Scared

Survivor73
Survivor73 Member Posts: 135
in Breast Cancer #1
Hi All. I have posted my story many times, but some days it all comes crashing down on you. I had my thryoid removed in 2009 for cancer. In Nov last year, my mammo showed something weird...found a lump and they thought it was not cancer, to just wait...said no I want a biopsy and they found cancer. Had lumpectomy, then sentinal node biopsy...not in the lymph nodes, stage 1. At the same time, I was arguing with the Dr's about getting RAI (rads) for the thyroid ca. They did some blood work to show me it wasn't necessary and it showed postive for thyroid cells...u/s showed a nodule..monitoring of it eventually (Jan 2011) showed it went to my lymph nodes in my neck. Biopsy confirmed it. So, after rads was done for my breast (had to put other treatment on hold) I had surgery on my neck.

To be honest I did not think this surgery would be that big of a deal. The surgery for removal of the thryoid was tough only because they hyperextend your neck and it's painful for the neck...but not so bad with regards to the cut itself...and I was worried about the scar back then...lol...

This surgery last week cut from the back of my head just below my hair line all the way around to the front of the other side of my neck just above my collar bone. My right side is totally swollen...some spots hard as rock and painful. My neck and back also hurt similar to the first surgery, but added to that I have about 30 staples in my neck...Frankenstein here I come!! There is numbness from my shoulder to my ear...inside my throut its hard to swallow sometimes - feels like something is in the way...

So I was lying in bed this morning debating on getting up and had a "why me" moment. I just don't get it...

I have one more surgery to go on Aug 9th...a hysterectomy since they found a cyst on my ovary that has not gone away for 3 months...this was found by a ct scan during breast ca treatment - at first I was told that I had a 10 cm mass in the adnexal area...yup I just about lost it then...then they decided it was 2 cysts...one of which is still there.

So, one more surgery...I'm just really freaked out that it may be cancer. All the signs show it's not, but they didn't think I had breast cancer either...I pushed for the biopsy and was correct. Since I had mucinous Breast ca, it looks on u/s to not be cancer.


Anyway...I am rambling...I'm just scared, feel alone...hubby is so stressed at having to do everything around the house...I started cooking dinner yesterday and later thought what was I thinking?? I can't keep this up and get better...

OK, compaining is over...thanks for listening...my anxiety level is through the roof...I feel guilty about everything...my kids (14 and 10) are bored out of their head since I can't even drive them somewhere to find something for them to do...they spend the day in the basement playing video games and watching tv...and since they aren't bugging my, I let them. This has been going on so long due to the past 2 other surgeries and then rads...

Well, it's only been a week since surgery...another week and I'm sure I'll be back to feeling more normal...just want it all to be over...is there an end in sight??

Take care all,

S73

Comments

  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    #2
    Major pat on the back!
    Hello Survivor.
    I am so glad to know that you are taking charge and telling your med team when you are not comfortable with what they tell YOU. You are our pro-active hero of the week, month, year! We are always telling each other that we know more about our own bodies than anyone else does and our med team should listen to us!
    I am so sorry for the stress this puts on your family. Not unusual, but that is small comfort to you, I know.
    How about if you have a family sit-down and you and your hub talk to the kids seriously about how helpful they could be to you and the family as a unit right now. Give them some specific responsibilities and duties around home. Not only will this be good 'practice' for them for the future, but it will make them feel more involved in what you are going through, and should give them a real sense importance and self-esteem in knowing that they are actually needed. I know this sounds simplistic, but believe me, kids are much more aware than we give them credit for most of the time and everhyone will benefit from working as a team during this stressful time in your household. Will they gripe and whine? Probably, but if you were a fly on the wall and heard them talking to their friends I can assure you that they will take pride in being a real asset to you and the family as a whole.
    Good luck, hun, and God bless.
    Keep us posted. Huggggs.
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #3
    You're in the midst of it all right now
    and it's a very difficult place to be. You have every right to vent, cry, scream and yes, even ask "why me?" Remember, you didn't ask for this. No one wants this to happen so maybe you can just gather your family together and remind them that this is difficult for all of you and that you really appreciate their patience. Teens and Husbands can sometimes view Moms as "super human". If there was any a time that you need them, it's now.

