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need to vent i am tired

fedester
Posts: 757
Joined: Jul 2004

good evening semi's
praying all is well.
i am having a hard time recently with not the dragon but with my family.
i don't know what is going on. we went on a cruise in may and since than it seems we are not functioning like a family.
no one tries to help me with the bills and yet i have to come up with things to do.
i am really mentally tired and have been sleeping alot.
i beat the big c a so far but i don't know about this.
has anyone else faced this.
i would think my family would be happy i am still here but it doesn't seem so.
sorry had to vent
bruce

AncientTiger's picture
AncientTiger
Posts: 130
Joined: Mar 2011

doing that Bruce.

I think just about everyone that's fought and won this battle reaches a point of coming to grips with the reality of what we've been through... and yes, I feel like I could sleep a year and feel like my brain has just jogged 10 miles in 110 degree heat. It's called depression and post-traumatic stress syndrome.

Don't know if that's what's going on in your world Bruce, but I'm muddling through it in MY world.... if so, you're NOT alone ;)

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Hey, Bruce.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Sometimes I think it's just so hard to insert yourself back into the family in a regular way after being "the sick one." You (and they) have gotten used to a different kind of normal. So it provokes growing pains all the way around.

Praying it gets better soon!

*hugs*
Gail

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

Their just busy pretending it never happened. Shoot, I was given the ole' your gonna die business from the onc and just about everybody else in the medical field, so I figured the family would rally round, and they did of course, for about a week, then they got bored and I found I was still cooking dinner, rousing them up for work, and cleaning house like usual, what the heck people??? I've only got so long to live and it's NORMAL???
So don't feel alone, denial is the best of the best for those that surround us, it lessens the pain and the depression they feel. So please don't be hurt by it, I think sometimes for those that love us, it's a defense mechanism because cancer has such a bad reputation, often known as a killer and it's difficult for those that love us to deal with. Sure it's hard for us to deal with, but we're the ones in the direct "this can kill you disease" so somehow we manage to deal with it the best in what I think is our survivor mode.
So, what I'm saying rather long windedly, is I'm sure your family is happy your still here, they're just scared of the future, and therefore seem to shut down more around us. Also don't forget "we look good" so sometimes that means they think we should feel good and are good.
So Bruce, just keep fighting along, and remember sometimes, our families just want things to be normal, and normal is YOU dealing with the bills, so maybe you should SAY something not just expect something from them, every once in a while you've got to get out the old electrical prod stick and remind them of what is what.
Winter Marie

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Of course the family is happy you are 'still here'!!!!!!!! But, as others have said, and I have experienced, it IS different dynamics...

Talking it out, even though to some is scary, is the way I managed to get thru it...always making sure that I presented my feelings in a non-threatening, non-emotional voice....*smile* as much as possible....

Hugs, Kathi

buckeye2
Posts: 428
Joined: Jul 2011

Bruce, I am new at this game so really not qualified to offer advice but my husband and I had a discussion last night which might be pertinent. I think one of my jobs in this battle is to keep things as normal as possible to the ways things were before diagnosis. What we were doing before worked. We were a happily dysfunctional family. What I am saying is that we are not going to cut him any breaks because of his illness. If I would've called him an a--hole before for something he said or did, I am still calling him that. Maybe your family hasn't changed much but the gift they give you is treating you the same? Lisa

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Sounds like you went to the same onc that me and my wife first started with, LOL!

First thing he told her was, "Just treat like him the same ol' @sshole he was before cancer."
And you know what? She hung onto that line like it was gold - and never has let go:)

No kidding - no joke - true story.

Just gave me a chuckle this morning reading your reply.

Go easy on him sometimes, ok?

-Craig

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

My husband has been sweet through this whole thing, but I do have to dump the garbage, clean the pool, fix dinner, and such, but I go back to work this week! watch out fella, 50/50!! I/m ready to feel normal again, and get these pounds off of me!

And the kids are back to normal, all is good. If the cancer don't kill, my family sure will, HA, HA!

Take care of you and the rest will follow. There is anxiety meds out there that can help yu. Try them, you might see that things are more normal then you think! Blessing!

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

Although I have been very blessed with being NED for some time now, I dont think anything in my life will be the same, and it mostly starts with me. Have you looked at yourself and how you are really feeling about life in general. I have and continue to fight with depression, and like Nana B said there are meds out there that can help, I am also in counseling and that helps alot for me too. I am learning to use my words, to speak my feelings, they say getting them out really does help, so far its working, it does cause some BS between family members but hey I figure I went through hell and I am still here, for them to take some BS from me wont kill them...LOL

Good Luck and remember your not alone...

HUGS
Beth

taraHK
Posts: 1961
Joined: Aug 2003

Hey Bruce -- Glad you vented here -- this is the place! I know many of us (including me) can relate to what you are saying. It's one hell of a rollercoaster ride -- and the physical stuff is the least of it. I'm a little concerned that you are sleeping a lot dear -- may be depression? Might you consider counsellor/therapist/antidepressants?? One thing is sure -- you have a loving family HERE -- as I do....

Love,
Tara

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

Bruce,

Every so often I had to pitch a fit to remind them that our "new normal" meant that I wasn't going to be at their beck and call and that I needed to take care of myself for a change.

Sorry you're going through this.

To quote a friend:

Never give up!

peace, emily ;-)

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

I think mine came to the end of her rope of caregiving, and all else that entails it..so for now I have found myself doing everything alone, after having someone at my side through all of this now I find myself doing it all. I do realize that in spite of it all, I have more will than ever to rise to the top, to show them all that even though help is needed it is not something that will cause me to quit, even though I am tired. I have as you fought the dragon and still fighting as all of us are, but no matter how bad it gets or how down I feel, I will show the dragon, or anyone or thing that stands in my way, that I will beat this and come out the other side be it with my family or be it alone. Hopefully, I will have my family in tow, but in any matter I will persevere nonetheless, and never ever give up...........buzz

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

families are pretty hard work, mine is, all the divorces around me.
hang on and hope for the best, now your hanging around give them
as much love as possible.

maybe they are just redoing their plans now they don't get the inheritance just yet!
they may have to wait 50 years.

the joy of the challenges of life, from the mundane like making it to the loo too making it as a family.

it ain't life without challenges, the bigger the better life!
i think of our friends who have no more challengers who are at peace.

bring it on.

hugs,
pete

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

how are things going? How are you doing, are you feeling any better, are things getting any better with the family? Just checking in to see how you are and say I was thinking of you.

HUGS
Beth

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