ins and outs of cancer....
if i had someone else to talk with sometimes, than he would be able to get a break.....
he is dealing with cancer too. even though he hasnt been diagnosed, he has it too.....through me

lovingwifedeb's picture
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

I am sorry you are here but so glad you are reaching out. Considering statistics... 45% of our population will at some time in their lives have cancer. It is a known fact that we all carry cancer cells in our bodies. So, we have a half of a chance of developing cancer... It is a fearful thing.

My husband died May 27th of Melanoma, my mother 9 days before him of bone cancer. My heart has still not recovered. So as a caregiver I know first hand what your husband is going through. As a spouse whose loved one comes into stage 4... I know exactly how fear sets in. Whatever your story is, live one day at a time and love with all your heart because cancer steals time.

Peace to you and your family.
Deb - Oregon

bluerose's picture
Posts: 1102
Joined: Jul 2009

I don't understand what you meant by that statement. It seems to me by your postings that you are trying to take care of everyone first then yourself and remember your body is fighting a tough disease and needs your attention first.

I know it's hard to think about family having to deal with our cancers, I am a 25 year survivor, but we have to put ourselves first because if we don't we won't be around to take care of them after we are better.

This site is great for support and there is a chatroom on this site too for immediate support and conversation so try that out too, people who have been there too so they know what you are talking about.

I hope you aren't diagnosing your husband before he has even been seen, that helps no one, or maybe I just read that post of yours wrong.

Anywho, all the best.

Keep us updated.



Posts: 9
Joined: Jul 2011

SO EVERY DISAPOINTMENT AND FEAR, HE FEELS RIGHT ALONG WITH ME. SO HE IS EXPERIENCING CANCER WITH ME. Its just like when one person in a relation ship is an addict, the whole family suffers even though they are not indulging in the drugs or alcohol.

wheater our loved ones say it or not, they can become over whelmed with caregiving.
that is why there is such a thing as respite and other services for care givers.
i am not selfish enough to think that others do not get stressed sometimes. ( they are but do not say it. ) i am being thoughtful enough to find other ways to express my concerns and fears about my illness to someone else other than the one that is fighting along side me. that is why there are friends, family, support groups and spouses. i only have my spouse to vent with. i would prefere him to support me in other ways instead of supporting me when i want to vent/complain.

bluerose's picture
Posts: 1102
Joined: Jul 2009

Oh okay, that is what you meant. I know all about caregivers and other family members and friends living the cancer experience through the patient I just thought you meant that your husband had cancer too and you were blaming yourself for him getting it. That's how I read it. Glad to hear that's not the case.

Personally I think support is support period and this is going to be one, if not THE biggest challenge of your life. It only makes sense you will want to talk with him about it. I understand you feeling you don't want to burden your loved ones but that's what love is all about - sharing not only the good times but the not so good times too. I am sure he would feel very helpless if you chose to leave him out of your thoughts about your feelings right now. If you want to talk with someone else other than your husband all the time perhaps you might look into speaking with a grief counsellor about the temporary loss of your health or another counsellor or minister you trust and would like imput from in all of this.

I hope you are able to find help too on this site and others like it.



pattyanny's picture
Posts: 544
Joined: Jul 2009

I am glad you have your husband there by your side to help, share, and understand your feelings. I can understand you need a different venue. You received some great advice from some wise people here. The chat room here is great. I found a therapist at the local hospital thru the cancer program for free. I can go each week, when needed. Check with the American Cancer Society also. They have many programs. Wish I lived closer. :( Check out these resources, and pray. I will pray for you also, they He may bring someone into your life that can be a comfort. Keep in touch!
Love & Prayers, Patty

palmyrafan's picture
Posts: 397
Joined: Mar 2011

I understand about needing to talk to other people who are going through the same thing you are and about your caregiver needing their space.

I am the patient and my wonderful husband is my caregiver. We have been married 19 years (2nd marriage for us both) and we have been dealing with my brain cancer for 17 years. He has stood by me the entire time. Through this time, we have watched our respective kids grow up, graduate high school, get married and each have children (we have 6 beautiful grandkids). We have also gone through multiple job loss (husband was a consultant), deaths in the family, and more moves around the country than any person should ever have to make. But through it all, my husband has been steadfast in his support of me. I, in turn, have tried to make sure that he pursues his interests (besides me) which include golf, stained glass, playing guitar, cooking, travel, etc. all while he is holding down a full-time demanding job. Sometimes I feel that I have to push him out the front door to do things for himself. But I know that he would be here for me in a heartbeat if I needed him to be.

As for others in my local area, I was lucky enough to find someone else who is going through what I am, through another website, and she only lives 15 minutes away. Her boss of 25 years is the mayor of my small town!

Whether you are lucky enough to find someone in your area, you always have the boards here and elsewhere where you will find the opportunity to make good friends, many of whom check in more than once a day and some can even be found on here at 2:00 a.m. when insomnia strikes.

You may also want to check with your local hospital to see what types of support groups they offer for the patients and the caregivers. You can also check with your local clergy to see if they offer any counseling services or if they know of anyone who does.

Please don't forget to take care of youself too. Women sometimes have an annoying knack of putting everyone else first, sometimes to their own detriment. Take care of your spouse, but also take care of yourself.


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