    I hope and pray that it IS just a cyst. I know they can get big, then shrink down to nothing.

    I'm sorry that you had to go through all this. Being 6 years out of the war zone (thanking God every day), it does get better and this too shall pass.

    Sending you hugs,

    Sylvia
  • poplolly
    poplolly Member Posts: 346
    #4
    There is so little I can say
    There is so little I can say to make you feel better. People say be positive and fight, but sometimes we just aren't up to it. And everything comes at once. You've had more than your share. Vent here as much as possible, and tell you husband as much as you can. Some are more supportive than others. Your kids can understand to a certain extent and they will appreciate honesty when you feel you're ready for those conversations. Hang on..it's too soon to give up yet. You still seem to have a lot of spirit left.

    Hugs and prayers for you from me,

    Judy
  • poplolly
    poplolly Member Posts: 346
    #5
    There is so little I can say
    There is so little I can say to make you feel better. People say be positive and fight, but sometimes we just aren't up to it. And everything comes at once. You've had more than your share. Vent here as much as possible, and tell your husband as much as you can. Some are more supportive than others. Your kids can understand to a certain extent and they will appreciate honesty when you feel you're ready for those conversations. Hang on..it's too soon to give up yet. You still seem to have a lot of spirit left.

    Hugs and prayers for you from me,

    Judy
  • poplolly
    poplolly Member Posts: 346
    #6
    There is so little I can say
    There is so little I can say to make you feel better. People say be positive and fight, but sometimes we just aren't up to it. And everything comes at once. You've had more than your share. Vent here as much as possible, and tell your husband as much as you can. Some are more supportive than others. Your kids can understand to a certain extent and they will appreciate honesty when you feel you're ready for those conversations. Hang on..it's too soon to give up yet. You still seem to have a lot of spirit left.

    Hugs and prayers for you from me,

    Judy
  • laughs_a_lot
    laughs_a_lot Member Posts: 1,368 Member
    #7
    Bummer
    When it rains it pours. Try not to add guilt over the bored kids to the list of bothersome thoughts. At least they are at home and out of trouble. They could be doing so much worse.
  • laurissa
    laurissa Member Posts: 773
    #8
    Hi Survivor
    You've been through alot. I hope your next surgery goes smoothly and you feel better soon. Surgery takes a while to heal.
  • mamolady
    mamolady Member Posts: 796 Member
    #9
    There is an end in sight.
    There is an end in sight. For the house, if you can, hire some one to do the basics. I did and felt so much better! Just the bathrooms and floors, it cost 25 dollars and worth every penny.
    Other than that, it will be nice to cut a break and have the hysterectomy be not cancer then you can get back to the joys of parenting teenagers! That in itself is a never ending task.
    Cindy
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    #10
    mamolady said:

    There is an end in sight.
    There is an end in sight. For the house, if you can, hire some one to do the basics. I did and felt so much better! Just the bathrooms and floors, it cost 25 dollars and worth every penny.
    Other than that, it will be nice to cut a break and have the hysterectomy be not cancer then you can get back to the joys of parenting teenagers! That in itself is a never ending task.
    Cindy

    You need a big, fat hug
    So sorry things look so bleak to you right now. You have been through so much--I can't imagine. I know how hard it is to try to put yourself first, but I hope you are able to rest, relax and recover quickly and that all the tests come out fine with your upcoming hysterectomy.

    Sending prayers and positive energy your way.

    Hugs, Renee
  • skipper54
    skipper54 Member Posts: 936 Member
    #11
    missrenee said:

    You need a big, fat hug
    So sorry things look so bleak to you right now. You have been through so much--I can't imagine. I know how hard it is to try to put yourself first, but I hope you are able to rest, relax and recover quickly and that all the tests come out fine with your upcoming hysterectomy.

    Sending prayers and positive energy your way.

    Hugs, Renee

    Sending hugs and prayers!
    You've been through a lot but you're still here and fighting. As hard as it may be, keep fighting! We're here for you.

    Sneding hugs and prayers!!!!!

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