Grouchy

denistd · July 2011

When the radiation and chemo is all done and you have healed can you be grouchy and a pain in the neck to your family, my family is forever telling me I have changed, I think I have, I am now different, I think, but do not know what to do about it.

DrMary · July 2011

You have changed
Let's see, you've been through the valley of the shadow of death - one would be surprised if you didn't change.

Some folks talk about PTSD - something to consider. It is tough to get back into a "normal" routine and your priorities have changed. You are healed, but not the same. So many people around you have no idea what you went through. Things that used to be important to you are trivial now, and you might find yourself obsessing on things you did not used to care about.

I found that Doug worried more about money and retirement - I'm sure the very real possibility that he might have left us and the worries about how we would have managed were haunting him a bit. He also got very irritated with folks who seemed to be loafing - not hard to understand when he was working so hard to recover and make up lost time at work at the same time.

On the other hand, he took a real vacation for once. A whole week at the beach with his mother and siblings and their families (us, too) - he only worked for about a day and a half during that period (deadlines don't wait).

That's from my perspective - I hope he comments, but he's in Mexico (working, of course) right now and might not get on.

Consider finding someone you trust to talk this through with. I wish more oncologists recommended counseling to their patients - if your insurance covers this, you might look into it. Another resource would be support groups - we found that they always met at bad times for us, but you might have better luck. Many are run by hospitals, but I found that my employer (a large county education system) organized them.

I'm sure your family is happy to have you with them, grouchy and all, by the way. From a caregiver side, it is a real relief to be able to tell the survivor that he's being a pain in the butt, rather than giving him a break because he's sick.

patricke · July 2011

It's Over
The rad and chemo are over, that of course is great news! I had my share of bad days, but I refrained from taking it out on my family, as they were, and still are my greatest support. I often have to remind myself, when I'm experiencing a challenging treatment or recovery experience that "I can do this," and focus on getting past it and moving on. Most of all, in spite of all of the very difficult changes that I have gone, and am still going through, "I'm just happy to be here." It's importat to let your family know how your feeling, i.e., the roots of the gouchy and paineyness, rather than zapping them with it. Mostly, it's about change and adaption, which, I venture to say, none of us want to have to do, but that's how we survive and thrive, without being grouchy and a pain to our loved ones. It does take a concerted effort, however, to be positive, when the negative feelings want to take you on a sleigh ride down to the bottom. Make the effort, it's worth it. I second the suggestions regarding counseling and support groups.

Patrick

luv4lacrosse · July 2011

GROUCHY
I too have found that some things that did not irritate me, now irritate me very easily. I have had some issues with my oldest son, and seem to have a hard time trying to be rational with him, or telling my wife after all I have been through, I do not have the mental strength to deal with another stressfull situation. I love my job, and used to thrive on having a dozen "irons in the fire" at the same time. I still love being busy, but only take on what I know i can accurately handle at any given time.

I guess the biggest thing I have trouble with is I feel like this beast and the treatment has taken my "manhood" from me. I am just a physically different person now than before my diagnosis.

In closing, I am very gratefull to still be here typing this post, and am slowly trying to accept things completely for what they are.

Best!!

Mike

Irishgypsie · July 2011

luv4lacrosse said:
GROUCHY
I too have found that some things that did not irritate me, now irritate me very easily. I have had some issues with my oldest son, and seem to have a hard time trying to be rational with him, or telling my wife after all I have been through, I do not have the mental strength to deal with another stressfull situation. I love my job, and used to thrive on having a dozen "irons in the fire" at the same time. I still love being busy, but only take on what I know i can accurately handle at any given time.

I guess the biggest thing I have trouble with is I feel like this beast and the treatment has taken my "manhood" from me. I am just a physically different person now than before my diagnosis.

In closing, I am very gratefull to still be here typing this post, and am slowly trying to accept things completely for what they are.

Best!!

Mike

grouchiness=underlying depression.
Unfortunately, I have to agree with the grouchiness. I am a Registered Nurse so I am all too familiar with patients dealing with depression. From my experience the grouchiness comes from underlying depression; it's a defense mechanism kind of like passive aggressive behavior. I find that I am really grouchy the days that my depression is hitting me the hardest. I realize I should be thankful for having a chance to beat this beast; but I have always been the type to focus on what I don't have instead of things I do have. I am choosing the counseling route; I am anti drugs at this point. I feel that anti-depressants just mask the pain they don't solve the problem. Just my opinion or maybe we are just grouchy people!

Just trying to take it one day at a time, one scan at a time, etc.

P.S. Do people find themselves saying BC (before cancer) a lot. I can't help but be in conversation and refer to how I was before cancer and after. It's like I'm referring to myself as completely different person!

Charles

Grouchy

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